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nathan Jan 2021
the cliff is steep
my legs are getting heavy
feeling weak
weekly tribulation
seething through my teeth
as i fight to the peak

the fall is long
my body’s numbing
though i’m very strong
abyss has been prolonged
i’m fighting daily
giving up is wrong
even if i can’t go anymore
the fall won’t last
for long

- negassie
instagram.com/sutured.soul
nathan Nov 2020
raise my hands and
i look up to the sky
sometimes i'm blind
but in due time
i reveal to myself
that the world is mine
black man
just trying not to
squander my time
i'm feeling fine
in this somber state of mind
gotta shake it before
the strife eats me alive

"the world doesn't dictate you"
i speak that truth to myself
it's a virtue
affirmations, reassurance leading
to my revelation
before i fall into the abyss again
those days when
those words i wrote
felt like my only friend
fending off the world's woes
until the very end
until my God sends me Home
i'll always be in defense
of my mind & spirit
bless

- negassie
instagram.com/sutured.soul
nathan Oct 2020
sit and lament in the dark
heart to heart with myself
without a need for some help
put that up on the shelf
save it for a rainy day
when i know that i
won't have the strength
regardless of that,
regardless of the
length of the abyss
i just take a deep breath
and pray i reach my precipice

aligning with the thought that
i shouldn't always
search for the bliss
pain is a learning opportunity
i'd be ****** if i missed
though i'd rather feel something
relative to the opposite
my fate is written
all i have is the cards given

self-actualization
never turning away from the frays
of my nights and days
instead i organize it
pray over it
and create a space,
a safe haven for it
leading a life of reassurance
even at my lowest
perseverance in the restitution
of my joy
always searching for the young boy
in me
this life costs a lot
in different ways
but that inner youth is
always free

grateful to say i'm
learning every day
moving forward to better places
fear of the darkness
is a hindrance to my lamentations
honing the approach of my journey
as evolution and preservation
now excuse me while i get back
to my meditations

- negassie
instagram.com/sutured.soul
nathan Oct 2020
thankful for my Savior
for implementing greatness in me
it's safe to say that
this life ain't easy
constant negativity
through introspection
saying that i loathe me
daily

evenings reeling on my meaning
liberating myself through this writing
perfect timing when
i see the light again
revitalizing an empty life
i'll come back again tomorrow

scythe to the neck of my oppressors
and my sorrow
healing through my mental processes
so i see the light of day
keep my faith in God
so i know that there's a way
destined for my refusal
that the evil strike me where i lay

imma never stop running
until i can do so safely
striving for the
continuance of self-expression
i never ain't me
demons tryna come for my mental
in spontaneity
running away from Satan
and chasing God simultaneously

- negassie
instagram.com/sutured.soul
nathan Oct 2020
i’m so tired of forevers and goodbyes
miming lies deep into my eyes
that’s why i feel like the truth
is hard to find
the wanders of my tired mind
control my severed tongue

severed by the thought that
my thoughts aren’t wanted
by anyone
and i’m tired of it
i feel the floating away feeling
or my desire for it
torn spirit
had some cries because of it
wish i wasn’t lying about my goodbyes
every time because i’m
scared of it

- negassie
instagram.com/sutured.soul
nathan Aug 2020
to my sisters and brothers
fighting for our freedom
may your hearts settle
like the leaves past the summit
of a windy day
lay on the floor with your tears and your trauma
deep breaths
your mind needs the moment to emit the karma

your pain will be dealt towards the responsible
you must let it leave at your heaviest
release all the tension from days and
weeks and
months of constant worry
and sorrow
of tomorrow’s you will never ask for

let your mind, body and soul
settle
like we have been
forced to do as a people
for generations
this will work in your favor,
so you’ll be ready to
demand your freedom again
mind you, this is daily
you go through cycles and processes for your life
your sisters and brothers lives
your familial successors lives
so regenerate
nobody’s drained like you
we’re deep in the storm, so
these cycles will be worth it
so we will end up seeing skies of blue

to my sisters and brothers
i’m here fighting
i’m here with you
for you
strongest spirits on this earth,
incomparable
so, as this day ends, i must ask of you:
settle yourself
for tomorrow is brand new
(with the same cycle...
but you know what i’m
trying to tell you)

