let's not
be a little
more social
but let's be
a little more
open with
ourselves
before we are
open to anyone
else

let's not be a
little more humble
when we haven't
been selfish
for ourselves

let's not be
a little bit careful
to anyone
until we look
out for ourselves
until we care
for ourselves
and then we'd
be ready for
someone else

let's not believe
in anyone else
until we believe
in ourselves

let's not send
our love to
anyone else
until we
truly love ourselves

being us,
being you
and being me
is so different
but we all have
similar needs so
fulfill ours first
until you go to
someone else

because being you
always comes first

you push
me down
but i
don't brush
that weight
away
i don't brush
your words
away

but instead
i climb onto
them
instead of
falling down
i rise
higher than
before
because nothing
you'll ever do
matters
to me.

at least not anymore

it's kind
of scary
how people
take me more
seriously
online
than in
real life

you want
to keep
us a hush
because
you don't
want anyone
to know that
you're with me

you make it
pretty clear
when you
cunningly
follow me
like a shadow
so much alive
but not noticed

you're careful
when you're
with me
in case i might
blow up
but i don't
let my feelings
out because
i know
i will
lose you
if i did

i'm frightened
without you
because in
some wicked
way you make
me feel loved,
in some sick
way i feel happy,
in a sinners way
you make me
feel alive

the truth is
that i'm an
object to
you,
i'm just someone
who you can come
to and look for my
attention

and i'm
always dumb
enough to
give it
to you
i'm so dumb
to want you
i'm so dumb
to accept you
i'm so dumb
that i can't
let you go

you say
we're just
lovers
passing our
time,
i wish i
could call
you mine

you won't
make the
first move
then
i'd have
to prove
what you
really mean
to me

still, i know
you'll leave
me alone
and how
can i be
a lover
without
your love?

if only
words
didn't break
us apart
but you're
more
for action
and a little
more of heart

it hurts
a little
whenever
they compare
me to my
sister

i know she's
artistic
and can float
her brush on
her canvas,
she fills it
with colors
and shapes
that i wish
maybe i could
do something
like that as well
she's got a way
with her words
that make me
feel poisoned
if only i was
as good as her
with her brush
and her practice
if only i
mastered that too
but i grew up
too soon

yet here i am
painting as well
but my canvas
is black and white
my canvas
is the same shapes
repeating on and on
my canvas is forbidden
and unheard of to
my parents
my canvas isn't dead
but its alive,
breathing and swelling
she walks out
of fire even if it hurts
she might burn down
as she goes but
she's the best power
that i know
and just because
no one knows about
my art
it doesn't make
it any less special
because my
art is for
myself

they say
to be
the best
you
that you
can be
and that
every
single day
is a new
beginning

but what
they don't
know is
that i've
ran out
of re-spawns
i ran out
of lives,
i'm on
my last
one
and no matter
what day,
what hour,
or what minute
i will
always
be the same
me.