when will it be over
this arbitrary struggle
and longing to belong
still to distinguish
oneself from the rubble
of a crumbling world?

putting out a half-smoked cigarette
think to cut the cord
curling up in blue sheets
think to make it stop

a love was torn from me
merciless nonchalance

i am that rock
falling still identical
the rubble of a crumbling world

At what point does a
Need to remember
incense a
Need to forget?

Perhaps in fact an acceptance
of
Not so common sense.

HOW
do you convince a man that you do not
like him?

how do you transfer in
                                        words,
the feeling of bile stinging your throat
as you choke on words that should've
never
have needed to
be said

WHY
doesn't he listen the first time?
                                                      when
you spit on your hands, and pray to a god
that you don't know, forgive me,
but don't forget me,
p l e a s e... i
just want
to go home,
                       even though
he has taken your bed, your thoughts,
and
      your
             sleep,

WHEN
did our belonging become
less than
his success, my organs are
                                               not
a playground, and his skin is not your
rug-- let us go,
well say once more,

we really just don't like you.

stranded on a deserted island
in a sea of people
no way to escape the grasp of reality
not even within my mind

never knowing if the sea is constantly watching me
or oblivious to my every move

I know I'm constantly watching it
wanting to be immersed in belonging
but not sure how
I'm still an outcast

maybe, just maybe, there are other islanders
dispersed throughout this vast ocean
but I may never know
since I can't leave my place alive
left only with a sliver of hope
that once day two islands can come together
and live harmoniously

My hands shake.
My voice breaks.
Sweat beginning to run down my head.
Starting to wish i was dead.
Talking to you is the scariest yet best thing.
But it exposes my doubts.
What if I'm not good enough?
What if she hates me?
We are friends right?
She's just been different lately.
I'm sorry I get this way.
It happens almost every day.
It's mostly because of anxiety.