"forgive me"
she wrote
in midnight ink
flowers in her hair
stars dripping down her cheeks
she wanted to say
"i love you"
she wanted to say
"i can fix this"
she wanted to say
"please"
and she wrote it
every word
on the page

Dear Jessie my dearest buddy
Thank you for the hospitality
Its been a year since we met
Since then I’m full of regret

Always on and on about yourself
Sometimes too much I really doubt
Achievements showcasing on a shelf
Truth you speak or demanding clout?

Im sorry for always being fake
Thief of friendship sneaky snake
Pathetic liar hypocrite copy cat
Ravaging random ******* rat

The care and love as a friend I lack
Present past memories flood back
I never took the cap from the bottle
Sadly your mouth is unstoppable

Thats all I really have to say
Im sorry girl lets part our way
Our friendship shall be history
For this is my final apology

You can see me?
     Can’t you?
     I’m sorry.
     I only ask because you’re much younger than those I normally greet-
     How rude of me, I didn’t introduce myself-
     Let us leave that for later.
     What has brought you here?
     Grief?
     Greed?
     What grotesque grind hath you grounded yourself to in order to grip at ersatz freedom?
     I wish you could hear me.
     In these final moments you deserve someone to tell you that “everything is going to be okay”,
     But you’re alone,
     Laying on a cold floor,
     In a dark room,
     Alone.

     You remind me of someone I knew-
     I’m sorry to say, but she was selfish-
     She’s the reason I stand before you today,
     As a monster.
     She brought forth the first end I had to witness-
     My own-
     And I’ve been trapped ever since.
     She wanted a peaceful life,
     I tried to help her,
     But once all the “loud” things in her life were gone, she was alone.
     She threw away what made life beautiful:
     The inconsistencies,
     The animation
     The weird and wonderful.
     She ended her - and so many other - lives without ever brandishing a weapon.
     She was a monster.

     I’m not here to say that you are.
     Trust me.
     I have come to take you to a place where you can feel at peace-
     I know I may not look comforting, but I am here-
     It pains me to watch you there,
     Helpless,
     Struggling,
     Scared.
     I wish I could place my hand upon you and make sure you know someone is here.
     You must think I’m a dream,
     A longing for someone-
     Something-
     To be there for you.

     I didn’t ask to crumble mountains,
     I didn’t ask to burn civilizations,
     I didn’t ask to feel others pain-
     To ***** out their light with the placement of a hand.
     I miss being close to people,
     I had to push myself away because I can’t risk hurting those I love.

     I bet you felt the same?
     You knew lying here would be much harder if there were people out there looking for you.
     I can tell you, there still are.
     Right now, I bet you can see a warm light growing brighter-
     I still remember when I saw it-
     And the stinging in your skin has grown weaker,
You feel calmer.

     I reached out to that light,
     Looking back on the lifeless corpse I once was,
     And I was finally free!
     It was kind,
     But like Icarus - my wings melted away - I fell.
     Time.
     Time, to you, being a concept bringing forth the inevitable end.
     Time, to me, my father.
     Father Time expected much from me-
     I was his final hope-
     As his other three children failed him:
     War, slowly growing in anger and sadness.
     Pestilence, wasting away and destroying the life around them.
     Famine, withering alone with no future goals.
     Time made me stay,
     He awaited a Baby New Year to carry on a legacy but I could not.
     Yet still I accepted his everflowing hourglass,
     Yet still I accepted his Scythe,
     Yet still I stood within a world where I don’t belong-
     My life and humanity fading until I was unrecognizable-
     A monster among men.
     I remember the day someone called me that,
     A monster,
     And they truly meant it.
     That was the day I made it so only people who needed me could see me-
     I’m still quite sorry you can-
     I wish others could hear the words I have to say.
     I cursed myself more than anyone else could.

     It’s not your time to die little sparrow,
     I wish I could help you,
     But my fate is far worse than yours- I would never wish it upon another.
     Take my hand.
     I almost forgot- hello, my name is
                                                              ­   Death

I am sincerely sorry for being an absentee in my own life. You probably don't know me or even care about my existence, nor do you find relevance in my apologetic attempt to reconcile my fruitlessness. But I feel strongly compelled to apologize for my stagnation:

I come from a pond across the way from you. A stowed away break in the trees where the sun only shines for a brief time at noon and disappears for the rest of the day. The birds don't sing their song of sixpense, nor do the fish splash or the frogs belch their symphony. Even the crickets scream as loud as the mimes at the circus. For nothing enters and nothing leaves, so why do you even bother?

I only write to you for what could have been, and pray for forgiveness for what hasn't been. I understand that the act of "what if"s is a waterfall of tears cascading into an abyss, but I find that this journey is a necessary evil.

So what if I made a splash today in my pond, the ocean of things that I can actually control. Sent ripples across the pond and stirred the fish into commotion. The frogs join in the chaos with their symphony  and maybe the crickets, after hearing the low bass of croaking, decide to join in with their rhythm that awakens the birds from their deep slumber. In response, the birds spring up with their joyous melody and the ensemble of nature creates an exuberant noise in a previously dull and dim place. Such a thought that one tiny splash can dictate a tremendous ensemble, such that if you took your thoughts off of your own life for a split second you could possibly be splendidly surprised by burst of nature from an insignificant source. Such small fractions of life can create mesmerizing sound waves that make you a little happier today.

It seems so simple to create, just a whispering splash. Yet I have failed to create a single note that is audible to the outside world.

There are two plausible reasons for my plight: Either the noise I attempt to create is so insignificant to the outside world that more significant amplifications exceed my own capacity to make sound or the world is just simply not listening anymore.

No matter how many times you cry out, jump up and down in the pond and scream your head off at the world; the ripples aren't forming. The waves don't crash on the shore and one is left standing invisible in the center of a drowning amount of commotion.

And if you are reading this, you are the anomaly that has slipped through the sound barrier to hear this silent song.

I am so sorry.

For every time I hurt you..

For every cruel word I’ve ever said to you..

For not seeing what you needed most..

For not being kind to you as much as everyone else..

For every tear you have wasted..

For every time I stepped on your heart..

For every time I didn’t believe in you..

For every time I didn’t listen to you.

I am so sorry.

For ripping you apart..

For destroying the beautiful things in you..

For always making you pay the price..

And I apologise for all the wrongdoings I caused you!

Forgive this fallible human that is you.

I am so sorry.

I haven’t been here for a while
To make all my readers smile
I used to write every day
Guess that went away,
Anyway
I’m sorry!

you can taste the sorrow
on my lips—
forming my mouths apology,
before i could.

“I’m sorry”
I whisper.  Over. And over.
A reflex when things are not okay.
Because no matter what I’m always to blame.