wake up
breath in and out
take in the new day like a leaf absorbs the morning dew
it's time to go

yesterday's errors are erased when the clock strikes twelve
you are new
you are a butterfly breaking out of a cocoon of coulda-woulda-shoulda
ready to take flight and make brand new beautiful mistakes

you've never had a day quite like today before
you'll never have a day quite like today again
so embrace it

Glue my eyes closed,
Board up the windows to my soul.
Sew my eyelids together,
Ignore my heart's growing hole.

I'm putting tape over my ears so I don't hear cruelty,
I'm putting tape over my nose so I don't smell my own fear,
I'm putting tape over my eyes so I don't see a joke in the mirror,
I'm putting tape over my mouth so I don't say what people don't want to hear.

I'm taping my arms to my sides to avoid gesturing,
To articulate points that are certainly wrong,
I am taping my legs to avoid the shame
Of walking in the rain to the same sad song.

I am taping my body,
I am taping my mind,
I am through being honest,
Done with being kind.

It's selfish to die,
It's painful to live,
My solution is tape,
So I can't take or give.

I'm in a class,
We sit in chairs.
The teacher talks,
They listen and stare.

And I'm unfocused.

My pen is scratching,
My mind is clear,
The class is there,
And I am here.

And I should focus.

Oh, ****.
It's quiet.
Have I been caught?
This is something that I should not
Be doing
But I can't help it,
I'm trying to get it,
But my mind is flying,
And I'm sick of trying and
My brain is crying for
More than I'm offered and
**** IT!

I just can't focus.

Heart pounding
Hands shaking
b r e a t h e

Palms sweating
Still faking
b r e a t h e

Brain frying
Lips drying
Still trying
b r e a t h e...b r e a t h e...b r e--

...I can't breathe.

I have a very close best friend
But I hope we aren't friends for life
They trudge with me every day
And keep me cold at night

My friend is really clingy
They want me to stay alone
Fridays, for most, are for partying
But I'm with my friend at home

My friend is really cruel to me
They call me nasty names
They say no one would like the genuine me
At least nobody sane

My friend has lots of other friends,
And if they're yours as well,
All I can say is that I'm sorry you're trapped
On this merry-go-round from Hell.

I'm drowning.
Sinking deeper and deeper into a black and murky water.
I am alone.
I am stuck.

I try to swim up, not because I want to, but because I must.
I must keep swimming,
Because there are people on land that need me, that want me, that demand me to live and breathe and strive for better things.

Sometimes I wonder if I want to live and breathe and strive for better things.

It'd be so much easier to just let go,
And give in to the black and murky waves,
To simply accept that I'll never again be a person on the shore.

I'm still splashing at the waves, now with a rising panic,
And I can hear my heart pounding,
And I can feel the blood rushing to my head with the intensity of a freight train.

Because now the waves in the once placid waters have jagged edges,
Razor edges that draw blood,
And I see the black and murky waters turn red with my life force.

And the rational part of my brain recognizes that none of this is real,
That my wounds and the water and my panic are a figment of my troubled mind.

But my heart knows with a sickening certainty that even if I do not die today,
I will forever carry the burden of scars from wounds that never really happened.