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Ava Courtney Mar 2021
At 2:52 a.m as you dozed off to sleep, I hung up the phone.
That's when I realized what the meaning of happiness was,
I found a natural drug for all my pain and anxiety.
It's your voice, your smile.
I'm in love with your smile.
I'm in love with you and I haven't even touched your skin.
I've fallen in love with your soul. I’ve found the light I've been searching for.
How can I be in love with someone that I’ve never met in the flesh?  
You're trapped between pixels on a phone
Between the muffled words
Poor connections,
And long pauses.
You brought light to the darkest parts of me,
You make me feel safe from the things that hurt inside.
And I know we are both broken but you took my heart and placed it back together.  
At 2:52 a.m I thank the universe for bringing us together
Because the odds of us ever meeting were slim.
Now its 2:53 a.m. and I realized that I can never tell you this.
Ava Courtney May 2020
Our feelings were hidden within the foolish lies that lied between our lips.
Ava Courtney May 2020
I keep trying to erase the memories, the feeling, the sensations, because what we had was an illusion.
Ava Courtney Apr 2020
I miss it, I miss being unable to breathe while you devour me with your lips.
I miss the way you used to look at me; with a sense of wanting; lust.
I desperately miss the feeling you gave my body when you ever so gently caressed me with your hands.
I keep trying to erase the memories, the feeling, the sensations, for what we had was an illusion.
It was made to make us feel good, but it wasn’t real. Our feelings were hidden within the foolish lies that lied between our lips.
You left me addicted, begging for another taste.
I lust for you, unsure of my love for you.
I can’t look at you without feeling resentment. You walk past me and my heart skips a beat when you look at me. It sends shivers down my spine and the butterflies in my stomach escape from their cage.
It reminds me of the feeling I got when your lips were pressed against my neck and your hands firmly around my waist.
A moment of sheer ecstasy, a memory on replay in my mind, a moment that was over too soon.
What we did was wrong, but everything about it felt right, it made me feel invincible like the weight of the world suddenly vanish from my shoulders.
When we were together, lips pressed against each other, chest to chest. Our hearts beat as one.
All the anger, fear, regrets disappeared for a moment for three minutes, everything felt okay. From the very first time to the last.
For I cannot forget the first time, a moment I've been imagining for a while, no longer a fantasy.
I had tasted many lips before you, but it was only ones that tasted ever so sweet, only yours that turned my butterflies into fireworks, yours’ were the only ones that satisfied my craving.
You satisfied my craving once again, a moment I thought would never happen again. This time, brief, aggressive. You grabbed me by my waste and our lips touched once again, leaving me hungrier than the last.

Weeks passed as those two memories looped in my mind, leaving me wondering what we were becoming and if there ever was an end.
For it happened again, this one more special than the other, maybe it was the way you bit my lip, or maybe it was the way your hands were placed on my body. But it felt different, new, it felt like raging fire within my bones.
Once again weeks passed by and the fire slowly extinguished, leaving me wondering if I’ll ever feel that way again.
One. Last, Time. We shared that moment one last time. I didn’t know it then but that was the last time our lips would ever touch. This is the one that's causing the most pain, that's leaving the most wounds on my rugged heart.

I remember you walked towards me, our eyes locked on each other, saying things that we couldn’t express through words, feelings too strong to verbalize. My heart kept missing a beat, like it was the first time. You were standing in front of me and your eyes fell to the floor, you started talking nervously as you sweetly caressed the necklace hanging from my neck, you looked up and stared into my eyes with hunger.
you put your hand on my waist and pulled me closer, and my mind went blank, my mouth watered and left me with a craving for your lips. You pressed your lips against my glossy lips and the room fell away, everything disappeared except for you and me, I had never gotten so lost in a kiss, You kept pulling me in closer, Like I wasn’t close enough, It felt like an eternity, like there was no end. But then you stopped to whisper in my ear, you tell me that you had to go. I deny it and swiftly turn around.

You grabbed me by my belt loop and pulled me back. Your stomach against my back, you gently pulled my hair to the side and whispered serenity in my ear, I felt you breathing against my neck, kissing it ever so gently.
Our breaths became heavy while sinful thoughts ran through my innocent mind. You gave me a newfound feeling, a sensation that I never wanted to end. But I could taste the end on your lips, leaving my body aching.
It ended just as quickly as it started and you've left me with this pain and emptiness and I'm hungry for you. When you left for the last time, you took a piece of me with you. It was our last goodbye without a word being said, no explanation or reason.
You walked away.
Ava Courtney Sep 2019
If our heart is the strongest muscle
Then why does it break so easily?

The strongest ***** has open wounds.
It's dripping with pain.

Once again
It's broken and bruised.

Our acidic love is burning.
Through the flesh
Im screaming in pain

Every scar of the past
Is ripping with regret

There's poison in my veins.
The antidotes missing

My hearts beating the blame
And pumping out shame

The ache,
The pain,
The hurt,
Is just another
Toxic mistake
Ruthlessly destroying my heart
Ava Courtney Sep 2019
I miss the person I was in elementary school: the innocent, untampered little girl that I was.
The girl I was before the world snatched me from my innocence and poisoned my mind.  
I yearn for the girl who only cried because she skinned her knee or her tummy hurt.

I regret the person I was in middle school, not for who she was but for the person she was becoming, I bitterly regret allowing the world get to her, for it changed her; it altered her in tremendous ways.
She became dismantled, unrecognizable to the girl she was just a few years ago. She fell into the world’s hands, and the world destroyed her, it took her and impaled her with negativity and poison.
For that was just the beginning of the girl, she would become in high school.

You see that's the tragedy of growing up; you lose the things in life that truly made you happy, things you didn't have to compromise your happiness for.
When you grow up your trade the simplistic and the care-free life for a more brutal and agonizing one.
Waking up and having your whole body hurt, and your eyes red and puffy from crying all night, but once you walk into those glass doors it suddenly disappears -- almost like it never existed almost like you never felt those things at all.
But that's just the thing: it was all real and you still indeed feel that way, but you simply cover all that pain and all that emotion with a mask.
Because you know it is harder to show how you really feel than covering it.
And that mask keeps toying with your emotions and so then you are stuck between missing who you used to be and hating who you are now.
Ava Courtney May 2019
Please stay
I know i messed up
But i am only human
Im gonna ***** up
I'm gonna fall down
I made a mistake
And i might lose you because of it
I truly regret what I did
I tore us apart
While ruining the one thing that
Made me happy
The one thing that made me
Feel worth it
Baby, listen
The silence kills me
Come back
I need you
Lets try again
I need you
Your my other half
this one goes with the previous poem called "walk away"
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