I still do not have words for you
and my silence in the restaurant
was not due to speechlessness
or too many thoughts
trying to force their way out

I have just run out of ways
to rephrase the sentences
I say to you
every time
we do this

It doesn't hurt any less
and I still haven't lost
my will to fight for you
but I have learned
when to save my breath with you
because I know there will be
another time
when you will take it away

Because getting away from the world for six hours is so amazing. You feel like no one exists and it's just you and the person whom you take with you.
Because the four mile hike up hill, is like the four thousand mile hike to the real life you dream of.
Because the top view is so breathtaking that you feel the air being ****** out of your lungs, but you don't need that oxygen. You just need the sight in front of you and for it to never leave.
Because pushing yourself to not stop in the middle of the hill and making it to the top shows that if you push yourself, you can go farther than you originally planned.
Because you don't need drugs and alcohol and *** to feel alive. You just need to let go of all the poison in your life and just breathe in something new.
Because the stories you make in your youth, will bring happiness to your future.
Because freedom comes when you aren't asking for it.
Freedom is at the top of the mountain. You just have to push yourself to keep going.

So tell me what you think of when your whole world collapses, leaves you brokenhearted and it leaves you worthless, breathless.

So tell me how you're coping. Keeping copacetic. When at first you walked on water, and now you're just submerged.

And if you fear your self destruction. Can I tell you I fear mine?

I am a cold winter breeze,
and a sharp pulsating heat at the same time.
I can make the tips of your toes applaud your existence,
Or make the ducts of your eyes wish
that they had never been placed upon your body.
I'm tired.
Tired of fading into the sheets you made me cry into.
So now i'm not going to sit around and be another
broken,shattered species.
I'm just going to be a fierce ocean.

I uncrossed my legs and leaned forward, my face becoming warmer from the heat of the bonfire. All of our friends were around us, talking and laughing voices lifting up into the sky with the bonfire smoke. I leaned back in my chair and crossed my legs, eyes still on the fire. I couldn’t look up, because I knew what I would see. You on your phone, either looking for the updates from the game or texting that new girl you’ve tried to keep secret (you can’t lie to a liar, honey). So I didn’t look up. I stared at the flames dancing along the logs, at the smoke lifting up, flirting with the sky. I didn’t look up. I couldn’t look up. I —
looked up. And found your brown eyes there to catch my blue ones, and found I could not catch my breath.