After all of this,
I want you to promise,
Please don't leave me,
And I want you to be honest.

I caught you many times,
Over and over,
Just don't leave me,
As failure comes closer.

I heard you say "yes",
It echoed in my mind,
As I turn around again,
It looks like you lied.

I was afraid long ago,
That the truth would die with me.
I lived a lie that betrayed
Every soul I could see.
The devil would disguise as my angel,
My angel would appear much like Satan;
Only my muse could help my decipher,
The root of mine and your creation.

Woke up early this morning
To discover you weren’t lying beside me
Ran to the kitchen hoping to find you
Ready with pancakes, pouring my coffee
But it’s empty.

I’ve spent a lot of time warring with myself
To make a change, leave you behind
Start new because you’re always late
And I’ve noticed your eyes wander
I’m feeling betrayed,
Wondering, “Shouldn’t they be on me?”

I used to be able to read your mind
Now there’s only vacant stares
Fake smiles exchanged across the room
Arrogant laughter tickling my ears
I’m feeling insecure
Wondering, “Is this a phase?”

I see the way you look at them
The warmth in your eyes
Used to be directed at me
Instead, I receive shallow waves of insincerity

I’m looking down from the edge of no-turning-back
I tipped over the hourglass  
I can feel each grain passing through the pinched center
I can see time running out
For you and I

Woke up early this morning
You weren’t lying beside me
Walked to the kitchen knowing I wouldn’t find you
Readied the pancakes, poured my coffee
Feeling content
I’m ready for the conquest

You were
the last
person I thought
would leave...

But you've closed
the door behind
you.

And I'm left holding the key.

(-DF-07/31/16-)

They'll buzz like bees 'round your heart
Telling the reapers when they'll start
Lie to you and themselves as well
And then you're left alone
Clean your head, once or twice
Shave a head that's full of lice
Trust a corpse with your soul
And then you're left alone
Smile to all and say it's fun
Play with people, smirk and run
Tell yourself that you have friends
And then you're all alone
All is gone, peers and wealth
And soon enough so will your health
Don't live in the lie that someone cares
Because you're all alone
Whatever they say, people hide
We accept the lie that they're on our side
But you shall learn when time will come
That you've always been alone

I'm all torn,

With no more reason to go on,

I've just lost,

All the will to survive,

Since you've walk away,

Out of my life,

This is too much.


You've sworn,

That you'd never be gone,

You've crossed,

All the trust that I have,

I couldn't see a day,

In my life,

Without your touch.


Just wait where you stand,

Don't you wanna see what I've planned?


-HIY

I have no one to talk to.
I have no one who knows.
I don't feel sorry for myself, but I need strength.
I fear the future,  because of the past.
And I embrace the future, because I know it brings this moment to the past.
What a disgusting person I must be, because broken never looked good on anyone and pathetic is how it reads on me.
So stupid to have not realized I was in a game.
I was caught off guard and its not about losing...
Just the fact that I didn't want to play.
It's amazing the things I didn't see.
It's ridiculous, what I thought I saw.
Now there's a path before me.
I need only to prepare for the trip.
With a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes I need to accept that this is good bye.
Friendship is forever in some ways, but lies taint it and sometimes there's nothing to save.
All this time, I've been alone.
I don't understand what makes it so hard to make it final.
Me being me and you being you is what I thought made us, us...
But I guess to much of anything is way to much.
And our special friendship was fun when I thought it was real.
I feel hate in my heart, but the sadness consumes it.
And my heart stings.
It's the only way that I know this is real.
I dare not be bitter.
I dare not be conquered.
But nauseous and shatterd is what I can't deny.
So I'll talk to myself not knowing if it will do any good.
Myself is all I have at the end so I might as well get used to it.
I wonder what kind of friend I'll make myself...
Will I be honest like the real me or will I try to convince myself that this is nothing?
I can already see that I'm the greatest friend a person can have, always honest, always there...
But this great friend thing...
I don't think it applies to me.

You have time to change your profile picture, but not to read my messages... You find time to be with them and do this and that, but where am I at in the picture? Could you even point me out? You've spoken love to me as if it were something that could be, something that could eventually... but when? When will I become a priority? And why is it that the thought of you more and more often just makes me want to cry? I'm tired of hiding, tired of this mirage, it's been a facade all along hasn't it?! Cause this is how you get attention. This is how, you've always gotten along, to obtain what you wanted. Yet, If I'm to confront you over the situation, and how you make me feel, then I'm the one in the wrong. *******, I'm so done. If anyone deserves to bring this energy out of me, they could at least bear witness to the spectacle... lest the show be all for naught and I'm left rotting inside, like the fermented fruit on the ground. There's nothing worse than being ignored. To be gored by your words would be preferable to the silent cold I've been enduring since you decided I wasn't ******* worth it. Well I know my worth God ******* ******, and I won't sell for less than the time it takes to change your god forsaken profile picture.