Crystalized memories,
shining in the palm
of your outstretched hand.
Too far away – blinded
by their innocence;
I turn away.
eyes hands mind
closed – I lost
My place in them.

How can a natural thing hurt so much
Why do our brains turn love to dust
I don’t understand why this feels so wrong
Trying to eat just takes so long
I’ll never understand why my brain does this
Tells me no one could love this
I apologize to those I meet
For I am not yet settled on my two feet

I think being raised to follow a god stunted my understanding of love
I had never felt a connection to any god but I was told that I loved him above all else
That he was my rock, my anchor, the one to guide me
They were so wrong.
It’s intense and I can’t seem to ignore it
I feel strange calling it love, I don’t know if that’s what to call it
I know they make me feel so much, all at once
It's scary, and intense
But I’m excited to see what happens

Whenever someone has a crush
They can't do more than blush
I have no idea why it is such.
Humans only assume, but God knows much

is it this loss,
the loss of her
or is it something else

constantly eating, dreaming.
looking.
waiting, searching.
failing.

people seem to find that which they look.
I do not.

am I alone in my antsy
will my leg ever stop shaking,
my heart stop looking?
will I ever be satisfied?

having the audacity
to accept the duality
of man, of time, of life
rather a causality
in itself
of things, of people, of emotions
you can finally let go
the loss of innocence
before you even know
not hopelessly muddled anymore
like the grey colour
in the middle of black and white
no more under the pressure
now off to where the air is fresher.