I am standing on a staircase, on the seventeenth step,
but the eighteenth onwards has no bannister,
up until now, I've had a safety net,
something to lean on when
the steps aren't lit properly.

'Now', I tell myself,
'I've seen people who have fallen
and manage to grip to the edge
and pull up...towards the next'.
'But I've seen people fall
and never get up'.

I say;
'Am I another statistic?
Am I another failure?
Am I another mangled corpse for the cleaners?
Or...
Am I going to lift my leg and take that step?
Am I to ignore the thoughts?
Am I stronger than I let myself think?'

I lift my leg.

Upwards and onwards, I guess.

You gave your baby life,
so, tell me this;
why would you want to take it away
over something as simple
as love?

We live in a straight world.
You might not think it’s true,
“Gays are coming out everyday
could be them next or her,
maybe you too”
Well I’ll take a minute to prove it to you.

If I told you I’m into girls
I’d see your brain short circuit in real time,
“But you don’t look gay” you’d say.
“Straight passing” is what they call
a girl like me, who still looks feminine
but doesn’t want the D.

This “luxury” of remaining in the closet
is really hurting my game,
Added another straight boy
to my list of those who lost it
when they heard me exclaim,
“I appreciate the offer, but I’m gay”

Let’s not forget the most important issue
“Gays will ruin the sanctity of marriage”
Here, I’ll hand you the tissues.
Man and woman, hand in hand, till death do they part,
and yet more than half of all marriages
end in the perfected art of divorce.

Far be it from me,
to take anyone’s right
to do and say what they want,
while you embrace the hate
and live fighting the inevitable reality
of any queer couple tying the knot.

It might be 2018,
but I still can’t hold a potential partner’s hand
in a public facility
without getting disgusted leers
and a dreadful look at multiple cases
of unprovoked hostility.

So, try to look me in the eyes,
And tell me I’m not right.
But despite it all
I’ll keep my head up high
And let that rainbow flag fly
Because this might be a straight world,

But love is love

is love

is love.



And that concludes this winded verse.

What's the hardest thing about being bi?
Secretly falling in love with your girl best friends.
And she's straight.
And other is a lesbian.
And you hide your feelings, so you don't ruin the friendship.
And stay friends just to keep them in your life.
Two years ago I fell for one best friend (girl)
The next year(last year) I fell for the other.
One is a lesbian.
The other is straight.
And neither of them like me that way.
I talk to them everyday and they still don't know.
And most likely never will.

Do you still look for me in your new girlfriends? Do you still seek my eyes in theirs? Do you still feel my lips when you kiss her and hear my voice when they speak? Did you cut your hair because I loved it so much? Do you still celebrate Tuesday as “*** Night”? Do you still look for me, when you ask them out?

Do you still blame your father for our demise? Do you still think your hands are capable to do as he did? Did you marry her and divorce her because you were afraid of yourself? Do you still talk about our first time? And do you in a negative or a positive light? Are you changing yourself because you think you’ll finally be happy? Or because you won’t look so much like him anymore.... Do you miss me at all?

Do you still feel hate and heartbreak when you hear my name? Do you hear my name when our birthday comes around? Do you take your clothes off because I made you feel *****? Do you still collect lovers and partners like the hundreds of beads you make your jewelry with? Do you still fill your body with healthy choices but unhealthy people?

Do you wish we never happened? Do you miss your bruises because your mother is now dead? Do you hate me for wishing you were free of her when she was still alive? Do you still eat sushi and think of me? Do you still listen to the playlist I made you? Do you still cry that you lost your best friend because of me? Do you wish we had fought our feelings and that you would still be hers? Do you still have the letters that I wrote you? The poems? The drawings? Do you still have that power ranger blanket? Or did you destroy that with the rest of my memories?

Are you happy now?

“I won’t have ***** living in my house”
As if that’s all you’ve said to offend me
Unlucky for you I have a great memory
I have a mental transcript of everything you’ve said to me
17 years of tyranny
Where do I begin?
All the way back to kindergarten
The special ed teacher said she thinks I have dyslexia
You said it’s an excuse for being stupid
That was the first crime of many
You’ve called me worthless, ugly, and unwanted plenty
But actions speak louder than words
You’ve thrown your empty bottles of gloom across the living room
Crime after crime I’ve cleaned it up everytime
3 kids and I’m the only one, whose been “lucky” enough seen your gun
In april of twenty fourteen you burnt my brothers funeral card
Your fist has never hit me quite that hard

My body is a canvas you painted black and blue
Step back at look at your masterpiece, in her rubber-banded shoes
Every day I become more and more like you
If I ever have a daughter dear lord is she *******

Who gives a **** if I’m relatively gay
17 years you’ve lived with me everyday
Also, why ***** plural?
Am I gonna start an army or some ****?
Am I contagious?
I am plenty religious
I could count your sins
You say it hurts your shins to kneel at church so you keep sitting
And ******* on the person that I am
Making him perform this scam
At family parties pretending to be mine
Because my love is a crime
Are you out of your mind?

Its fine, I’m not going to cut my hair
This cross belongs around my neck
You need a reality check
Its 2018!
I am allowed to be seen without a man holding my hand
And protecting me from offensive words
This is defence served 110 pounds
I fell asleep to the sound of a car backfire
‘Call the therapist, this is dire’
Jesus, Mary, do everything you can
There’s a chance she wont be marrying a man
When life doesn’t go as planned just do more drugs
Hit and yell I’ll put in earplugs
But I’m going to push and I’m going to shove
Until you let me fall in love

That word brings me back
to crouching behind my grandma’s couch
listening to my uncle yell at my cousin
that she couldn’t go to her friend’s uncles’ house
just because there were two of them
And I remember realizing
that my family might hurt me
if I ever came out to them

That word brings me back
to 2 am in bed
tears in my eyes
trying to convince myself
that my feelings were real
and hoping that they weren’t

That word brings me back
to walking through the hallway
and listening to other teens
spew hate and slurs
not knowing how much it hurt

That word brings me back
to sitting in a church I had never been in
listening to the pastor preach and yell
about how God hated
and I felt all my future plans of coming out
go down the drain

That word brings me back
to reading hundreds of news stories
about how people like me were killed
just because they were different
and wanted to love and exist
in a way that was different

That word brings me back
to hiding books I wanted to buy
from my parents view
just because the characters
were LGBTQ

That word brings me back
to so many different places
and all that they have in common
is that they cause me pain
so I’m sorry that I don’t think
that slurs can be reclaimed
especially when you still use it
in a derogatory way