The broken heart cries,
Alone...
But leaves visible scars.

Loving me will be your loss
for I am just a dreamer with hopeless thoughts
So don't be too naive to love
for I may not save you when you fall

'Place me to your skin,' Robert says
As I continue to contemplate.
'I'll give you the satisfaction
And the pleasure,
That he failed to give.'
My dear conscience begs me not to
While I asked her when I needed her, what did she do?
My heart silently weeps,
Tells me I will regret it.
Oh *******, what of it?
It's a little sting,
For an eternity of peace.
The devil of a mind that I have congratulates me.
Says that people like me deserve it,
People who are not good enough.
I am a disgrace honestly, it continues
Because if I can't be good enough for the people I love who choose to leave,
I'm not good enough for anybody at all,
Not even for my own ******* self.
I can't even prove to myself,
That further gives proof that I'm not good enough.
Gives validation
That I'm a waste of space, a failure
And an annoying piece of trash.
But I have to hide it though,
To keep what's remaining
So they don't slip away, you know.
I don't have the courage to end it all, sadly,
Til then, Robert will be my hidden company.

We met over video chat.
I thought you were pretty neat.
But then you stole my heart
And now it doesnt beat.

How dare you, with those ocean eyes
Hold my hand and take away my light
You made me feel so special
And now its always night.

I guess I'll be alone for ever.
Its what was destined.
You thought you were clever
I feel shunned.

There was a time when i believed in falling
for falling is the first step to trust
and trust, i have lacked for the last few years
because sheded tears caused my steel heart to rust
for a while i was convinced there was a spark
hidden under heaps of high expectations and hope
past the overthinking, right next to quaint smiles and glances, and hidden under the wish that we’d finally elope
but love isn’t built with empty promises
nor is it molded with the lovley, “if only”
because when you fall in love with the idea of someone
falling turns to broken, the broken can’t mend, and your back to being desperate and lonely
i wish being loved wasn’t so difficult
but if it was easier no one would dare to fall
because we’d rather be shattered from falling with faith
than stay safe with nothing at all

Ahem.  There truly is no excuse for me.


(sonnet #MMMMMMMDCCIX)


O for the silver foil winged cupids, frail
With arrows on the string, and shooting thence
At blood-red hearts!  Erst wont to trick out hence
My pages thus, I miss them now!  In pale
Excuse, where is the box of hearts t'avail
Our foolish dreams of romance? Ah, fr'intents
How I wish to lay candy hearts out, whence
I'll trade their speeches with you like's sweet bail.
These whitish racks which put the light as twere
Out til day is a fragile thing--I do
Not mind their surly cast.  No choclate to
Assuage fond, erm, desires, no.  I in poor
'Scuse yearn for childish candies wont to stir
My heart with dreams crashed every year now too.

14Feb19a

I have never seen a real autumn
But I imagine the leaves
Falling one by one
All crisply brown, not green
Just like my hopes and dreams
Even if I try, and tried I did
To pick them all up again
But more would fall slowly, but surely, down
And all my efforts were in vain

As I hold your hand, I can’t help but think
This hand had held another with the
same tenderness and care
Which I thought only we share

As I kiss your lips,
I can’t help but think
Had those lips kissed another
with the same passion and need
Which I thought only I could fulfilled

As I tried to hold you
Close to me, the way I used to
I can’t help but think
Someone else had held you the way I do
Two hearts beating as one
When that heart should have only been mine

So I pulled away
when all I ever wanted again
was to be close to you
so you could relief my pain
Now I have nothing to hold on to
except the pillow by my side
and the broken dreams
and the lost hopes
And so it seems

Autumn is gone
Winter has come
I am in a dark, cold place
Living in an empty space