You don't need
Black jeans and band tees
To be ripped apart on the inside

I'm sorry sweetheart
But this is going to hurt

I understand.
That you are frustrated.
Alone like a dot.
In the puzzle of your routine.
I know.
How thoughts can become clocks.
The terrifying performance of repeat.
I share it.
Your idea of total estrangement.
Blonde avenues without a silver soul.
I believe you.
Those sharp ideas to break free.
To be ruled by pure impulse.
I’ve got your back.
That plan to draw meaning.
To assist others to pleasure.
I realize that too.
That you’re at the edge of the night.
That you’ve got goosebumps as stars on your skin.
I do not deny it.
The vastness of every unused minute.
Cold, the cold bored instant.
I share your opposition.
To the lake of doubt that drowns the hope.
To the ache of death that drives the howl.
I understand.
How small a part of life can sting.
I know.
That you are frustrated.
Alone like a dot  .

Thank you for asking all the hard questions
that I tried to answer but you never believed me

Thank you for that ring you dropped into my bag
the golden one with the intertwined hearts

Thank you for making me love the wrong way
each glance like someone that doesn't hug back

Thank you for darkening the sky over my head
with your horrible grinning and coaxing and breathing

Thank you for begging me to tell you what's wrong
so I can fashion a fantasy of black hoodies and grief

Thank you for letting my lie to your face
slipping through my teeth under lips with a smile

Thank you for making my poetry crumble and
become rambling lines about love

and other awful things
that kind of don't
matter when
it gets
down
to
it

Closer and Closer
I watch as my hand touched yours,
You didn’t flinch,
But i know you’ll only like me in a platonic way.
I wish we weren't pulled apart,
I wish i didn’t argue and hiss,
I wish we weren't rivals from the start.
You’re eyes are violent and deep, a storm trapped inside a person.
The pieces of you I tease, are my way of hiding what I love.
Your hair, your anger…
It’s easier to simply forget, to not remember you’re human too.
To hide that time we bonded, that time you held me, the smile you so rarely flash…

Now, let’s take it back to the start
Rewind back to that part
When you started feeling a bit less smart.
When you started seeing things fall apart.

It starts as a tired thought
after a battle fought
For some kind of restitution
Against their reprehension
In saying “death’s an intervention
To an epidemic that is the creation
Of you"
You, muffled of all loud passion

They graciously etched off your pride with a quarter
And so you fought, and they thought you cheeky
They sagaciously set aflame your hair with a lighter
And so you forfeit, and they thought you easy

It’s too easy, it being you,
To hate, to hit, to abuse
K to the Y to the S to the please
They plead you to seize
A moment to hate to hit to abuse yourself
Please, please, cry a “farewell”
To this world, to your mother, to their satisfaction
Who cares, you're just some teen, dumb and ******
You thought a bang would get you a reaction
But you’re way too easy

When I was 16 I was happy.
Dancing around,
having fun in the summer.
Imagining the future to be something sweet.
My dreams were vast.
My hopes were taller than cliffs.
I was having fun.

When I was 21 I was lonely.
Wasting around,
sleeping through the summer.
Remembering the past as being something sweet.
My dreams were undecided.
My hopes were scattered all around.
I was tired of crying.