It's funny when you go numb

You don't feel anymore.

You've been hurt so much in your life that everything goes away.

Not just your emotions, but your passion.

What you once cared about in life.

Whether it be writing singing drawing.... It's gone.

You eventually get to a point in life where you could watch somebody die right in front of your eyes, and not feel a thing.

Somebody could be going through the hardest time in their life and you would feel nothing.

When you get this numb, it's like an addiction...a way out.

A way of not dealing, the easiest way to say **** it.

Even in this numb state of mind you want to feel.

Humans aren't meant to be numb. We are meant to understand, we are meant to feel...

So now you're stuck fighting this numbness.

Driving yourself mad.

Your mind constantly fighting, but you give up... because now there is no way out....

So it seems.

i have half-moon circles
That sink my eyes into my skin
they reflect what's happening within

my skin folds up like a paper crane
trying to make space
for the stifling thoughts in my brain

it's never enough to stop
the spilling over because
a drop always sneaks out
leaks out onto the blacktop
let out a meaningless shout.
It makes me doubt
Want for a better, stronger mouth
to control what words come about.

Pondering existence itself:
mere deadweight for "success"
this narrative of the times
must be upheld as sacred
absolute!

The religion of modernity is that
of willful blindness taken
as a virtue

Benign
harmless
or so we are led to believe:

that it is the mark of a healthy man
to never use his brain!

Brain: You should **** yourself.
Me: No. You should go to sleep.
Brain: Living is pointless.
Me. No. Dying is pointless.
Brain: Here comes diabetes.
Me. No. Here comes a nice taste.
Brain: You look strange.
Me. No. You look like a person.
Brain: Your voice is stupid.
Me. No. Your voice is communicating for you.

i am tethered to my sickness—
brain worms and implacable affinity
soil and blood like strings on
careful fingers, knitting precariously
the loose ends, every alteration
another implication, pull hard enough
and i am tightly bound to peril
deeply fused into your liquid mercury
insensate though that may be
unliberated; as my mind is a metal can
rust and decay so effervescent
an empty clanking of unlinked adages
circulating alluvial expectations
throughout all of my weeping nerves
and stillness, if i were still able
pain could only wake me for so long
before attachment becomes a
blunted weapon, and your infection, my
bereaved maladaptive paradise.

buff blossoms bringing
bright bubbling blissful blessings -
benign brain bewitched

Dear Diary,

It had been a long span since we met

Heal my Heart while taking its pain.
Draw with anger and paint the drain
A deep breath A dye to stroke blue again
Dear Diary you are a pain reliever
to my Hurt Heart and Boiling Brain

Inking Veins