I woke up on the wrong side of the bed
The nighttime fear stayed with me,
When I should have only dreamt,
I played the victim again though the feelings are hard to mend,
I’m seeing red in my face again
You were right when I said that you were wrong,
You always carried me, to a place like a different song
You were right to be upset, you were right to feel wronged,
You were right when hope was gone.
You said you could take on the world,
You said my needs were yours to be heard,
You cried in your mourning, you cried out it’s pure,
You cried out he loves me I’m sure.
These are the visions in my head,
Someone holding you late at night when it should be me instead,
I pushed you away, trying to pull you close,
How my demons soon became my ghosts
He held you so sweetly I was sure,
He kissed you like you wanted and always gave you more,
We should have just been friends, we wouldn’t have to worry then,
But now my vision shakes to the core,
We built our house so bittersweet.
A new fresh start right before we leap,
It was scary for you, it was familiar to me,
I’m no stranger to nights with little sleep.
As you walk away I’ll sing this song,
Not to you but for me, to see how I play along,
I wanted to help you through this,
We couldn’t trust what we would say,
Always afraid of the next day.
There again he’s there unlike me,
Supportive with no baggage, that I placed at your feet,
If you need a day. If you need a month.
If you need a lifetime you know I’ll always hum
About a girl I knew. About a girl I miss, about a girl who saw me as viscous.
I don’t want to hurt you anymore,
I don’t want to keep banging my head, straight across the floor,
You need something maybe I don’t have
You need someone who’ll give you a chance.
I’ve been so selfish in my mind.
Always worried people were committed like a crime,
I can’t see the truth, I don’t know if there is a lie,
Except when I once said goodbye,
I can’t fix this problem I have.
The doctors and the medicine didn’t always last,
I’m a hate crime to myself, I may never walk in line
But at least I see myself this time.
My imagination is my worst friend,
The panic of grief, over and over again
I didn’t want to lose you, no I didn’t want to waste your time,
But the burden of guilt is mine
I shouldn’t make you feel this way,
Breaking things and making things are harder if we stay,
I don’t want to try to sway you, I don’t want to confuse your thoughts
Because I know how it is when they get lost
And the vision of death comes again.
Replaying the scenario, my familiar trend,
I can never be safe I’ll never sing a song.
Without sorrow from times that are now long gone.
Sometimes my imagination is the worst scenario. Sometimes my mind makes the surreal real. Sometimes the only thing that feels real is the grief. And I was wrong about the imaginary transgressor. It was me who held you with no baggage. Until I couldn’t hold it to myself. It was me who was supportive. Until we needed a break so I can see again