Forgiveness
was never my forte.
I never try to forget,
nor would I want to.
Is this why it is
so hard for me
to forgive?

you thought it wouldn’t hurt anymore
it wasn’t supposed to
when they took advantage of you again
or stabbed you in the back
but no matter how many times you built up your wall
it was never thick enough to stop the knife

-Esther Krenzin

She was there when "her" fiancé left her in the middle of the night a week to their wedding.

She was there when "he" came knocking on her door in the dread of the night seeking solace and a place to lay his burden.

She was there when "she" came seeking for help and a shoulder to lean on.

She was there when he needed someone to listen to his bitter tales and offer comfort.

She was there when their world came crashing down, she built a better place for them.

But when she needed them to do the same for her, they weren't there.

ankles held firm
his shoulders lurch

branches loom ahead
I duck in ashen forests

'Do all Uncle says,'
Mother spat again

face is stinging
air's thinning

I'm milk-bag
sleepy

he yanks
me higher

~~~~

'Here we are
my sweet!'

the stiff door
creaks slowly

his treacle tone
mocks the dust

dead moths stir
in alarm

~~~~

I'm flung
down

mat's
hard

he's
in me

I die

again

they all do it

~~~~

I disappear to
holes in the wall

they watch in silence
and let me stay on

cold-blooded fire
burns red

do I live
numb

I pray

~~~~

staring out the
window I see

sifted icing
sugar peaks

my Mountain
smiles strong

sparkling clean
in warming sun

Whoever made it
is my Friend

a gift

for life

~~~~

it's my
birthday

I'm two

~~~~~~~

#child #innocence #destroyed #alone #mountain #clean #strong

Him.
There was something about him that was difficult to put down into words,
She didnt know when she fell for him,
Was it at 5am in the gym,
Or was it during one of those sunrises they stayed up to watch together,
Was it along those miles they walked by the sea on that Sunday morning as he showed her all his dreams,
Or maybe it was when he held her every time she cried.

Oh no, he was nothing like the man she had dreamt of but slowly all those expectations had changed,
He was so imperfectly perfect,
That she fell for him,
But then all things that fall....break
Dont they?
So did she.

an ancient lyric, come to haunt,
no longer a shield, now thinner,
of gossamer consistency,
a tissue-thin papyrus,
“my poetry to protect me”

the poem words always were
a clarinet reed, capable of singing,
a highest pitch voice for turning
blades of clean steel clean away,
now blunting paper bunting, penetrated.

re-formed my shield, re-purposed,
into a stabbing instrument offensive,
my poetry pricking tearings in my worn
thin fabric tapestry, woven from linen
excuses of why I can’t, why couldn’t I.

this is life. moats becoming drowning
pools, castle walls reversed to entrapments,
wrecking machines, boulders hurling,
medieval defenseless against modern rhymes
giving away to free verse horde onslaught.

too late to apologize to myself, alas, my words,
my protectorate, island redoubt, now ruined
by doubts treachery breech birthed from within,
these verses hollow point bullets engineered,
Caesar’s words clarified, you, et tu, are Brutus
too, two, for the price of one, betrayer and betrayed.

When the glass runs empty,
When the bottle falls
And drops of life all are that's left,
The emptiness I consume
Betrays the man we best forget.

When all that pours is nothingness,
When the end is all that calls
And drinks the days I now forget,
The darkness I will choose
Hides this man and his regrets.

TS Lefort 2020