you’re a deep canyon.
and I sit perched on the plane’s wing -
goggles on, sipping tea.

from up here,
you're a thin black outline,
a giggle and a wonder.

Did it all mean nothing, just wasted my time?
Was it all worth something, something I claimed mine?

The people I’ve met and the journey I’ve been on
Did the friendship really set, from dusk till  dawn?

From setting off fireworks on top of the school,
To happily acting like a fool,

From what I’ve learned and to I’ve bought,
There’s been a growing guilt which I have fought

What did she mean when she said, “The dark side of this place”?
What will, in the future, will I face?

Helped others but still felt the presence of wrath,
How do I know that I’m on the right path?

In the past I knew it was the eye of the storm
“I’ll find out the unknown,” I have sworn.

As learning is the only thing I find entertaining,
But in terms of my enemy, reality, there’s nothing I’m gaining

So, I look back into the past, scavenging for advice,
I hope in the future I’ll learn to think twice.

after anti-lamentation by dorianne laux

Regret nothing. Not the true-crime shows that kept you up in morbid curiosity,
Anticipation and cynicism you couldn’t help but chase like Pandora’s box,
A price you paid with the death of childhood ignorance.
Not the hours you spent trying to delude yourself into forgetting,
Trying to bring the fantasy worlds in your fictions to life as a distraction,
Only for them to be tainted by the blood of your supposed savior,
Not the nights you woke up in the purgatory of consciousness held down by restraints,
Inescapable regardless of how much you tried to urge your muscle nerves to just move;
You broke the rules - your mind your prison,
something you could sense but would never truly understand.
You were born to live an unfulfilled life,
Half of you chasing comfort in the warmth of the radiating body in the sky,
Only for the other to seek its death - to watch a being of vast power, provider of light,
devolve into infinite darkness - emptiness warping space and time, void of destruction.
You’ve been here before, sat in front of fate dealing her cards,
Only for her to reveal the fool, just like she had the last time, and the time before that.
Regret none of it, not one of the countless sleepless nights you’ve endured,
Not one of the days you walked through the world with your vision spinning,
Permanently blinded by the haze that stood between you and affirmation.
You’ve been blessed with a beautiful gift, so relax.
Don’t bother thinking about escaping the fog,
The way that it consumes your mind with unanswerable questions,
An uncontrollable desire to chase against your rationale.
I mean, you asked for it, didn’t you?