maybe all i need to stop this pain is a little motrin.
maybe all i need to stop this bleeding is a band-aid.
maybe all i need to stop this screaming are some ear plugs.
maybe all i need to stop this drowning is a life raft.
maybe all i need to stop this agony is a little numbness.

numbness...


it wears off,  doesn't stop the pain only holds back the flood gates
of sleepless nights and screaming hearts, bloodshot eyes and rejections knife.
just long enough for me to catch a glimmer of hope, a mirage
in the Sahara, so beautiful yet so cruel.  
just as i get close enough to taste
a sweet tomorrow,
the desert sun sets.
and i'm still bleeding,
and you're still
gone.

maybe all i need to stop this searching is a little less hope.

You're right there.

It kills me to see you with her,
but if when she smiles, your bones
ignite and your heart flutters...
kinda the same way mine does when i look at you....
not even a heart this cold, would ever wish that
away from you.

I want to say that I'm getting better,
that  these scars are starting to feel
like the marks of a warrior who has won battles,
but even if the bleeding has stopped, the war is not over.

There are so many days when the sun will come out,
and I can feel its warmth wash over me, and it is
when I am covered by its happy grace,
that the shadow of sadness is cast across the
sidewalks.. those sidewalks where every crack
was a canyon to wide to cross.
My blood stained on every square.

And as I stand on top of that mountain and look down
upon the valley that I had conquered,
i realize,
that my footprints spell your name...

Then there I go again,

crashing
burning

f
a
l
l
i
n
g

falling, right back into
the devils claw.

A pretty girl with a pretty face,
the demons she was still trying to chase,
gripping her heart,
and clouding her mind.

darling its all in your head

Where an escape is impossible
to find.

Its getting more and more difficult to breathe
Maybe its just my mind
But something tells me Im not as healthy as I seem.

My chest tightens
I freeze
I get scared and cry easier
If you really understood what anxiety
Felt like
Then you wouldnt be so mean.

Do you ever just feel empty?
As though your veins are hollow and insides are nothing but air?
As though you look at yourself but you dont see any colour
Like you are feeling so much that you've just stopped feeling at all?

Because thats how I feel right now
Hopefully it wont last for long