- negassie
instagram.com/sutured.soul
nathan Aug 2020
passion and turmoil
circle around me like it’s
ring around the rosie
the former acting as a
tributary to the latter
swellings of emotion are
very scant in positivity
leading to bodies of time where
nothing really matters

cross tucked to my chest
holy reverence past my life
moving to the next
blessed yet cursed
this passion works in ways that
hurt my soul
haunted heart
i’ve seen this from the start
my fire can envelop me whole

the light’s shone in my eyes
my light is salvageable
the rather daunting sky
can be quite malleable
with a heart of steel
and a mind that’s palpable

yet a mind of such strength
can hold tears that
you have yet to cry
demoralization that leads to a sigh
passion and turmoil work
hand-in-hand
so we pray that time flies
so we can hide until we’ve
weathered the strife
make my eulogy brief
please mention my
emblazoned spirit
as well as my fight to feel free
sifting through
heartache and misery
passion and turmoil has
drained all of my energy

- negassie
instagram.com/sutured.soul
nathan Aug 2020
my soul has achieved *******
against its sacred enemy
trembling in the face of pain
but then i turn towards my world
and appear sane
emotions told plain
rain or shine
i’ll know that God’s time
is my time

impact of the
feeling of hurt
is sublime
at war with “protectors”
being black’s the crime
added torture from the
sorrow of injustice
took a toll on me
“free” and me can’t mix
i’ve known that since time

at a crossroads between
time and the end of it
angels drowned by demons
i know the David in this situation
lose your hope to Goliath?
you’ll see his triumph
God’s warriors never give
no matter how much we may try
i know time works on His accord
my prayer feels
drained and droning
i’m leaning on myself
but all we have is that
ourselves
so what am i to cry for

- negassie
instagram.com/sutured.soul
nathan Aug 2020
laying with myself
pleading for my freedom
tryna find peace
yet it’s fleeting
envisioning flying away
to a better day
even if it’s fluttering
just as i see my heart to be
in tumultuous moments

potent poison of
joy’s deprivation
sputtering words,
used as shutterbugs
for my vulnerable soul
they hit the ground, shattering
deaf ears do take a toll
praying that i cover ground
on my journey to the beyond
pound for pound against my demons
this search for solace
made me strong
patience rooted in me
all i know is
He never did me wrong

my measurement of hope’s
relative to the
lack of faith i may feel
treacherous, hopeless moments
times i wanna keel over
my measurement of tomorrow
is always relative to my yesterdays
pain of missed opportunity
or times i pray don’t fade away
my measurement of joy
is relative to my sorrow
lack of self-worth
or a sobering to the time that
we have borrowed

my relativity is deemed
a detriment
i’m sure of it
my self-assessment has
never been without context
droughts in my mental
that’s why i end up despondent
or one-track minded on
the basis of my false promises
i give them to myself
i truly have no one to blame
aching, scathing pain
all i can do is pray
for better days

- negassie
instagram.com/sutured.soul
nathan Aug 2020
infants
swaddled in the arms of
our loved ones
seeds being tucked deep
in the depths of our heart
lessons never forgotten
things we learned from
the very start
they kept us intact
even if we felt like
things were falling apart
intellectual upstarts
those blessings really
took us far

the kids we used 2 be
were free
every moment was a morning breeze
or sometimes we were isolated
growing up was the only thing
we could've done
but it made us who we are
never take it for granted
no matter what the hurt
even if our right to childhood was
reprimanded

young bucks with dreams
of flying higher than doves
unleashing untapped potential
daydreams spirited
with deep self-trust
no matter how good or bad it was
no matter the tribulation
no matter how tough
we'll always look at
the kids we used 2 be
with love

- negassie
instagram.com/sutured.soul
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