i let my hair down for you
because that's how you like it
tousled in my face
imitating life's chaos
a chaos we cling to
because we don't know any different

still telling ourselves
that we crave stability
but we know how the story goes
seeking comfort
loathing change
forgetting that our comfort lies in pain

imposters we've become
pawns in our own game
having yet to learn
that bliss only follows
those who let go

enduring a new kind of angst
but only for a moment
then letting it pass
and living to adore it

Light has faded the night doth speak
It quietly whispers that I am weak

Chaos scratches at my door
Sent to confuse me all the more

I'm tired of fighting what I can't win
I fear I'm losing the battle within

Chaos scratches at my door
Sent to confuse me to the core

My thoughts are slowly killing me
I close my eyes yet still I see

Chaos scratches at my door
I'll sleep when I awake no more

we can be at the same places
at the same times
but no two people
will ever experience it the same
one mind sees chaos
another is at peace
one sees growth
another is dormant
which one sees clearly;
if either at all?
perhaps both only live in a cloud of obscurity
each guarded in their own way
too close to see actuality
& embroiling what is simple
nevertheless
they choose to walk away
at odds with themselves & the world as they see it

Not that I haven't said this before
But recently, I've felt the need to say it more
My emotions are running deep, like a river
That treads off course, and images are cutting me
Like paper cuts that make the insides of my skin
Sting of soreness

A fortress of imagination
Broken down in a moment's instant
I feel almighty, on top of a mountain's point
But like a pencil sharpened too loose
I break, falling off this high-rise
And feeling my moment lose its momentum
A totem that has stopped spinning
As I lose control into the waves
Of another current, down below

Its purpose?

To slow me down
But how would I know...?
I'm just another moment
That has turned upside down
With only places left to fall
And nowhere left to go.

You were chaotic
  Like the ocean's rage on a stormy night

You were also harmonic
  Like how birds synchronize in flight

You were silent
  Like how a butterfly would flap it's wings in air

You were deafening as well
  Like a how bomb would explode and shatter my ears

You were lonely
  Like how your anxiety creeps in when you're at a party

You were friendly
  Like how everyone looks at you brightly

You were everything I never would've asked

You were also everything I would've wanted

You were Mine
And I was Yours

You destroyed me,
  Like how you hugged my depression away

You built me,
  Like how your smile makes my day

You were what I had prayed for
And I'm thankful that I did.

There are days,
when she feels lost in the universe
that exists in her mind;
overthinking herself to oblivion.

There are days,
when she feels she is downing
in the depths of her thoughts.
Drowning in the sea of her emotions,
tears turning into high tides
destroying peace of mind.

Night bleeds into morning
Sun dissolves the moon

She wants to come out for a breath
and just breathe the light air.
Feel the lightness of it,
as it enters her lungs -  
the simplicity of it.

She is losing more of herself.

How do I explain to you the feeling of
inadequacy when someone loves or compliments?

How do I explain to you the fear of being a disappointment
or not having climbed up to someone's level of expectation?

How do I explain when without warning I am plagued
with self doubt, layered with chaotic-heavy-blues
and harboring insecurities?

How do I explain when I don't want
these thoughts to matter?
when I just want them to be deprived
of care that they die within,
and never surface to my skin.

But somehow like the crashing waves
they envelope me in the depths and like
the black hole **** me from within.