tendertendertendertender.
hold me. i demand it. tenderly.
splay your fingers the long of my spine atop my shirt,
press your chest to mine and caress caress caress me.
clutch at my hips and let your fingertips
leave bruises to prove you were there.
nip at my lips, my cheeks and *******.
lap hungrily, dig your tongue into tender flesh.
drag your mouth over mine,
over and over and over and over.
i want to taste myself more than anything.

i am prismic and entrancing, refracting - always reflecting my insides outwards. you will know how i feel if i want you to know so, i will tell you how to feel and by my will you will do so, i am hypnotic and sympathetic. i am blinding and righteous.

Emotional sediment settles in my pelvic bone,
I commence the process of petrifying.
Set down to rest in a small pebbled bed,
I am heavy and weighted and mineralizing.

You.
You hang around my head like a heavy crown.
You bring me down.
Many hands make quick work,
Too many hands will undo it equally fast.
Oh, how I still crave your hands.
Gentle hands work soft on tender flesh.
I would still let you touch me, after all this.
You illuminate my head like a halo.
I glow when I'm with you.
My hands work alone to undo what has been done.

pressedpressedpressed so tightly to your chest,
i scratched and clawed and clung and held on.
your hand under my sleeve, up my shirt,
so tender, it hurt to look at you.
we lay in the dark blue of the night,
so silent, i might cry,
you pressedpressedpressed your chest so close to mine;
all my nerves fired at once.

The tremble of your lips grasping at the idea of sound, of sentences.
What is there to share, what to make of secrets?

The soft, swift, brief touch of our knees,
The recoil that follows immediately.

The pattering of your voice over the chatter of the shop
making the mundane a private, intimate affair.

The way you shifted in your seat next to me,
Concerned with the space you and I and we were occupying.

The tentative nature of your suggestions,
How you watched and waited for me to lead.

I would ******* if you asked me,
**** the marrow from your bones,
I would, only if you asked me,
Bare my chest, shred your neck
Made it last if you asked me,
Take your heart from your chest
And put it back if you asked,
Bruised you blue, made you new,
I would love you if you asked me;

Only if you asked me.

i am overzealous and underwhelming. i say somethings and i regret them. i say nothings and i wish i hadn't. i am weighted and unbalanced. i place value where i think it belongs. i lean heavy into things for too long. i am uncertain and so sure. i run out of thoughts before my heart runs out of feelings. my thoughts run over and overwhelm my heart. i am liminal and concrete. im incomplete but hoping i could be.

Magma, molten, amorphous.
My blood is red hot
And searing, bursting
Out of its confines.
My heart is caustic,
Compulsive, incongruent.
I erupt over and over,
I wonder
When I will run out of earth to chew up and spit out.

Do you think of me as oft as I, you?
You make me so blue, so blue, so blue.

Fresh sheets out the wash, and a pillow sham or two:
My bed wrapped in a soft blue, a soft-soft blue-blue.

I wait on my porch in a dress so brand new.
I match the sky, we are bathing in blue.

Tears on my dress, on my sheets, on your knees,
You wrap me and dip me in blue, blue, blue, blue.

You are the zephyr in the clearing of my mind’s eye;
You weave your way through my willows and worries.
Clear out clouds to let the sun in,
Clear and loud, I hear your laugh ring.

You are the river carving into the rock face of my heart;
You cut deep and find the crease wherein my love lies.
Carry it with you as you flow down,
Carry me with you as you flow south.

I spit up words and swallow them over again.
I'm starving for any concept, any notion of myself.
Is this how I operate? Is this how I communicate?

I make prints in the soil and them to match my feet.
I'm trying to prove my own existence over any and all else.
Is this where I tread? Are my steps that weighted?

I touch bodies and am touched back in turn.
I wish I understood the matter that I occupy.
Will I know myself in time? Could I love myself in time?

Of nothing, I am sure.

Closer.
Slowly.
Crawling upwards.

I was still, I know not to startle skittish creatures.
I stayed, patient, I waited
For you to test the waters, assess the dangers.
I was still.

Closer still.
Climbing.
Gravitating.

I held my heart out for you to nudge your nose against,
I left my palm open for you to lap at,
I turned myself towards you and let you decide who I could be.
I stayed.

Cradled.
Covered.
Comfort.

I was still;
I know not to wake sleeping creatures.

You kissed me in my dream last night.
It was wet and fresh, refreshing and right.
You were by my side and leaned into me,
******* fingers, bumping teeth.
I was soothed in a way I never feel when I'm awake.

I don’t speak french but I’d do it for you,
On your skin, tongue and lips
If you wanted me to.