Conditional beyond reasonable
Is how our relationship sometimes feels...
More often than I'd care to admit.

My love is unconditional
And, therefore, can be easily used (abused?)
The value forgotten or blinded whenever I act human, imperfect, fragile or broken... Inconvenient I am. So are we all.
Where does your anger come from?

Taken for granted
Until you find something YOU miss.
Over and over again, this cycle persists...

Only according to your terms
Only if convenient
Only if it serves your sole purpose
Only if maintenance-free
Only if easy... Perfect... Not too much trouble...

UNTIL there is something you need...
From me.
Yes, boundaries are a necessity.

But relationships based on
Convenience for oneself
Are not relationships, at all..
They are one-way streets
Serving one person's agenda

Controlling, manipulative, self-serving, emotional toil...
And, somehow, always justifiable (in your eyes)
Because I am not who you want me to be...

I don't fit your "ideal" mold.
And you feel that is what you are owed?
(I honestly don't know...)
Except when you feel alone, afraid, or empty.
You don't dare lose what you can use! (abuse?)

But dare I say or do something amiss...
Your "conditions" will persist.
How do I say "stop!" when my role is to love, protect, and forgive?

Pain. What to do with all the pain.
If I tell, I will be blamed for my pain causing your pain...
This, my love, is NOT love.
No relationship of substance exists
When such rules and expectations persist.

Here I am at the deep end
and the one who brought me here
is the one who is supposed to make me feel loved secure..

But for me that's not the case
he is the one who put the bruises on my face
the marks on my body
the pain but also the love in my heart
I don't know where to start

You see when he wrapped his hands around my neck
that's how he show his love
but answer me this how can he show his love if it isn't there?

But hey I don't hate him not the least of a bit
my disrespect and back talking that's why I get hit

My friends judge me
the just don't understand
how it feels to be loved by a good man

My family already have
but he will never let me down

See no matter how far  he pushes me to the depth of the water
he is my anchor the reason I'll never drown

I know he can be as mean as a pitbull
but also as nice as dove I love him with all my heart
we just got tough love.......

She told him: you can have my body and all the rest
Since you tore the heart out of my chest.
Do what you want with it if you will, for tender hearts you learned to ****.
Has the thought ever entered your mind, that love for you
Could be so blind?
You say that love is just a tool. That is used by a fool!
There is no such thing as love just human desire
And we must learn to put out the fire!
We have become putty in your hands, and how to mold you understand.
The feelings you showed was just a ploy, so you could get in and destroy.
She had been hurt by love so many times before
That she decided to close the door. No longer would she let anything in
Unless it was a love that she could win.
The men in her life were vultures tearing her flesh apart
Just to get to her heart.
No one knows the strength of a woman with a broken heart
That has been shattered and torn apart.
Like a rubber ball, she will bounce back, and the odds against abuse will be stacked. She has learned from day to day that with her heart you will not play.
With the strength of a tiger she will attack and there will be no turning back
She will tear at your heart the way it was done to her and laid at her feet
For all the other vultures who want to eat.

please
let me live in ignorance
this blissful unknowing
silence wrapped in darkness

this blindfold is better
than the truth you bare
the truth covered in
death and despair

take your double-edged
sword
keep your love
keep your hate

leave me be
be me leave

let me breathe
with this heavy chest
weighted by the ache
of my abused best

*s.q.

I've tried to get over being lied to.
I can't.
I've tried to get through the betrayals and blames,
I can't.
I've tried to get over that fact that I've been talked about and lied about,
But I can't.
I've tried to get past the reasons why I regret so much,
And I can't.
I've tried to get past the hypocrisy and narcissism
And I simply can't.
I've tried to get over the pain of knowing I'd wasted time
And could have had something that makes my entire life complete,
And can't.
I've tried to forget the dreams and wants I used to think were real,
But I can't.
I've tried to work my way through the conflict in my head, but I cant.
I am trying not to hate him, but I can't.

*** toy,
That is all I am to you.
One who will stay close to you.
A girl who is in love with you
but that is something you'll never see.
I am just the girl who ***** you.

A *** toy,
With beautiful looks and devil eyes.
I could pleasure you for hours
But your the type that only lasts minutes.

A *** toy,
I wish you would desire me.
Instead you just want to hurt me.
I cant take the *******.
I am not your fantasy.
Stop making me your *** toy.

A *** toy,
For when you are bored with your hand.
When you are feeling cold and alone.

A *** toy,
I can never say no.
As I lay there with my legs up in the air.
While you whisper all these ***** things inside my ear.

A *** toy,
You will never understand.
You just use me for your pleasure
To make your ******* fantasy.

A *** toy,
that is all I'll ever be.

I don't know what to say.
I can't even explain to you how I feel.
I guess in simple words,
I feel used and abused.

You were everything to me.
I cared so much about you.
I gave you everything I could.

What was I to you?
Just some *** object you can use and abuse?
Just a *** object so you can fill your fantasies.

Did you even see who I was underneath my skin?
Did you see me as me?
Did you just hide me behind the images of your *******?

What was I to you?
Just some *** object you can use and abuse?
Just a *** object so you can fill your fantasies.

Well I got some news for you.
Listen to what I have to say real close.
I am human being.
I am a girl with a open heart.
You took advantage since I fell for you hard.
You broke my heart.

What was I to you?
Did I mean nothing at all?
Just a *** object you can use and abuse.
Just a *** object to fill your fantasies.

Your compliments mean nothing.
When I look you in the eye,
I can see that you just told me a lie.
I tried to hold on.
I guess I tried too hard for far too long.
I am finally to the point, where I am just numb.

What was I ever to you?
Just some *** object you can use and abuse?
Just a *** object to fill your fantasies.
That is what I was to you.

I expect the same love
Received from early age

Betrayed and neglected
Inside my mental cage

Now I live like a ******
From my childhood pain

Getting hurt very young
Really damaged my brain

Forever I will live this way
Feeling sick and confused

To be such a young victim
A child sexually abused