Down my hands fall
Away from your familiar face.
The words couldn’t escape
A last kiss stole away my breath.
Every emotion known to man
Sinking down my core into the grassy floor.
How heavy those emotions must have been
For suddenly I could turn.
Away I strode
Returning to a place that cannot be home.

Down through the window
Into a cold empty bed.
Each heart beat crashed
Reverberating through my head.
A loved one lost
Another on the edge.
It is near impossible to text
When your eyes are swollen and red.
“Pull yourself together,
Two do not need to be dead.”

Down to the floor
An alternative plan instead.
Hidden behind old shoes
A tool neither friend nor foe.
Cold metal kissing my skin
The feeling never as sweet as his.
One last message sent
Finally giving in to what I told her she cant.
My thighs crossed with red droplets
Mimicking the droplets on my cheeks.

Down my legs
I watched the tiny rivers.
Each heart beat pumping
More blood out the seams.
Maybe someday I’d learn what it meant
To bend instead of break.
For now however
I’d enjoy the design of porcelain cracks.
Two mistakes made
In a single night.

i look at myself in that long, ***** mirror --
the lighting is bad and i look ghost-like
in the shadows of the room

i lift up my oversized t-shirt
and my eyes fall to the blunt cuts
that grace my soft skin

i try not to do this too often
but lately it has become much too hard
to ignore for long

the blade that rests in my sweaty palm
feels like a million pounds
as i bring it to my stomach

Self Harm isn’t romantic
it’s not poetic
it’s hard
it hurts

How much do you have to hate
yourself before you start
cutting
yourself
your thighs, your wrists, your own skin

How long do you have to cut yourself before
people stop looking at you as an
“Attention seeker”
and as someone who needs help

How deep do you have to cut until
all the sadness pours out of your skin

I used to think that the more lines I
could make appear on my skin
the more I would
feel better
feel real
feel

How far can I cut without someone seeing?
is today a “Do I wear bracelets or a sweatshirt day”?
or both?

Blade after blade
cut after cut
blood and more blood
and more blood and more blood

Why did I ever think this was something I
could control?
Mental health is not meant to be dealt with
alone.
My body is not an old piece of paper I can
just cut up when I want to be done with it.

My body is the battleground of the war between
my head and my heart
I see it everyday
the way the old scars turn into a light white and
the new ones flake like paper cuts

But I’m learning to love how the scars makeup the art that
my legs and wrists are
There will be a day where the scars will fade away fully
and all that will be left is the art that my whole body will be

i held an old friend to my wrist tonight
panicked and unable to breath
a mess of sickening sobs
he pressed down against me
holding me in a comforting embrace
the tears soon ceased
and again i could breath
beneath my wristwatch band
i’ll keep this forbidden secret
nobody can know but me
nobody can know but me.

— relapse

Some days,
I do the slicing.
Others you do.

Regardless
It hurts,
Hurts like hell

On my thigh
Or
On my heart

The blood still runs
Red
Deep scarlet red.

But you
Don't know that,
Do you?

Just as I was about to take my shoes, off of the rooftop there I see, A girl with braided hair there before me. Despite myself I go and scream, "Hey! Don't do it please!" Woah wait a minute, what did I just say? I couldn't care less either way. To be honest, I was some what ******. This was an opportunity missed. The girl with braided hair told me her woes. You've probably heard it all before. "I really thought that he might be the one, but then he told me he was done." For God's sakes please! Are you serious? I just can't believe that for some stupid reason you got here before me! Are you upset cause you can't have what you wanted? You're lucky that you've never gotten robbed of anything! "I'm feeling better, thank you for listening." The girl with braided hair then disappeared.

"Alright today's the day!" Or so I thought. Just as I took both of my shoes off, there was but a girl short as can be. Despite myself I go and scream. The petite girl told me her woes. You've probably heard it all before. "Everyone ignores me, everyone steals. I don't fit in with anyone here." For God's sakes please! Are you serious? I just can't believe that for some stupid reason you got here before me! Cause even so, you're still loved by everyone at home. There's always dinner waiting at the the table you know! "I'm hungry." Said the girl, she shed a tear. The girl short as can be then disappeared.

And like that, there was someone everyday. I listened to their tales, I made them turn away. But yet there was no one who would do this for me, no way I could let out all this pain....

For the very first time there I see, someone with the same pains as me. Having done this time and time again, she wore a yellow cardigan. "I just wanna stop the scars that grow every time that I go home. That's why I came up here instead." That's what the girl in the cardigan said. Woah wait a minute, what did I just say? I couldn't care less either way. But in the moment I just screamed something that I did not believe. "Hey! Don't do it please!" What to do?! I can't stop this girl, oh this is new! For once I think I've bitten off more than I can chew! But even so, please just go away so I can't see, your pitiful expression is just too much for me! "I guess today is just not my day." She looked away from me and then she disappeared.

There's no one here today, I guess it's time. It's just me, myself, and I. There's no one who can interfere. No one to get in my way here. Taking off my yellow cardigan, watching my braids all come undone, this petite girl short as can be, is gonna jump now and be free.

hello
i said
to man underneath my bed
hello
i said
to the voices in my head
hello
i said
to the body in the shower
hello
i said
at the witching hour
hello
i said
to the maggots in rotting flesh
hello
i said
to cuts still fresh
goodbye
i said
to a mind, almost dead