Splinters of glass rip through my chest
I can feel my heart breaking and I know it's a mess
Grief fills my lungs with liquid, like swimming pools for my emotions
I wonder what's the right decision, when everything feels so broken
Some days it's hard to stay, but leaving would tear me to shreds
Back and forth and back again, until theres nothing left
See, I know enough of humanity, to trust I'd learn to breathe again
But the thought alone is devastating, like losing a piece of me instead
I have thoughts so problematic, I will only tell one person
Because if I'm honest I'm kind of messed up, holding sins inside me like organs
My cards tell me three's a party, which means I'm the odd one out
The universe once gave me hope and peace, but now she feeds me doubts

Whether you hide or stand out,
Whether you whisper or scream and shout,
If you want to, you can be found.
And if there days you feel you have no one
But your fears and your doubts,
Like you've looked everywhere but can't find a way out, if you want to, you can be found.
You will be found.

The word itself seems so vague.
A curse: A cure: by many names, it is known.
It all seems nothing in the eye, who failed at love,
But in the other, it seems divine.
When God created such a feeling, was it meant to be released to the world of humans?  Or vice versa?
Was it meant to have two sides?
The side that cuts your heart like a poisoned knife,
And the other which heals you like a heavenly medicine.
Was it for the happiness of beings who strive for happiness?
Or was it for them to suffer more?
Love, for some, is happiness and for some, it’s a curse…
And who is the decider of who gets what?
Is it god? Is it fate?
Or does it depend on oneself?
So many questions, yet to be answered
Can we incriminate god for keeping us in such a dark?
Or should we grind to find the light ourselves?
Was god so incogitant or was it all for us to discover?
All these questions burn within
Someone who waits a hopeless wait
To have a go once more            
At the love that they lost.

✨I fear the unknown

I'm walking down the aisle,
Looking all beautiful and elegant,
Maybe all this to impress the man standing infront of the altar, waiting for me.
But it doesn't feel right,
Something's missing.
Unlike other brides,
I'm not that happy.
Maybe that's what it feels like,
The congregation seem happy for me, for us, but my heart ain't,
Its frowning, I'd have thought its jealousy 'cause someone else gonna share it, but no, it's a strong feeling, tag war between the heart and mind, instincts and the 'love' I think is there.

I'm closer to the altar,
He's ready to take my hand and lead me to the journey fate planned for us,
But ****, my mind is strolling on a different lonely path,
A lane of no return, of looking back, a lane that...
I'm worried now,
With questions in my heart,
Maybe this is normal, or maybe I'm too nervous, but where is this trust I claimed to have,
Where is this love?
Is this a mistake?did we rush things on such a short notice?
Am I really lucky like my girlfriends say?

We are already here,
My dad is handing me over to him,
Instead of being elated, I'm feeling scared,
Is this the right thing to do?
Am I really on the right path?
Why am I so insecure?why do I think he's gonna forget all this, and see me as a nobody someday?
Why do I feel he's gonna fall out of love,  and no longer treasure what we have?
Why am I too engrossed to the thoughts that he's gonna hurt me, he's not gonna show me respect even infront of our kids,
****, talking of kids, what if he leaves us, what if he finds a perfect lady and think all that we have, the family, is all a mistake?
What if I confront him someday and he decides that its over for us, what if he raises his hands on me,
Will I take all that?
Am I really ready for this man, for this new phase for me?

The ring is already on my finger,
Now I'm not just the girl they used to know,
I already have his second name,
He owns me now,
There's nothing like looking back, escaping this,
I've owned up to it,
So maybe, just maybe, I should shun these thoughts away,
And be happy, or that's what I think,
Let me laugh, smile, love while it lasts,
Cause the future is uncertain, not even my insticts can define it or predict what will happen,
So I'm looking back at this man, I smile,
My heart praying and hoping, this is the best decision I've ever made!

©tiana💞...