I am not in contact with my emotions
they're distant to me and far away
it's been centuries since we've met again
ever since the night I let them be torn away

I found out early that love holds you back
so I cut off all association
And now my faux emotions sparkle
without any questioning

Because everyone only sees my smile
And it's not a cry out for help
But instead, all that I sprout it for
Is to display my independent self

So there's no reason for me to have anyone
Because I couldn't hold commitment.
I can watch from afar easily
As I decimate the shipments
Because my heart yearns to travel to my mind
and I painstakingly won't let it
I did this one to myself and now I am secluded

The words mean nothing
As I try to fill my writing full of emotion
And nothing can lift me up
Let alone drag me down
There is nothing I can do
To describe the meaningless words
But write down some more
Nothing has any meaning
Not a single word

It hurts me to say
To bring myself to this grim truth
But it hurts me to be here sitting next to you
My meaningless words
Are not just on paper
But the garbled speech coming out of my mouth
And I couldn't say anything to you
Nothing at all
But I was hoping to say just one thing
I'm sorry for my meaningless words
I'm sorry for everything I've done
I wish that I never done anything at all

the days I feel
my brain is blocked,
I take a step back
go for a walk.
no phone needed
through the neighborhood.
searching for peace
a quiet state of mind,
finding ways
to leave it behind.

Blocked.
Blocking the hope of a text message.
A chance to even get in my head more.
Closed.
Closing the sheets in my room so I don’t get a  glimpse of you.
Down.
Keeping my head down as I walk into the room.
So that my eyes don’t “ironically” find you.
Cold.
The chills I get when I walk past you.
Lies.
The foundation of our “relationship”.

You are trying so hard
To get in my bubble
Planning dates with someone so unstable

Don't you get it?
Don't you see?
You are only a friend
Only a friend to me.

You won't give up
You won't go away
Blocked on all my social medias
But still you find a way to contact me

Don't you get it?
Don't you see?
You will never, ever be with me.

Still there you are promising again.
That this will work out.
You are a "gentleman."

DON'T YOU GET IT?
DON'T YOU SEE?
You have been friend-zoned, baby.

Stopped responding
I let it go
Hoping that someday
You would come wandering

Nothing in my favour
Things moved on
Confiding in the future  
It was gone

Glimpses of you
Made me believe
That there still was a chance
I guess I was wrong

You made a statement
Yet defriending does not remove
I still exist
In both memory and you

Left to my own thoughts
What did I do wrong
Was it me
Or has someone else come along?