I'm going to stop
Stop trying with you
I'll try with him instead
Maybe he'll like me
Maybe I'll grow to like him
More than you
He'll think
        "I'm funny"
        "Pretty"
        "****"
Or I'll lose again
Alone again-
Still

I wish I was her
You laugh with her
You talk to her
You hold her
You kiss her
Why can't I be her
Why choose her
Am I not good enough
        Pretty enough
        **** enough
She’s your lover-
I’m your friend
But I’ll never be her
You won’t like me-
Like you like her
I’m not her-
You want her

She doesn’t try
Doesn’t have to
I try
Maybe too hard-
        “Notice me”
        “Look at me”
        “I’m funny”
        “I’m pretty”
        “I’m ****”
Maybe I’m wrong-
I don’t deserve you
Not like she does-
        “She’s funnier”
        “She’s prettier”
        “She’s sexier”
But I have something-
She doesn’t have
        “I’m more broken”

Waves                             they                     happy
     call me.                          call                       when I
       They crash                    out to                     see them
        and laugh                      me, with                 dance. They
    with the wind.                their beauty            beckon me
Beautiful and elegant      and shine. I am       towards them.

I don't see

the light that shines above,

only darkness

that tears into me.

Smells like sadness
Sounds like crying
Feels like death
Tastes like depression
Looks like anxiety