Awful is
The particular sound my tears make when they hit the ground
You'd think maybe they'd be entertaining, coming from a clown
But misery echos a history and the volume can not be found
Any smile is a complex frown I've simply practiced upside down

©2024

I swear...
I didn't mean to **** the best of me
Or squash what I like in me
Yet here I stand
****** weapon in hand
My essence
Dripping down the blade
Like rain from a cloud
Or tears of a clown
Landing on the razors edge
A familiar sight and sound

©2024

Tried it
Can't do it
Can not be done
So it can't be undone, I'll prove it

Picture this for a minute
Picturesque hides what's not picture perfect
Don't run
It may pay off to listen to the verdict

Incompetent parents apparent
Cinderella's sisters type fit
Concrete clown shoes
Encased in discount mob cement

Bounced check
Inherited emotional debt
My symbolic account
Won't reveal, just conceals most of it

A Zeppelin wreck
Unnecessary resentment, no regret
I 86'd forgiveness
And I'm not looking to forget

The living, breathing embodiment
Of "The crime doesn't fit the punishment"
"Be wary the quiet ones"
I also embody that statement

I am what they meant
A broken degenerate
And no matter my efforts
It's as permanent as I get

I hope this clears things up a bit

©2024

A massive weight shifts between my shoulders. It’s another fight, I am getting older. One more step, I grow bolder. See me out there, on that thin wire. Juggling my life at the same time trying to aspire. The pain didn’t set me back; it lit in me a fire. Your words sharp like a blade and my heart for hire. Elusive to the noise, I climb higher.
I’m eviserating the catacombs of an empire.
I am not trying to scale the ladder. I’m tearing it down to the mire. I am not dousing the flame, I am feeding the fire.

If we are walk this way, we need to dress the correct attire.

Clearly there is an internal fight, a struggle for power. I am not built to last, I eventually get tired. But the problems that disappeared just reappear taking on another form.
I do my best to keep my balance and keep walking this thin wire.

There is a silence in the noise of a mob
I can feel my heart. The story has to end or at least on my part. Will I hit the net below to sweet depart?

Or Shall I just keep juggling as I walk? It doesn’t matter if they think I am a fool; just as long as I do my part.
Life is a circus, living it is an art.


-RSC

I feel stupid I feel dumb
I won but what
did I really win, you are so childish
had to cut the strings, can no longer cradle it
you are a baby, so immature
you are such an actor, improve king
scratch that you are such a clown
a king would have a crown
but you cannot face what you were born to be
rather keep yourself like an oath, just to not rock the boat
but I cannot be your baby only in the moonlight
in daylight, you are scared to touch me
it rubs me the wrong way, you love me the wrong way
I pictured us as more but you pictured me as decor
a vessel for your fantasy, a trophy nothing more
then you block me on everything because I won’t allow you to keep vanishing
encore encore, but you are still so unsure
fix yourself, please
maturing can be a breeze
when you take accountability

DEAR PENPAL PEOPLE, November writes:}

felt my own selfishness
felt my own blindness
my underestimate
that fatal weight
of my own expressions carried
on upon other people's sights become buried
interactive confusion
paid the price to concealing them delusions
but when I look at her
I see me in skin bare
the old one who never tried
never been one to cry
that lost featured
that defeat creatured
in each eye across me that mockery
embraced for that heredity
not the only one I felt
blamed and met
ached a hurdle
to trace the burden
all nothing new
to an age which I won't be able to view
won't be able to perceive
under eyes won't be able to deceive
how is fairness unfair?
how is change a pit of despair?
shame
claimed
eight and hours faint
to not be on paint
where is my heart now to be fooled?
where is my mind now to scream its soul?
where is my body now to regret those striped drools?
we swim in pools
our skies failed us with lies
don't convince me otherwise
maybe is not a maybe anymore just
for it to be a must
watching now I freeze
try to refuse try to not feel
betray myself
is a betray of herself
can't look in the eye all now
a scar would dig behind that frown
because memories from the inside
**** my pride
like some clown
hunt and drown

                                                               ­                      -------ravenfeels