It's the way my heart skips a beat.
It's the way I can't stay in my seat.
It's the reason why I can't sleep.
It's the reason why I think so deep.

When your eyes smile with your teeth.
On my skin, the goosebumps crawl beneath.

I want to be your number
one, first in yours and my
mind; I know this but not
pure feelings, splintered,
roots overgrown, twisted
and menacing, am I your
perfect little idol, or am I
just a delusion?

Are you even real?
Or just a product of my dreams?
Losing you is something I fear.
Maybe I should come with you my dear.

Burning down my throat,
these pills they made me swallow.
As I lay in bed to wallow.
I don't want to wake up dear.
Losing you is something I fear.

Please they want me to stay awake.
In my dreams your presence follows me in my wake.
Hold me tight, I don't wanna ever leave.
If you're not here I don't wanna ever live.

Tears sting the corner of my eyes.
As they force water in my mouth.
I count the minutes before I'm finally out.
Now you're no longer here when I close my eyes.

Are you even real?
Or just a product of my dreams?
Losing you is something I fear.
I should have come with you my dear.

- N.V. 🥀

stepping back through the looking glass,
you might like the delusion,
but you don't like the questions it asks.
this version is only appealing at night
with your eyes shut tight,
but it leaves no favourable impression
in the daylight.
you long for a moment that's long gone,
a solution to a problem that's unsolvable,
choking on your own metaphors
for a life you once knew, way before,
a perpetual cliffhanger
that leaves you waiting for more,
but you're already faced with an excess.
you don't want to go back,
you're just mesmerised by the allusion,
reaching out to you
through the looking glass.

you made me miss the train in my dream: my fault for staring so long
i walked home alone that day, in the rain
singing some stupid tune to myself

did you think of me?
sitting there in contemplation, aside those ever-clear windows
did you look for me?
like i look for you in the morning commute and math before recess and anywhere everywhere in that sprawling liar we call memory

i know you didn't
but truly, it's fine
you will someday
when i muster up my courage and take that big leap

yes, w.

i would leap in front of a train if it meant you looked at me for just one second

or at least i would in the dream

but really, i'm so scared
scared of your acknowledgement, scared of your indifference
scared of your love, scared of your hatred
most of all scared that i might die without you ever having cared

so i wait and ponder and rot away
and course toward that cruel fate i so dread
such is reality

but not my fantasy:

w., i hope i get hit by a train in your dream

Thoughts abound in the whirlmill that is my mind

Fear, regrets, despair, anguish dominate

Devoid of joy and happiness, love nothing but a nightmare

Lost to the past i find myself bound



Forsaking love, never loving, fearing love

Hiding from, wanting to feel, absent love lingers and hurts

Longing to mirror my soul's reflection in my lover's eye

Bereft my heart in never ending fear



Always yearning, finding love never enough

Returning , giving my soul back, paralyzed me

Fearing a simple kiss more than death itself

Love meant it all, drowning from it, only getting closer



Delusions and false remembrances canvased my pain

Rejecting love thought me free

Landscapes of lies paint dreams never dreamt

Quest for intimacy and eternal love befallen reality

Unrelenting denial brought me to love

My heart opened to my soulmate

But she was not there

When I look around
I've done great things
Exceptional
I qualify your worship
I am, who they should follow
Finest masterpiece
Ask around
Great superior I am
Oh, how sweet
To hold power

Let's be real
The universe is designated for first class and economy
I am decorated in suits_
You barely afford shoes
Let's be clear,
That's not on me

When I smile today
While you live in tears
Karma isn't a must
You see me - roll the velvet carpet
Lets coexist in this world

I am
A true leader
For the people

When the speech ends
Frowns fill silence
Hearts moan

The crown doesn't fit
Only lies linger in air
The clowns in power

I stutter, words burn,
Lipton shades drench our desk,
I turn your world like a dollar,
But you were already rolled out

You might play my smile like a violin,
Those feline eyes, in there wounded design,
It is fur that can’t trim,
Shedding ****** like ashes,
Petting you, as the comforters descending,

Blood is a blooming bass,
Whispering,
“You fit in my vase,
The sun you may taste”