I want to get home so that I can sleep for 17 hours with my mouth hung open so wide you’d mistake it for a black vortex where planes and people and boats and Ameillia Earharts go mysteriously missing and it petrifies the **** out of you that these things exist on this planet if you think about it for too long your eyes beady and blending into the dark of your bedroom or I want to jump out of my window and die or run up and down the four flights of stairs in my ****** apartment complex until I feel the muscles and tendons and ****** pink strings in the meat of my thick thighs burn and come to life and the fat rupture and break apart beneath my skin, or maybe I can just run a regular marathon but that’s so ******* boring that I would rather gouge out hollows between my ribs with a spoon because why the **** would I want to run in a straight line, I want to run up and down and zig and zag and left and right and upside-down and on my head and with my legs ******* behind my back and at the speed of light like the energy-never-dies organism that I am, all that I am really comprised of, the bare bones of what this body is broken down into in actuality, except I swear to ******* God I better die one day

I am descending down a hole,
That I have been down too many times before.
This time when I dive in,
I may not be coming back up again.

I stared too far into the abyss,
I dived too deep into it’s depths.
Lost myself to what I found within,
And it made it’s home beneath my skin.

I feel an itch beneath the surface,
And I just got to gnaw at it.
Self-cannibalistic I’ve become,
I’m slowly eating myself away.
Carnivorously, I consume the flesh that nets around my bones,
Hoping that it satisfies the carnivore in me.

Who knew dying would taste so **** good today.
Every bite I take I am slowly eating myself away.
The only way I feel alive is by feeding what will **** me one day.

Soon my bones will be exposed,
But it won’t be satisfied.
I will break them open and devour the marrow inside.
Still it won’t be satisfied!

One day nothing will remain!
Then it will climb back down the hole,
Waiting for someone to pull it out.
It’s always hungry for more.

No people can handle this ****.
Barely those who lives through this.
All purpose seems the life in flesh;
Is horrid at its best.
A twisted sitcom show.
That’s no less then cruel jokes.
many times in deepest holes.
eyes glorify the rope.
Or mind glorifies rope.
Who knows anymore.
One realizes loneliness is where the sick is born.
One realizes loneliness is how aching hearts shall mourn.
Yet again these thoughts of red,
beg that one please will tend.
With sharp swords and gore.
Of Blades piercing flesh
Of sharp swords and gore
until limbs be torn.
Surgical mesh be drenched.
This stomach is so sore.
Destruction absorbed.
Self infliction is adored.
........................................
in that wretched mirror.
It is so crystal clear.
This face  needs disfigured
This face needs to be Seared
An urge to burn the face,
as well as to cut.
Perform practices precise.
To tame the craves;
for blades
that thrusts.
Fugly as the ugly duckling.
If his feathers he began plucking.
repulsive ravishing disgust.
Spit at reflections for good luck.
Anger and vile succumb as it does.
In all ways that it can be done,
This self harm now one knows and loves.
Black seems white feathers of doves.
...........................................................
Insi­de black demented places.
Lurk do entities of hatred.
Laugh in masks like a masterpiece painted.
Unfazed as if one is sedated.
Forever this chaos.
in pureness created.
Dead be these roses.
in violet vases.
........................................................
To remain cloaked in magic states.
Still many strife always remains.
At times it seems the blind are divine.
Dilated be these eyes.
Shall needles pierce eyeballs to disdain.
Urning to spray the eyes with mace.
Keep the hArd drugs in the brain.  coursing through collapsed and thin veins.
Keeping the *** from being laced.
Without intoxicates still insane.
Only hopelessness and endless pain.
At a young age came,
demented strange days.
Paranoid in fear;
With destructive paths near.
malevolent demeanors have now appeared.
......................................................
For so long felt so helpless.
Life in all forms is selfish.
As despair impairs.
One becomes more selfless.
Remain thy light in darkness black.
While psychosis viciously attacks.
Crack back
Owning a craft.
Obsessed with knives and plastic wrap.
Unorthodox ways.
Leaving blood that rains.
Up for many nights and days
Owning a craft.
This world is sad
left perception oh so mad.

While on my  way to a friends gathering
I came across some boys walking
they spoke to me said I was pretty
I shied away from complimentary
they tore my dress ithat day
As I screamed  my little screams
covered my mouth no one could hear me
I bled my soul that day, no recovery
hands and parts in and all over me

Forcing and thrusting against my body
Shoving and pulling holding me down
After they finished left me there to bleed
Some nights I relive this haunting memory
Echos of voices penetrate my dreams
this is the day I lost my virginity

I tell my story It serves as a warning
To all the happy sweet nice innocent girls
Don’t be so **** trusting of what you hear
Not all  compliments from boys are sincere
Stop wanting thier approval and attention
Be aware if this very painful lesson

the antiques sitting here
collecting dust in their crevices
the forever cycle of fake smiles
placed on the plastered
eyes shoved in the hollowness of it
inanimate but still deserving of feelings
so i cry when i look at them
waiting for a whisper
waiting for them to say
“remember that time when..”

but i envy them
not to be cursed with a soul
because humanity is pitiful
finding empathy in the inanimate
feeling lonely enough to think an
old chair is sad,
jealous of replacement
i envy the antiques

forcing your invitation
beyond my lap
are we too fuckable?
stuffed and posed, i’m pretty now
permission to stare at my weak mouth
worthless, worthless
internal assurance,
only proven with sad pap-smears  
so the sound track is a belt unbuckling

dragging it ****** across my face
dripping *****.
rot covers the bridge of my nose
smiling, pleased at your product
and Satan grabbing at my cage
supporting my head,
scratching at the pretty ankles
searching beneath this gushing blood
getting off from the sound of it

boney bodies bending
broken boys
malnourished after flourishing
in the sweet sand she’s licking
herself into epiphany
****** hum, and the flavor was sour

going through the motions
***** fluidity then her mouth opens
bruises on wealthy knees
i am sweaty and i shriek i am laughing and then i shriek again
an intersection of trauma and pleasure
what did it mean to u?

i don’t wanna wake up pathetic, but every morning i find my will power wet with drew
sitting in the yard like a child’s toy