Today you were waiting for Serendipity
out on the corner of some street
which shall remain nameless hereon
because it doesn’t matter.
that’s not the point.

the point is, you waited there
all day.

the point is
at dusk you called me
to ask
if I’d roll by
to make it happen.

but

I am not Serendipity
that woman you so longed for,
with breezy golden hair
and charmed green eyes and
her arms dangling gracefully
with no thought given
and no ***** wasted.

I am not Serendipity
with her good fortune
and sunny days.

I am not Serendipity.

I am a planned vacation
with a hiking backpack
full of good intentions
and good will
and good humour

and when it rains
(and it will rain)
let’s go out and dance
and call this our fortune.

I smiled,
All the while,
It was as false
As a dice.

The came my laughter,
It was bitter,
Uncontrollable  tears fell thereafter.

On the floor I sagged,
Within me a volcano raged,
Me,I, myself  ditched!!
When many I had dumped.

All  the wedding plans had been made,
All the time I was misled,
Not me, my best friend he wanted.

Suicide? Not my kind,
******? Was on my mind.

Then I realised,
The magma in me subsided,
With despair I smirked,
My eyebrows quirked,
Many I had jilted,
They must have been brokenhearted,
You reap what you sow,
In time, may be,I will find the right beau.

In the meantime I will rest,
Hot scented baths,soft music,
delicious food, the best.
Perhaps, a move to the countryside,
With family and old friends by my side.

I have tasted how bitter the world could be,
and how sometimes you'd find clarity
at the bottom of a bottle.

I know that blood pretty much tastes like rust
and that instant sleep can come from a pill,
leaving a sickening aftertaste.

I know how liquor burns your throat
and how it fast forwards everything
while you're stuck in slow motion.

I know how tears
aren't that different from seawater—
you'd drown in either, one way or another.

I've become numb enough
to tolerate fire and venom,
numb enough to say
that the world tastes bland.

My appetite for life
continues to deteriorate.

I no longer want to taste
the world in all its flavors,
I no longer want experiences
served on silver platters.

No matter the presentation,
Nothing ever seems worth savoring anymore.

Black paint allowed to sit and separate into
oily, bleary, sticky, sick gray.

Spring flowers planted a week too early
wilted yellow under the last snow.

Pristine term paper fresh off the printer, carried through the rain
bleeding blood sweat and tear ink into obscurity.

(That was ten cents per page, you know.)

never again,
not today,
will I ever let you stay.

I’ve caught the pattern,
I see the signs.
and I know it deep inside my mind.

I will not be your tool,
for you to use,
for you to bruise.

Not today,
never tomorrow.
Suffer alone through the sorrow.

I was fire, you were ice
You said you'd never crack

I'd like to think you did
Under the flames o' mine

We thought we'd reached equilibrium
Until things got uncomfortable

Fiery as I, bitter as you
We summon blows

I am fire, you are ice
People say opposites attract

We thought the same
Yet we never saw each other again

Choose another bitter morning routine -
whether from cold, coffee, or compression,
As in "man, I really need to just relax and decompress"
But without the last bit happening.
Choose to let it sink in until you can bite it off,
Choose the pressure because it feels like home,
Choose to dally, choose self-sabotage,
Choose kicking at the gears of your routine until
Something warps under the strain until
It fits like you never believed it would.
Choose the long way into work, a million faces
Nodding off behind their steering wheels,
The city's symphony still trying to get in tune,
Still trying to harmonize with, with, with, with
Whatever gets them to their job still sane, all
Trying to dance to beats only they can hear,
Howling out careworn verses they scrawled
By trailing their lives along the road:
The rhythm of the city is discord and hell.

You know it. I drop BOMBS like a B-52,
Drop psalms like a Bible off the back of the pew,
Stay calm, like the '80s stay trippin' on 'ludes,
Like the 90s stay trippin' bringin' me here to you.

That's how I do it, you know I keep it fluid,
I flow so smooth, all my verbiage is fluent,
No verse hits late, no syllables truant,
Got my angles all lined up, spitting congruence -

And I bet you didn't ask about my transcript, fam,
And I know you judged a book by its cover, ****,
And I bet you didn't think I'd call you out right here,
Start addressing with respect as though we're peers, no fear,
But here it is. Some folks stay out at night to reach for stars,
I go home to dodge the fools askin' me to drop bars.