standing at the fire wall
open I stand again and again
while my eyes are open while the soul
my sings while by myself i can i sing
while the gold pipe is waiting for me there

and where the lights in the restaurant are lit
and where the sea and love and kisses
everywhere and around and there where the bricks
not only stand but where they are still
and accomplish the greatest and daring flight

standing at the brick wall
I stand open and I live in thoughts
and think and think and contemplate everything
I think and I think when my watch will show
that's five already it's time to run

28.12.18

So what now love?
What is there left to do?
We’ve established that you love me and that I love you but look at us?
I believe that we both can see that there is no foreseeable we.
So what can we do?
Darling I may love you with every fiber every ounce of life in me but what is this for? All this effort scooping up my outpouring with a cup containing too many holes. My endless charade trying to salvage this lifeless hand that was never mine to hold.
Watch it all fall out.
Watch it all fall.

I feel like we’re on either side of a brick wall and all I have to dig to the other side are my nails. I’ll grind them down in my own futility, bleeding and blistered for an inkling of you.
I know I’m stuck. I know there’s no way.
So why do I try? I don’t want to lose either of you, but **** it’s going to happen.

You say to me.
You jokingly say that you need a girlfriend.
What a jab in the stomach.
You sunk that knife right into my chest and made me hold it as I wept.
Obviously you didn’t mean to but ****...

Of course I can’t get mad.
My platform to stand on is sinking sand and it’s swallowing me whole.
I have no right be upset.
I’m lucky I still have you.
But I know soon.
Soon my love I’ll be stumbling after you falling on the concrete, knees scraping as I try to reach for your hand.
But please.
Don’t turn back for me.
******* it what a ***** I’ve gotten myself into.

One day my darling.
One day.
You may say you love me baby but one day.
One day she will arrive. Like an angel on high becoming and fair. She will sing her siren’s song and entangle you in her yellow colored hair. She will sing a song just for you in a way I never could. Her smile will entice and entrance you and she will lead you away from me.

And I will remain.

I will sit, legs crossed and eyes blind with tears reaching for you with outstretched palm.
I will watch you recede to your watery grave with her because there I no way I could be selfish enough to pull you away and make you stay.
All I can do is beg the man with the numbers and spinning hands for a little bit longer with you. But he looks through me with apathetic eyes. Numb to my plight. He’s seen this all before darling and ,quite frankly, he is over it.

salt underfoot
I prevented and did not prevent me from going
and the moon around was water
when there is no water and no sea
then it's under my feet
bricks become water and salt

the light is on the streets
day and night quarters
the sea looks at me and I look at it
and get out the paper
I write again and immediately
I go to nimu and only to him

18.07.18

A thousand dreams woven
beneath the feet of hard working
                                         reflections.
But nothing ventured forth,
       like a corpse of bricked virtues
the land didn't give birth to life.

Only bricks of contemplation were
        built, and they were vacant
of any substance. For what is built
     had nothing to fill it only ideals.

For earth that shelter one,
       will endeavour to show no yield.
And only vacant ideals stand where
                   crops have faulted on brick..

Wall is high
Brick on brick
I build it thick
Let no one in
fear is sick