I can't quite place my rage
if you can even call it that
angry at your optimism in us,
in what you were capable of
angry with myself for letting you in
angry that I tried, again
only for it to end the same way

You yelled,
You pointed fingers,
You slap boxed a computer screen.

You broke things that aren't yours,
You challenged Truth,
Now you're a memory,
Yet another 404.

Who invited the instigators?
I didn't,
Did you?
They don't work,
They don't write,
Unless it's a comment made out of spite.
Social medias were built to throw around blame,
If you like spreading rumors, may I suggest Facebook?
Wherever you do it,
Don't do it here,
You're one poem,
Can't be a line attacking people you've never met.
I'm sick of all the strays,
If you come here, come for art,
Come to write.

It used to be your pleasure I soaked up with the tissues
Now they can't seem to get enough of my tears
Sometimes I let them be when I lay down to sleep
They roll down my face as if in a race and I'll bet on which one first reaches my ears
It's the only thing I haven't been wrong about in years

I said convince me you love me, and you say keep this only in the mind
But you forgot that I wanted something concrete, written, and left for all to find

I said convince me you love me, and you say here is a page I filled out
But I thought you would prove more devout

I said convince me you love me, and you say here are the words you requested it’s finished
But you let typos into your letter and fill it

I said convince me you love me, and you say clichés are to be condemned
But cliches are only cliches if you care to say them

I said convince me you love me, and you say words restated depreciate
But words never said leave me with nothing to appreciate

I said convince me you love me, and you say here is an idiom I don’t think you’ll get
But you weren’t supposed to make me upset

I said convince me you love me, and you say thanks
But you should have said I love you, you shouldn't have left any blanks

I said convince me you love me, and you tell me your words have been chosen carefully, casually, and with the intention of being a fleeting moment of the present
But I did not feel that

I said convince me you love me,
But I am unconvinced

I'm not a monster
But my teeth are sharp
And I've got a tendency to come out after dark
I found the old me wrapped up in a tarp
Half of me in my dads backyard and the other half in my mom's shopping cart
I asked for nastolgia and all I got was growing pains
It's been another year and my rage remains the same
Growing older and growing with me
She doesn't want to separate
Finding a home inside my veins

And I still remember the way it felt to jump into your arms
Wrapped in security I could never be harmed
The security you provided was never protection
I've met several versions of the same person
I always thought he loved me but he never had
And Over and over again I wonder who he is
Till I look into your eyes and
I want to seek comfort
I want to find peace
But when I look at your eyes I see every man I've come to meet.

You were suppose to protect me
I was your little girl
It was our world and you always kept me safe,
But I didn't know that keeping me safe meant from you, or all the other yous out there that exist.
The way you loved my mother
Taught me everything a man would do.
It was not a pretty love story either if you needed a clue.

I went to the infermery, the feelings you stick me with make me so sick only for the doctor to tell me
I've been diagnosed with homesickness from a home that was never real
But a place i Long and miss.
I've tried to read between the lines of who I was and who you wanted me to be
But I couldnt ever tell
I couldn't see what you wanted from me.
Now when I look into the mirror
And I'm reminded of who you are
I take a deep breath just to find we have the same scars

I wonder, am I going to be
Ignorant and violent and distant one day too
Or will I find all the good parts of you in me and show you who you could have been
If you didn't fall into the madness your grandfather perpetuated and your mother continued.
I don't want to be like you
At least the you, you are the one you became
But I am in every way

Maybe one day on your death bed you will finally tell me you are proud
But I know your pride eats at you and seeks for the parts of me that are apart of you
So I will burn down everything you've created me to be with gasoline
And I will rebuild each part of me  with new parts of who I want to be.
Parts of me that will still feel the darkness
Parts of me who feel rage
Part of that little girl who still wants her father to be engaged enough to see her for who she is.

No matter who I become, I cannot hide that you will always be Ingrained into me.
One day you will find, you could have been who I have became all along.
And if I could go back in a time machine to change it for us
I would
To love you as a child
Just as they should
Just like you deserved
Just like I deserved.

Are the bones in your
closet so itchy?
So itchy you need relief?
Do you need a relief from them?

Come on and let them out,
they need fresh air.
They can’t survive forever
with stale air in the closet.

Does it make you happy
to constantly buy more
bones, to add to the irritation?
Is it your joyfulness condensed?

Maybe they’re something that
you like to show off all the time.
You think the only currency is
in the unnerve you receive from others.

Did you moan my name by mistake?
Did it catch in your throat,
get tangled up in the lie,
stick to the roof of your mouth like something foul?

Or did you forget me completely,
just for a moment,
just long enough to let her pull you under?

I bet you touched her the way you used to touch me.
Slow, deliberate,
like you wanted to make it mean something.
Like you wanted to convince yourself
this wasn’t betrayal,
just… something that happened.

You’re a ******* joke.

Did you kiss her after?
Did you pull her close like she was yours?
Did she believe you
when you whispered the same empty promises
you spoon-fed me?

I wonder if she smelled me on your skin.
If she felt my ghost in your hands.
If she knew she was just a grave
you were burying me in.

And then you came home.
Sat in our bed like nothing was different,
like the sheets weren’t stained with your filth,
like you weren’t rotting from the inside out.

Did you think I wouldn’t notice?
That I wouldn’t taste the decay
in the air between us?
That I wouldn’t feel the way your love
curdled into something sour?

You want to lie?
Fine.
Choke on it.
Rot in it.
Drown in it.

But don’t you dare touch me with those hands.
Not now.
Not ever again.