the steel blue of your eyes fixated on me
like my presence was a gift in itself
the calloused tips of your fingers
grazing over my skin and pulling me close
you held me like nothing else mattered
as if time itself had stopped and given us this moment

the good morning messages and the evening calls
we fell asleep together even when we weren't
your subtle snores down the phone
replacing the heartbeat i'd hear resting on your chest
but sometimes we'd stay up until the sun broke through our windows
not regretting a moment of lost sleep

the walks along the common no matter the weather
to that place by the playground where we'd lie and spot planes
and you'd laugh and say it wasn't a competition
but we both knew that was only because you were losing
the same grass upon which you took the picture of a flower in my hand
it's wearing away but you still keep it in your wallet

your dogs jumping up and greeting me at the door
and your mother's smile when she sees me enter
us playing football with your brother in the garden
and laughing over slow motion replays of goals scored
i felt so at home in your home
as if your family was mine, like there was a special place for me

now i'm left wondering what to do
how am i meant to fill this enormous void
of the life that we had molded together
you had become a part of me
and i don't know how to separate it and become whole on my own

i miss the bare minimum that you gave me
i waited on every text
relished every call
and every time our eyes met i fell in love all over again
i was completely and utterly devoted to you
to loving you
to making sure you felt loved

but now i don't even have the cradle of your voice
or how held i felt when we locked eyes
and the warmth of your embrace

you've left me cold and unsheltered

but i would still give you the shirt off my back
if i noticed your shiver
and i still answer every text
every call
because even though i'm not what you want
you're still everything

i don't want you to meet me halfway,
i want us to soar together
above everyone and everything
dancing amongst the clouds
and singing with the sun

but you can't even text me back.

"i'll see you soon
by the next full moon
it won't be long, just wait."

the next moon came
nothing had changed
it wasn't written in our fate.

"wish you were here
so i could hold you near
and talk and laugh all day."

it wasn't to be
so i'd wait patiently
there were rules we had to obey

four months have gone by
every day i have cried
just sad and feeling alone.

"i miss you too much
i so crave your touch
i'd rather be there than at home."

just come and meet me
we'll do it discreetly
we don't have to tell anyone.

"now i just miss you more
and it's left my heart sore
and wondering, what have we done?"

I'm not going to sleep
because so far talking to you has been the best part of my day
and if i sleep now
tomorrow will be here quicker.

i give more than i receive
and i wonder if i deserve more.
but if meeting half way,
and giving less than i feel,
is how to gain equality in our love,
i don't want it.

i can't pretend there's no pit in my stomach
or tug on my heart
or smile on my face
whenever i see you.

no matter what i do,
i can't make your fire burn brighter,
harder
and hotter
for me.

so am i naive to stay
for the affection i receive
when it takes more than it gives?
or is that just love:
it's imperfect.
and i choose it,
him,
us,
every day.

i wonder what version of me lives in your mind
tell me what i look like through your eyes