You know that feeling
When everything around you
Is just spinning,
Pounding,
Bringing total chaos?

But somehow you feel nothing at all.
Not scared about being shot at.
Not being scared that a car is about to hit you.
Not being scared that the freshman that you just shoved out of your way will come and hurt you.

You just stand there,
Watching the bullets fly at you.
Watching the headlights on the car come straight at you.
Walking away but turning around to make sure he isn't running after you.
Just waiting to see what will happen next.

That feeling you have when all that chaos is happening,
That my friend is called calm.

I dream of death by bullets
entering the jaws of strangers
exiting my own skull
my own mortality is fragile
in the hands of my instability
As I shoot, like fireworks, across
the blue sky and paint it red
is that my finality?

In a time where making ****** is entertainment
Icons of killers and repeated death giving faces.
Parents leaving kids alone with guns in the basement.
And when kids are in placement, we wonder what the **** happened to Sarah and David.
A gun does not make a medal of honor. When the same gun is used to **** Billy and Connor.
Saviors are portrayed within the bodies in graves. All the while the victim never gets saved.
And all it took was a unlawful ******* to give the kid a gun in the first place. Then they wonder why he caught a case. Masters of manipulation are more than we can tame with. And then that gun is small enough to hide in the width of a backpack. Guitar cases and duffel bags. All plotting the innocent attack of human beings caught by bullets in the back.  And then you got family’s who want to ask why the little kid deserved to die in his desk in his class.  Transforming ammo into trauma. Then you got politicians transforming ammunition into budget raises. And you didn’t know that the same people you praise are helping you give your life away.  And as he walks down that hallway with a AR. Just as you call him a monster think about all the people who contributed to his downfall. The people who abused him and made a call to give that fool an assault rifle. The things projected in his head had to come from somewhere. And I know most of you don’t even care. Just know how the victim feels about it being ‘fair’. I know what you’re thinking. It wasn’t me. Shut the **** up please. You are the reason they can’t breathe. Thoughts like that are the reason this keeps a tract record of continuous attacks. What if it was you. What would you do. You do not want to be in those shoes. So realize the impact of the media you contract and show your kids. Sins all start with a purpose. I just hope you heard this. Because no one deserves it.

Guns and money
bullets and power
running and hitting
chidren in the shower

All they want
Is whiskey and a mirror
To see their faces clearer
Steer clear
They'll say
For they want peace and adoration
Yet they're stuck in emulation

All they want
Is a mirror and a gun
For dark reflective fun
Curse the ashtray
They'll say
It ruins their laundry whites
To gaze on their delights

All they want
Is a gun and God
To walk where sinners trod
Drunken Bible bullets
They'll pray
For when the darkness takes its motion
They'll fall to their drunken notions

Roses, bullets, and a Bible
Guided my life
A shine for my light
My happiness was never trifle
My smile was bright
My heart was kind

   Roses, bullets, and a Bible
   Blind my light
   Pervert my sight
   Not prepared for Blue
   Not by a mile
   But lost, through and through
   Youth's too cruel
      
      Roses, bullets, and a Bible
      Broken shards
      Build my scars
      Happiness is only trifle
      But maybe I'm still good
      I hope I can still be good

I kept it in;
the words,
the pain,
the sea lapping against the **** walls
constantly urging to spill.

But I silenced the crashing waves,
muted my voice box
while it was hurting me.

I was internally raging and bleeding
but there were no bruises,
scars or lines for you to read.
Just a plastered smile on my face
while I was sulking internally.

I was choking on the words within me
Hoping my feelings would drown
Hoping that I would forget
But I never did.

They lived
ebbing and flowing through my veins
Making me feel Inhibited and limited
Till it broke open and rained down.

No one could see
Till the day tears started to roll down my cheeks
And that's when everything started
to come down as ashes
words and bullets.