To my dark scar, my black mark,
The shadowy spectre that follows,
you have constantly fought me down.
But know - I will not stand for it anymore.
I will reduce you to lower than anonymity
you are less than a stranger or an enemy
I will stare straight through you
you are not even nothing to me.
I no longer believe the lie that I need you
I will deny you the attention that feeds you
You are no more my inspiration or my muse
instead I choose to see things differently.
You will not be beautified or elevated,
You will not be derided or hated,
I won't dignify you with a single thought,
but, from now on - I will stand above you.
I am greater than the pin ***** of your existence
my heart beats with strength and persistence
You will not longer be the fear that lies in me
I will see the truth shining behind your darkness
You have tried to take my living breath
but I have already hit the depth of depths
and you can do me no more pain -
time and time again I will find my feet
and though you may bring me to tears
and poke my imagination with a thousand fears
I will not bow to you, my eyes are fixed on something higher,
and I will be wholeheartedly blinkered.
I will be me and that will be good enough
I won't measure myself by any of your should'ves
I will not blindly pursue an expectation of emptiness
instead I will profess my own self worth
I will see all of my differences - indifferently
they are beautiful and flawed but are unique to me
The rights to this story are paid for and they are mine
and I vow to myself that I will hold onto my pride
And when you rise up in me and begin whispering
when you are sat upon my shoulder - I won't be listening
I will block you out, I will sing above you
I will sing unashamedly because my voice is mine
and you will no longer dictate my course.
And when you are the brick wall standing in my way
And you try to cause my reason and my sanity to sway
I will rush you, I will break you and I will crush you
You will be no more than the dust beneath my feet
And I will run faster and stronger than before
And I know it won't be the last time I say this
But this will be my statement of intent and I will believe in it
And so right now, right at this moment
It ends.
For me this is a poem against anxiety but it could be against any number of things really and so I left it open. I suffered from anxiety and depression for a long time and I wrote a lot of poetry from that place and thought that it was something that I needed until a few years back when a shift occurred. I still suffer from anxiety but at one point I realised I never wrote anything that was against my anxiety/depression and so decided that I would and this poem is the result.
I am currently recording some of my poetry for a project and this is one of the poems I am recording... so if you like it keep an ear to the ground for news! Dan
