Tonight, I sit down to write
Just like many nights before.
This time, however, I saw something different on the other side of the door.
I saw hope.
I saw it when I saw the grass again.
I saw the sun melt the snow away.
And I knew that snow would turn
Back to water which would bring
The flowers back someday.

Once again,
I dance alone
in the dark rooms
of my mind,
while I hold on
to time as it drips
off my eyelashes.
My heart won't
let go of you
but my mind
stops me in
my steps,
as I see your
shadows.

I forgot how much I missed you
Until we started talking again
I've been through lots of painful things
But not many compare to losing a friend

You texted me a week ago
You tried to apologize
It wasn't your fault
(You liked looking in my eyes)

Said you found this jacket
In the picture, it reminded
Me of a 80s quilt
I said you should get it, you did

Adults keep pulling on our sleeves
Telling us to grow up
Keep only what you need
Well I needed connection
And I needed a friend
You were running low on those too
Maybe life's out to get us
Maybe they just don't care
I know it's easier
If I have you there

raise my hands and
i look up to the sky
sometimes i'm blind
but in due time
i reveal to myself
that the world is mine
black man
just trying not to
squander my time
i'm feeling fine
in this somber state of mind
gotta shake it before
the strife eats me alive

"the world doesn't dictate you"
i speak that truth to myself
it's a virtue
affirmations, reassurance leading
to my revelation
before i fall into the abyss again
those days when
those words i wrote
felt like my only friend
fending off the world's woes
until the very end
until my God sends me Home
i'll always be in defense
of my mind & spirit
bless

- negassie

They said that even demons
sometimes have a change of heart.
This made me wonder.
My demons' hearts never changed.
But mine did.
And it got even darker
as it gets broken over and over again.

If I saw you again, I wouldn’t care about things that were so petty, like whose plates and cutlery lay idle in the sink...who didn’t take out the *******...who forgot to water the plants, or who forgot to do this or that.

The only sounds I hear now are our splintered voices down the phone. Every night. They grow. They break. They hover, they drift ever-so, and they try to fade. But somehow, they are always there. Lingering. Over and over again.

And as I look out at the morning’s rusty dream of dawn, a thin film of moisture condensing on the windscreen, I pause.

It isn’t the first time I’ve tried to take a film noir journey through my subconscious.

It isn’t the first time I’ve tried to pull moments and memories together to make some utter sense of what’s happening. My thoughts seem to always unravel themselves. And I struggle with them. They don’t effortlessly slot together anymore.

I often think to myself: isn't it funny how our impression of time changes? God, reflecting back on a fading memory now seems livelier than life itself.

Now I sit here, thinking all these sad and strange thoughts – that everything – time, work, effort, money, affection – are moments that will, one day, crumble and fade – that they won’t be there forever in the physical world.

Because everything we had once cherished with such love, I still remember. Still.