In a memorial of paper cuts,
near magazines of ****,
midnight mini-golf putts,
before their doors will shut,

Your blonde, wavery pony tail
set the boat with breaths to sail
Your green eyes lit up the fields,
for the trees that grew for miles.

Your skin lit up the skies at night,
your charisma burned so bright,
I took all the good drugs in winter
as we worked so well together,

All I cared was for your grin,
shaking the mixers and gin.
I may have crossed with my sins
but never invaded your skin.

You know I respected you greatly,
like when you took off your jumper,
I looked away in case your shirt,
gave me a glimpse of deniable flirt

I wish I was from your decade,
they all said we were so very able,
but I resisted their dumb words
This is reality and not a fable.

I must admit, to conflicted
of the guilt of my feelings,
and I can't save myself,
to die.
to die.
to die.......

I hungered for your skin,
and I wondered of your sins
and of everyone saying,
we should be a couple,
I spat in front of them,
as they just fantasized
and wondered...
But you were only 19
and I was twice at night
and older during the day.

Lies are all what people tell me
They act like I can barely see
How much lies they tell me

People tell me great stuff about myself
People tell me that I need to appreciate myself
Because of all I do 
But, it reminds me what I did to you
It's like my brain
Doesn't want me to obtain
The kind words someone gives me 
Instead, I'm supposed to believe that they are simply lying to me
It's just like my heart can't let me be

My brain tells me I need to believe them
While my heart says I can't believe them 
Paranoid of what to choose
I chose the *****
I chose to be indecisive
I hate being being indecisive
But that's who I am

I don't know who to believe
Or if I should even leave
And close the curtains
Or just leave the curtains
Alone

I feel like I'm drowning in decisions I don't even mean to make
My life is at stake
Just because of mistakes
I choose to make
Every decision I make comes with bricks
That's one of my conflicts
Bricks always in my palms
I can't always keep calm!
Why can't you people understand that?!

I feel like I'm getting closer to death
Closer...and closer to death
All conflicts are made by my mistakes
Now other's lives are at stake
But am I the person who actually created these *?
Even so
I always say sorry
I say sorry
Too much
All you do is munch
On my apologies
Like you're my allergies
You never forgave me
Don't act like I can't see

I don't even know if I should stop saying sorry
I keep on saying sorry
It feels useless
To not do any less
To do more
But I don't know anymore 

I don't know what to do anymore

You worship at My shrine and give
Your sweet and labored love
You tell Me “i’d give my whole life to You”
And “I only want to be held by You”
I look down and swallow it whole
It is not enough
Though ripe and plump
And full to bursting
It is not enough

Is it fair of Me to ask a mortal to feed My thirst?
Is it fair that I look for a different taste
A better fruit then what anyone can offer
You built My temple and made Me whole
But it is not enough
And your fruit is simply too sweet

If I demand you to wait
While I look for a better taste
Would you?
If I told you to kneel
At My holy shrine
Until your knees bleed
And your fruit rots
I know you would

affection has an expiration date.
becomes affliction,
turns sour like 4 month old whole milk.

love is always past due.
thrown away fresh out the oven,
now hogged during family dinner.

take what can only be given.
nothing can be given.
only take. it expires.

What do I think we are
Did I expect to see stars
Spining around both our heads
Forgetting the path that I fled
It all sounds so silly to me
Going back to such lived misery
How can I entertain my delight
At the thought of being under your spotlight
It all felt so decided, quite final
Like our last song on a vinyl
An album played ad nauseam
Swimming circles in stagnum
But a tale as old as time
The whimsy to rewind
In my attempt to create closure
I found the itch to flip our record over.

I'm ******* and my stomach is weighted down
A dark force is trying to make us disappear into the ground
He followed me with a noose that hung around a slender neck
A vulture who haunts my flesh just waiting for a peck

Hitting my chest to get the negativity out
envisioning light entering and the darkness dispersing about
Yet I still hear the hangman's words
I blocked them, yet they are still heard

"Little skinny girl,
just used for a cinnamon swirl
She will stutter just a little more
I can't seem to find her allure."

He has a hold on me whispering line after line
I honestly don't think I will make it in time
I found a place of redemption and a glimmer of hope
Yet I fall every time my foot moves to leave this slippery *****

Loosen the knot and slide your rope around me
Make sure there is a snap when I start to swing

I live conflicted
between the life I'm gifted
and fault lines that have shifted
under my feet
for a dream delete
under the concrete
mob elite.

The grass isn't green and ****
I stand here beetle bit
I can't seem to sift
through the needless rifts
brought by greedy grifts
and seedy spit
on our supply side cliff.

I stand out of the range
of the morally deranged
which is how they arrange
my inability to effect change
which puts me down in the count
and down on the scoreboard
so I can't purchase a mount
to start moving forward.

I'm the disease and the antidote
I'm the hunter and the antelope
water rushing through the dam I broke
flooding the land of hope
with my brand of nope
down a tantrum *****.

There's a cynical patter in town
saying it doesn't matter if I drown
or if I burn
either way I suffocate
then put into the ground in turn
they just listen to sounds that churn
as the unbound learn
there are hounds on Earth
that scour the turf.

I sit on the sidelines
begging them to stop
but then I find I'm
cheering the beating of cops
after seeing their glocks
protecting nothing but stocks
when an uptick in mops
is what we should want.

I am the owl sitting in the tree
I am the fowl dead among the leaves
I watch the world turn from my grave
where I burn as a slave
just to return to my cave
to repeat this the next day.