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H 2d
I reached out to you yesterday.
You had just told me how you felt,
You said it felt difficult.
I felt it too.

Three weeks it had been.
The silence echoed.
I questioned myself, had I done something?
I waited and waited…

I asked to meet up again,
You didn’t respond.
The day before you sounded different,
Then I heard nothing but my own heartbeat.

I had been over the moon.
I thought you might like me.
Do you though?
How am I to know.

My friend saw us,
Were you asked about it, and it felt too much?
Or were you honest…
You just felt like you were gonna mess something up.
Written to process what happened
Shriek

Throw this flesh into wind for to be tattered.

Flense & flay me; sprayed hot onto cold asphalt. Ribbon shred.

This isn't loving Summer, no. Springtime is
planting-
     gestation--
          gasping births---
                violence.
The invasion that is existing.

The Green of April is no gleaming emerald;
It is fury. It is ravenous hunger. It is manic desperation to be
It is the razor's edge of bleeding insistence.

Remove these bones. Festoon your thoughts with the sting and the ache. These verbs are command form. It is Spring.

That ripping. That fibrous, fluid tear. You hear it, yes?

Tilt me over and spill my ******* guts out.
Clouds of grey and bright red rain--squall of ichor. Knife wind.

Let us weep thunderstorms. Chagrin these Gods of Drought.

Howl

Scream for us both. Wail until the throat bleeds. Blood decanter.
Pour us out of you until the sidewalk hides from the cold.

Chilly today! Should've brought an anorak, eh?

Gale force wind. Tear me up. Spare no expense, accept no substitutes.
Leave no intact iota. Return me to my component parts. Atomize me.
Untangle us, we are a tragedy.
...And, after all, this is a slasher, yeah?

I mean. At least distract me. Ya know?
Shiiiiiiiiit, I dunno.
Do you not think about it the thing we fear the most
Same way we will all end and have a string around our toe
Or is it just me wondering about something I really can not help
Something so honest but so hurtful to accept
Did it ever cross your mind
How soothing religion is to believe
Yet everyone still has that fear at the end,
because life isn't at all what it seems
You can only speak now
What you feel and what you know
But how certain are you of the place you end up when it's really time to go
They say give it to God and I did
And he gave the thoughts back
If hell wasn't such the curse
Would our good deeds still be an act
If you knew there was nothing at the end
Would you share that and instill fear
Or would you put your loved one's heart and mind at peace,
if you told them what they wanted to hear
In no way am I saying there is no super being
There's a whole wide world
So, God isn't what I'm questioning
What if we're supposed to just feel the right now
And feel all the moments
Just to say it has happened
Is that what the Lord only wanted
Life is a celebration
The poor suffer through, and the rich take a toast
But how can you be obsessed with something you fear the most?
If electric bicycles
Are not technically vehicles;
Then they are subject
To the same rules, protections, and treatments
As that of pedestrians & traditional cyclists.

If electric bicycles
Are technically vehicles;
Then they are subject
To the same laws, accommodations, and treatments
As that of operators & traditional motorists.

You can have elements of either
Without the full embrace of one,
But this creates confusion.
Not only on the part of the individual,
But legislatively & judicially.
Ay, good thing we tore up all our canals and were rid of all our trolleys. At least, mostly.
January 7d
Now its doubt
you question
"Will it be alright?"
But someday, you'll know
Always, at the end of the tunnel, there's light.

Now its disbelief
you question
"How, in this way, it turned out in the end?"
But someday, you'll know
The art of letting it sink and blend.

Now its anger
you question
"Why do things often go wrong?"
But someday, you'll know
They were meant to, all along.

Now its dread
you question
"Why do I have to be a coward?"
But someday, you'll know
You were just careful that day onward.

Now its regret
you question
"Why couldn't have I done that one thing?"
But someday, you'll know
How to let go and not cling.

Now its exhaustion
you question
"Why do people have to be so insane?"
But someday, you'll know
All your tries were not in vain.

Now its despair
you question
"Where are all the sunshine rays?"
But someday, you'll know
You were under clouds and yet to come, were days.

Now its agony
you question (this one a lot)
"Why does it have to be this way?"
But someday, I hope, you'll know
Why it had to be that way.
Love found us when we are not in our best forms
We created memories in a short span of time
We laughed, we cried, we cursed
Only to find out that we were not each other's match.
The road towards felicity is rough
We stumbled, we fall
We even hurt ourselves in the process
I keep asking this question, "is this really worth trying for?"
January May 14
Perhaps,
to empathise
to understand a little more
is to hurt deeply without a wound
is to hurt deeper than a wound hurts

For you try to search for the wound to find the sword's owner
to explain the scar that's to be there
But you feel your wounds without any
piercing, tearing of skin
without any escaping of blood
without any sword
or the hands that were to hold it
hands that were to be condoned by you.

But there weren't any
how does one hold his own empathy accountable?
his own ability to gaze at this world from different
or perhaps
all of the peaks.
January May 13
Whether you wanna wear that yellow sundress,
or the black pants, but they require press.
Whether you wanna wake early morning,
or stay awake late nights reading.
Whether you wanna play a song to dance,
or a calm music to get a stance.

I wish those were the type of confusion,
Life tossed upon you in profusion.
January May 8
I long to weave my thinking into phrases,
before the account of nostalgic moments ceases.
I wish to pen every moment, each picture that I've beheld
and I want to word all of the yearnings withheld.

what is this madness, this endless chase?
to record on a thin sheet all that took place.
Happenings and incidents I try to compile,
is this meaningful or just futile?

For sometimes it feels they'll crawl out of me
and without a glance back, run free.
and I'd not have the strength to stand,
on my wobbling legs and stretch my hand.

I don't know if this feeling's a little gray
I know somethings that have to stay
will not require me to hold tight
yet losing them builds a fright
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