I hear her whispering to me
sweet, gentle words in my ear.
I want her to reach out
touch me, hold me, wrap her long spindly arms around me.
To take away the strain it takes to breath.
To tear away the persistent pain.
The pain that rips through my thoughts like the crash and ferocity of a wave
breaking on the shore.
I want her to keep talking to me.
She beckons me
“Come here, let me help you.”
She pulls me in as if she were doing everything to save me.

She might save me.
If I follow her the way she wants,
like the way I want to.
As if I were a moth chasing a child holding a wildly moving flashlight.
She might save me.
The more she whispers to me.
The more I crave her.
The more the pain rises like it’s an elevator,
shooting to the top of a skyscraper.

I might listen to her.
I might follow her.
I want to.
I want to see her, go to her.
I need to.
I need her to take away my pain like she promises.
A promise so strong two pinkies solidifying it would not be enough.

Death, she calls herself.

She might save me.

pouring all the water in the glass, till the glass starts spilling out everywhere
this happens every time she drinks from it
she's fully aware of it, but allows it to keep spilling
wetting her shirt, the floor, and the table
drops on her skin racing to the floor, trying to beat gravity

meanwhile they were in front, watching all of it
wondering why she isn't doing anything to stop it
second-hand embarrassment is what they felt
for the fact that she can't simply drink a glass of water without spilling it all
"what a mess" they thought

nobody wanted to be around that girl
"stupid" and "strange" are words that were used to describe her
because at such an older age, how can she not drink a glass of water?
how can she not control herself?
how does she not think about how uncomfortable it is for others to watch?

she knew what was happening, but continued to let it happen
she watched as everyone judged her, but still kept on going
is it inconsideration or self sabotage?
she wanted to see if they would see past that
but in the end, she realized that was what she was defined as