‘the good news’, i tell God,
‘is that we’re dying.’
i look up at the dark, cloudy skies,
wondering if this is really my fate,
forcing you and everyone to see me in this god forsaken state.
‘we’re just as dead we will be in a few decades’,
by which i mean,
not yet dead,
but definitely working towards it.

God looks back at me, disappointment in their eyes.
they let out a sigh, as a wasted attempt of blowing me away,
then rolls their eyes all the way to the point where they should be able to see their own brain.

the taste of failure on my tongue,
           i failed you
                i failed you
                     i failed you
keeps echoing through my head,
i just want to go,
i just want to forget,

God gives me a look, almost upset, and then turns their back.


‘i’ll just blame it on cancer’
i say, as i light another cigarette.

Hello there, stranger.
Come for a little darkness, have you?
Trade me a cigarette,
and I'll dive into the depths of time
to conjure some horrors true,
Scars old and wounds anew

Smoking cigarettes,
like if they would take with every breath I take,
a bit of my pain away.
Very slow the flash hits me
and grabs my body to swirl it around my own kiwi smoothie eyes.
We all know
that the unknown
leaves a special taste on its tounge
on, on my body, in my mind.
the smoke keeps on whirling and i see small bits of your smokey eye
may it be allright?
But i keep forgetting
my resulution
to not let you become another habit

temper unreliable
as the midwest weather
nights spent talking to the trees certain
as the dirt on your father’s grave
and god is his dampened smile
when he tells you he doesn’t trim his eyebrows anymore
because you told him you liked them wild
how many enigmas can dance on the
end of your cigarette
before sunrise

While smoking I think,
how many blows will be needed to take my breath away
for once and for all

When smoke covers me up
I look around and try to disappear in it
for once and for all

I tap it and look at how it falls down
hitting the ground just as my life is doing right now

I step at it and tread into the pavement
I am putting it out
Just as my life has already done

When you get older
Plainer
Saner
Wil you remember
All the things
You lost on us
It hurts me
More than you'll ever know
Wish i could go back
To the days i was lost on you
Night full of stars
Adrenaline rushes
The bittersweet taste of your lips
A cold gust of wind outside
Cigarette smoke around our faces
Eyes light and glister
Wrapped up blankets
Two glasses of malt whiskey
A fire in the burning in the hearth
And in us
A comforting arm
A comforting smile
It was good
But perfect can never stay
They pushed me,
And you away
You came back
So please come in
And help me remember
When you were lost on me
If I let myself
Love you