1
Welkin flirt with moon
love making celebrations
became an item

2
Breathing together
deep feelings for each other
match made in heaven

3
Looked at each other
blushed a glamorous woman
falling in first love

4
Pink lips allured me
maiden relationship grew
a love at first sight

I awoke in the night and felt your back against mine
Was this some sort of sign, some distance I couldn't explain?
Or was this a self-perceived storm in the making
constructed from nothing that was real?
The darkness took comfort in those nights we spent
back to back
Ticking, ticking, ticking-
Searching for an outlet, even forging one out of our lack
of subconscious physical attachment, trying to
create a wedge

The wedge served as an object that would separate
my vulnerability from reality
Creaking across my temples and finding solitude in
the destruction of everything I held dear,
you.

As time went on, naturally that wedge became an abyss
and every night I fell hundreds of feet over and-
over again- until my heart shrank into a thread.
The feeling of uncontrollable anxious behaviors
began to manifest in my chest
There it remained-
digging around to find its home, once more
In my adolescent insecure tendencies

Higher up I float
Drifting into nothingness
Calming with each breath

sometimes you speak,
                  and i lose the ability to breathe.

can't sleep and missing you,
                           tell me what else is new.

with death,
       love, life has depth.

i C you in my O - filled lungs,
                    alas, all i can do is breathe you out.

you are the smoke i long to lose,
                              but always hold close.

a game i'll never win,
                    painted in sins.

i'll stop smoking when you appear again,
                  promises made on what will never happen.

i see you in her eyes.
lies.
       lies.
              lies.

a discomfort
radiating
upwards from the
***** of my feet
up my calves and
through the muscles
i try to keep
from twitching.

some nights i could
wash my hands
twenty times
and still feel
sweaty and
hopeless.

i could give up
sometimes
i know where the
blind curves are
and the tallest trees
in the woods
and i know how
much it hurts
behind my spine and
inside my rib cage.

i can't
breathe
i can't
breathe

and maybe giving up
would hurt less than
trying to hold myself
steady and trying

and

and

thoughts keep getting
cut off in the middle

i can't
breathe
i can't
breathe

i've had dark
nights and
slightly lighter
nights and
quiet damp
nights and
buzzing summer
nights and
throbbing multicolored
nights and
nights so deathly silent
i questioned my own sanity

and some nights
where i wanted
to just
give up

nights
nights
all of them were
nights.

i can't
breathe
i can't
breathe

i would run away
from my problems
if there wasn't this
discomfort
in the ***** of my feet
radiating upwards

and also
if i could breathe

*but i
can't
*******
breathe

By Arcassin Burnham


I got no time for all your mess and all your bickering,
I know i messed up in the past it could be sickening,
the mistakes of letting go I can't forgive myself,
when it's bright at dawn I change the padlock to my
heart and dreams,

I got no time for all your mess and all your bickering,
I found love at the lake it smelled like Irish springs,
I just gotta say.... where were you when I needed help,
heads not on straight to the sound of the music and the
lighting of the solar beams.


/


Cute dress with a smile and a cup of coffee
Sitting on the dock of the bay,
Stand still woman , I'm trying to get your
Eyes right,
According to my artful bouquet,
I was...
Thinking about the days where we would make
A perfect day into nights,
Use to pray you would stay,
And I......
Would love the lipstick smell engraved all over my skin
With the joy of really seeing your face,

Pressure is pressure it will never change,
Don't know where you come , can't encourage pain,
Aiming for the base of your heart like a gun range,
Don't trade in moodswings just to have the strain.

You're not here, but I see you.
You're not here, but I feel you.
You're not here, but I breathe you.
I smell you in the spring flowers on the side of the road.
When walking down the street
I see you in my dreams,
H a u n t i n g me.
I need you, but you're not here.
I'm just hoping & wishing that you breathe me too.

The sun is shining,
The air is warm,
The breeze is cooling
Off the heat of the blood beneath my skin.

And I can feel
The biting sting
Of tears behind my eyes,
As a deli cashier berates me
For asking for a container.

I roll my eyes,
Move on and move forward,
I can't let me anxiety and that guys problems
Bring me down today.

Walking home in the heat,
From the store.
Spend an hour working on trail mix,
Cursing myself for making so little.
Cursing myself for not buying more of the ingredients.
Cursing myself for not making more money,
For not being better,
For upsetting anyone ever.
For being myself in certain aspects that I am me--

No.
Breathe.
Breathe right now.
In, out.
In, one two three.
Out, one two three.

I close my eyes,
Breathe in sharply,
Wash the dishes,
Make lunch,
Take my meds,
Clean up.

Check what I need to
Off my list,
Clench my fists,
Release the strain.

Muscles burn,
Tension in my shoulder,
Shake my head,
Use my hand in place of ice,
Wait for the burning twist to subside.

Guzzling Gatorade,
To drive away the headache,
Tears threaten to fall,
Ignore them,
Ignore the lump in my throat,
It doesn't matter.
Stop doubting yourself.
You didn't do anything.
No one did anything.
It's been a stressful few days.
You've been isolating yourself.
Stop doubting yourself.
Demand that you treat yourself better.
Ignore it ignore it ignore
The lump in your throat
The stinging behind your eyes
The pressure on your chest.
Ignore it.

They cannot hurt you now.
The dreams cannot get to you when you're awake.
Ignore it. It's over.
Do not doubt yourself.
You are loved you are loved you are loved.

Look at the sky,
Remember something good,
Something real,
Something honest.
All you can think about is flying,
And how refreshing it is.
How scared are you?
Fear is pooling in the pit of your stomach,
Like a puddle of murky water.
Something's wrong and maybe it's that you're thinking too much,
But it's too much and it won't stop but it has to.
You have to make it stop, right now.
Breathe!

The warmth of the sun
Is like the warmth of my Bluebird's smile,
But there's something eating away at my insides,
And the sun can't help.

Man, sure, rain *****.
But boy, does sunshine bite.

When all I wanna do is see you,
It takes strength to cage that feeling,
When all I wanna do is kiss you,
But need to give you space for breathing,
When all I wanna do is touch you,
I cannot stop my heart from bleeding,
When all I wanna do is love you,
But still unsure of its true meaning.