As you guzzle down your emotions,
forcibly silencing yourself,
You’re actually drowning an addiction;
Rather than your sorrows.
the liquid that easily slides down your throat,
is engulfing you in its depressively, thick brew.
Your eyes are noticeably bloodshot,
while mine are hidden behind hands and muffled tears.

i stare into the mirror and tired eyes stare back. a broken smile, ink drops dripping from tilted teeth, licorice liquid pulsating through vaurien veins. i can hear the beating of my heart in my ears, echoes of once was, this is, and will be's. she whispers to me. who is it that holds this heart, is it you or is it me?

the mirror stares back into me and wicked tongues weep. what words do you say and what do they mean?  what does it matter with words you can’t keep. static stains this tabescent mind, ink drops dripping like spilled scarlet wine, whiskey words of whispered repeats. who is it that holds this heart, is it you or is it he?

silence fills the room once more,
sitting behind your locked door.
open your eyes, a notification rang.
you’ve fallen asleep with the tv on again.
distractions, noise to keep your mind away,
one more play,
one more play,
one more play.
are you still watching?
are you still there?
or have you again let your mind wander elsewhere.
change the subject, change the story,
write another allegory.
turn off the screen, lock the door,
it's time to fall asleep once more.


― i don’t know how to make things better

my heart hangs heavy this morning
and air escapes my lungs easier than it comes.
drowning in the silence
and the static of what you say,
i am alone today.


— nothing has changed

i often find myself
wishing the rain would wash me away,
that a storm would shake my leaves
and rip up my roots,
and carry me along the waves.


― i've heard drowning is a peaceful way to die

Manic, Depressive / Manic, Depressive / Manic, Depressive /

this **** is impressive / Got ghosts in my mind, but I’ll be addressin’ / This **** in my head that’s got me depressed / Workin’ my hardest, trying my best / tryna escape, can't get out of bed / Word on the street is I’m losing my head / Fight me, I dare you / C’mon go ahead / I’ve been sittin on diamonds under my bed / Stole a whole paycheck and left that boy dead

Manic, Depressive / Manic, Depressive / Manic, Depressive / Depressive Depressive / Manic Depressive,

this **** is impressive / Tryna escape, can’t get out of bed / Listen to these voices inside my head: Blood and it’s spilling out of my veins / Onto the bed sheets / Leaving red stains / Can’t help but wonder / If maybe this pain / Will just go away if I bleed down the drain

Manic, Depressive / Manic, Depressive / Manic, Depressive / Depressive Depressive /

Ah, ****. I just missed my train.
Whatever, I’ll come back and ride it again

Manic, Depressive /

A little obsessive / Standing on rooftops wearing my messes / Know I could jump / Know that it’s reckless / Manic, Depressive / Manic, Depressive / Depressive Depressive Depressive Depressive / Took all my pills, Why am I stressin? / Can’t even look at my ******* reflection / Had all my meds / Why’m I still crying? / Doesn’t the world see that I’m dying? / Can’t help but feeling, there’s no denying / Hate that I’m worthless / Hate that I’m crying / I prolly need help but I’d rather be flying /

/ I prolly need help but I’d rather be flying /

Manic Depressive / I’m on top of the world / Just earlier today, I met this cute girl / And maybe she loves me, maybe she don’t / I want her to know that --- love her? I won’t / Manic Depressive / I’m crying I hate it / I saw the sunrise but I’m really debating / What I will say in my last moments / Goodbye to God and Hello to Satan /


Manic, Depressive / Manic, Depressive / Manic, Depressive / Manic, Manic- It’s come down to this / Why I’ve been waiting, / It’s come down to this / Why I’ve been waiting / right now it’s Game Day / No hesitating

/ I prolly need help but I’d rather be flying /

Here comes the train, no more delaying / shaking the rails / standing between / Heaven and Hell / and then someone yelled -

Fell out of the way / at the sound of the horn / surrounded by dust, coughing a storm /
Look back at the tracks, see only fear / I’m a ******* coward / Can’t believe I’m still here

Manic Depressive / Depressive / Depressive: Now I’m just sinking / Back into bed / Can’t shut off these voices inside my head / I’m shaking, I’m screaming: Why Aren’t I Dead?

Manic, Depressive / Manic, Depressive / Manic, Depressive / Now I’m regressing: / Found some guy, says that I’m cute / Don’t want what he’s got but I guess this will do / He looks at me like / Maybe I’ve got a clue / But really I don’t and I know it won’t last / I’m just reliving my painful past / I’m hoping he’ll take me somewhere away - away from my body, away from my brain / but all that he does is add to my pain / he calls me his Kitten / Says I’m so great / I’m wondering if maybe I made a mistake

Manic, Depressive / Massive attack / I’ve gotten to this place / Where I’ve come detached / Nothing makes sense / nothing is fact / I’m half locked away / Just shut the latch

/ Manic, Depressive / This **** is Impressive / Manic, Depressive / Just shut the latch
Manic, Depressive / I can’t even speak / Manic, Depressive / but I know I’m not weak

I prolly need help but I’d rather be flying

i think i might disappear today,
take to the water and wind.
sink to the ocean and fade away
until i have become nothing.


— it’s quiet at the bottom of the sea

i exist in conveniences;
in habitual i love yous
and obligated i’m here for yous.
in calculated i cares
and loathsome i’ll listens.

i exist in conveniences:
i love you (when it’s convenient)
i’m here for you (when it’s convenient)


— i exist (when it’s convenient)

whats cooking good lookin i ask
they smile a big smile and i see shark teeth
i look down and see a hole in my chest
i run as they chase me and jump out of the window
when i wake up it starts all over