the rain used to be my favorite
the sky was crying with us
until I got swallowed up by it
my bones crushing with each trick
no seatbelt
thought I wasn’t going to live
I was ready to say goodbye to this world
but when the car finally stopped I was still alive
I started screaming why
I could smell blood and soil
I thought it was finally by time to say goodbye
police, ambulance, and a helicopter arrive
“mam have you been drinking or are you on any drugs”
glass in my hair
I felt like there was no air
it was getting hard to breathe
my whole body was broken
mostly my heart
they should’ve left me to die
- sorry about the car

Oh why, oh why do we all have to die?

Accident's and suicide is it really all that better on the other side?

Car crashes and burning buildings, now we are all dead;

Jumping from not so safe buildings and playing with not so toy guns;

Chalk outlines and splatters on the walls.

My oh my, what has happened to us all?

I see my death before I die with my very own eyes.

I'm just so done with watching my death a thousand different times on rewind.

And ever night I scream inside and in these dreams my skin is bleeding and my face is pale.

The water's flowing and sirens are going.

I'm hanging there with rope tied around my throat.

And in these dreams I replay a thousand times in my mind I always end up dying.

In reality I'm only sitting there crying.

A wish to come true after I'm through with high school because a pact was made to save my life,

But now I've been slowly dying.

I'm all crashed and burnt,

I took the wheels,

And I took the turn,

And I know that it's real.


You never moved,

Unshaken of the coming end.

We collided,

But you left unbroken.


Now I'm still here half dead,

But you moved to another car.


-HIY

When you love someone,
it isn't always pretty.
Sometimes it's two people, full
speed ahead and once the wreckage is left,
You can say "I loved this hard."
I still look at our wreckage and
think of all who were involved.
You think there were no casualties,
no victims but yourself.
I was a casualty and all the victims and bystanders
of my love for you
would call me crazy for picking at the shattered glass windows.
The car is totaled.
There is absolutely no chance of it running again,
and like a fool,
I think sitting in front of the wheel
is gonna make it run again.

Cars collide and I wake up,
Dressed in someone else’s skin,
I don’t know which way I was going,
I couldn’t tell you where I’d been.

We talked that night in broken pieces,
Or was it all inside my head?
You asked me if I was sorry,
And I asked if I was dead.

I walked along the empty hallways,
Lost in poison, fog and mist,
Desperate to find some meaning,
In memories that don’t exist.

You said I’d been trying so hard lately,
But sometimes this is how things go,
My mom told me to keep my guard up,
My dad called to say he told me so.

Now all alone in some apartment,
And still surrounded all the same,
Trying to find my sense of balance,
Or lose everything that I became.

I remember,
When the sun kissed the moon
On our first date.
We were shackled
By our romantic stares.

I remember when you stood
Down the aisle
Waiting for my warm embrace.

I remember when I cried
You consoled my breaking heart,

I remember the call
That told me you were not alright.

I remember you being taken
By the glowing angels
That wanted to be selfish.

I remember being blind by
Fury and alcohol

I remember being drunk
I remember the cliff
I remember the pain
I remember you meeting me
At the big white door.

i am the frostbite
spreading through the frozen fingers of your new lover's
hands, transferred body heat
burning the skin.
i am 3 am drinks in the
pouring rain, swerving onto
oncoming traffic.
i am the ship lost at sea of our love.
i am a broken bathroom mirror.
i am an unidentified purple bruise
on the neck of your ex-lover.
i am the fork in the toaster.
i am an untuned guitar in
a filthy venue.
calloused hands against soft skin.
slam the whiskey shot down on your neck. wash the blood off in the kitchen sink.
broken blinds forcing unwanted sunlight into your nightmares.
i am the definition of breakup ***, i am the
aftermath of self-hatred and one more go around.
**** just for the fun of it, just to ****.
pretend you are making love. pretend this matters.
i am late night emergency room
visits for rope-burned necks.
i am the car alarm blocking out your
one night stand's profound moans.
organize your bookshelf to spell out my name in the titles.
every song on the radio
will sound like goodbye.
i am the perfect time for a first kiss. swollen lips. swollen throats. inevitably calling your name on my deathbed.
i am under-the-bed-shoeboxes filled
with ripped photos that
still smell of his cologne.
i am one more dose of ambien
to get you through the night.
overdose on love, starve your lover.

stop.

rewind.

i am the first glance in a coffee shop.

play.