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Austen girl Jul 2021
I love the smell of that oil
the one I rub in your hair
the one that clings to my hands
and to my skin
slowly seeping in
I can almost hear it.....
nestle in my molecules
becoming you.

I love the sound of that door
the one that scrapes
on the hardwood floor
the one that announces me
and lets me in
I can almost see it
lodging in my brain.
becoming you.

I love the taste of that lavender
the one that we killed...
the one that clung to your breath
and to your fingertips
I can almost smell it
settle in my bones...
becoming you.
Austen girl Oct 2020
Doesn't seem to matter
Where this road leads
we believe in angels
But With shadows, we plead
To flip the switch
Turn off the guilt.

Our feet smell of beer
our hair of cigarettes
They don't judge us
we judge ourselves
For treading the beaten path
And even the sky fills with ash
Blocking out the angels
we thought we were

Somewhere in there
Through lashes that imprison light,
I painted scars, Where skin never broke.
It was a stifling work of empty
I wanted to breathe nothing less,
nothing else.

not to take away the pain,
if I do not hate the rain,
then what do I have?

I develop
an aversion To being alone
A penchant for tinted glass
an affinity to poetry

I say "I'm finding yourself"
But I'm really running away
From the things, I let go
But they never went far.

not to let go of the pain,
if I do not hate the rain,
then what do I have?
Austen girl Aug 2019
Have you ever felt that?
When you intend to blink
But your eyes stay closed
Longer and longer
Walking blindly
In familiar halls
the walls seem
Much much closer
While your thoughts
Loom larger larger
The air that you breathe
So you stay awake
Not to stir
The beast that sleeps
That plays on a loop
On eyelids shut
You crave distraction
Brief escapes
That keep you from falling
from scratching
The skin off your bones
The longer you blink
The longer you see
Austen girl Aug 2019
I think he loves me
Maybe only a little
Maybe the way
I stopped loving him

I think he loves me
Like a moon
Shrouded in mist
Like the air
Before it rains

I feel guilt
For thinking
For knowing
For imagining
He loves me

I can no longer
Think him
Know him
Imagine him,
love him....

I think he loves me
I think he could have
If he wanted to..
Once upon a moon..
If he loves me
I think its too late
Austen girl May 2019
You seek to destroy
Everything that loves you..
Spreading the darkness within
Wont make it grow lighter..
I know you're broken
I know you're hurting
I cant be the one to fix you
I cant be the one to swim
In the depths of your mind
I cant be dragged down with you.
The truth is
I never really loved you.

I am fine with losing you
Austen girl Nov 2018
My eyes burn
Out of focus
Trying to wrap
Thoughts in form.

You felt familiar,
Like an old lover.
My body and mind
found another,
As did yours..
But I find that I stand
Close to you.
Too close....
I see smoke in those eyes
Maybe there's a fire
You haven't quite learned
to put out..
The day you said there was none
I've never felt so heavy
On a rooftop, small and discarded
She said you were too afraid
To set the forest ablaze
And I...
For a moment..
I was running after you,
turning back..

But if you wanted me,
You would have found me.

I don't know if I can forget you
Not when I still see that smoke
You pretend doesn't exist
Austen girl Nov 2017
how can i breathe?
i sit at the kitchen table
but i still see the blood from a month ago
where you were shot with your own gun..
how is death do casual?
"papa used to..."
every day is another day
i don't get to see you
i dont go out into the rain anymore
i remember that phone call
an "accident" they called it
and i walked a mile in a storm
never to see you again.
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