sometimes it hits me like a brick
the realization that you're not there anymore
the realization that i'll never be able to feel your touch again
i'll never be able to be in your presence again
oh how i miss being next to you

then i wonder how it was real
it was just so perfect, until it wasn't
i just don't get how someone who made me feel more than anyone else has could leave my life so quickly
i don't get how we weren't meant to be

not a day goes by where i don't think of you
and i hate myself for it

was it just the idea of you?
or the potential of what we could've been?
or was it genuinely just you as a person?

for whatever reason, i still can't seem to get you off my mind
i can't forget the way i felt when we looked into each other's eyes
i can't forget how my whole body filled with joy when you smiled

oh how i miss it, but i will never know if you feel the same

daddy why don't you love me anymore
you know mom never did
it's almost as if you're dead
yet you're still alive
you can't protect me from her insults anymore
because now, you're the one going along with it

making sandcastles at the beach while being basked by the sun
quickly turned into doors slamming so hard that the room vibrates

laughing until our ribs felt like they would burst
quickly turned into insults that would rot my soul away

jubilantly screaming on rollercoasters and squeezing hands tightly
quickly turned into punches and threats

smiles that shined brightly with purity and joy
quickly turned into tears that i'd find myself drowning in every night

being daddy's little girl
quickly turned into being the one that got away

"i'm not going anywhere"
what a lie

she started realizing her worth
until she was set back again
she realized she drove everyone away
no one wants to deal with a broken little girl anyway

maybe she doesn't deserve anything
maybe she deserved the pain
after all she wasn't a perfect person
she's made a lot of mistakes

"maybe it's karma" she thought
she was spiraling more and more each day
she grew more angry with herself
and dark thoughts took over again

they creeped back into her mind, right when started doing well again
this time, the thoughts are more intense and strong
the temptation is there
but she knows she shouldn't give in

she wants to so badly though
she thinks she deserves to feel the pain
after all she drove everyone away
no one wants to deal with a broken girl anyway

daddy didn't love her did he
mommy didn't love her either did she
she was used to it though

seasons change and time went by
she realized she wasn't used to it
she realized her soul was rotting away

nobody likes to be caught in a storm
nobody wants to drown in the ocean
so they always left her before she ****** them in

a broken little girl wasn't she
a broken girl who would never be able to feel love
since everyone who realized she was broken left

i was told i overwhelmed you
i overshared my problems
the art of self sabotage is quite interesting isn't it

i was too much for you to handle
guess i wasn't good enough
this pathetic cycle of thinking returned once again

i shouldn't let a silly boy determine my worth
my confidence wavers now though
now i question everything, all because you left

i now spend every night
picking at my every flaw
and hating myself for it, wishing i could change

i wish you liked me
the way i liked you
every second my heart is tearing apart
and you don't even seem to care

I shouldn't be feeling this way I know
But every part of my heart beats for you
Every second of every day
All that's on my mind is you

There's a war going on in my heart
The soldiers stomping around the edges of each and every vessel
The voices shouting
But amidst the chaos, all I can think of is how I felt when we looked into each other's eyes

Those eyes of yours, that smile of yours
It feels like paradise whenever I venture into them
Our souls connected in an instant, they quickly became intertwined
And I just can't seem to forget it

you're back
but there's no promises
there's no guarantees
that there can ever be an "us"

my best friend
oh how i miss you
every part of my heart breaks
every time i remember how our friendship ended

we can't be friends without your family knowing
i wish i could take everything back
if you were still in my life
things would be different

my beautiful best friend
how i wish i could go back in time
and cherish those last moments with you longer
i miss you so much

why do i give so much of my heart
to those who just choose to rip it apart
it's exhausting
and i'm tired of it

finally a beam of light shining through
the darkness of the storm
nothing was ever hopeful for her
but when he walked in, he walked in with that light

light travels fast though
just as he did
he left before he could become submerged in the storm
and she's miserable now

i wish you cared
the way i care for you
i wish you'd put in effort
the way i was willing to do
but i guess i wasn't worth it to you

wishing i understood then
the complexity of your trauma
wishing that i wasn't so pushy
that i didn't overwhelm you

i'm sorry that i made you feel that way
i just wanted to understand you
i wish you could come back
just let me help you

i miss you
i miss your voice
i miss your laugh
i miss your presence

but i don't miss you in that way
i don't miss you romantically
i miss you as a person
i miss having you in my life

You're troubled, I know
You have a tough time opening up
There's a lot of trauma you suppress

I wanted to fix you though
I wanted to give you the world
I wanted to be the reason you could see things in a different light

But you ran away
You ended things before we could've grown together
You ended things before there could have been an "us"

You removed me from your private story
You don't talk to me anymore
And I hate it

I know you have no one to talk to about your problems
I know the people in your life don't understand you or care
But I do, and I always will

Why am I so stuck on you?
Because you fit all my standards
Because I saw great potential in us
Because we have such a great chemistry

Why did it end?
I can't put it all into words
You said I overwhelmed you
Gosh, how I wish I could take all those overly personal questions back

Why didn't I think about what I wanted to say before I said it?
Because I'm impulsive
Because I have trust issues
Because your answers determined if I would be able to let my guard down

Why did you leave?
Because you're emotionally unavailable
Because I'm too much for you
Because maybe, just maybe, there was someone else

I said so many things I wish I could take back
I must have suffocated you
I'm too broken, but I warned you from the beginning
You said you weren't going anywhere, but where are you now?

I'm a fool aren't I?
Only 8 days with you
But it felt like 8 years
Only 8 days with you
But I felt more with you than with anyone else
Only 8 days with you
And I feel like a fool for being in misery now

His eyes are like a drug
Every time I look into them I can't stop
We stare into each other's eyes for what feels like an eternity
The comfort and warmth I feel from his eyes is something I never knew I needed

One wrong move and I step into a hole
Not just any hole
A hellhole
Filled with the darkest things anyone can imagine

I'm falling
I'm amidst the air
Crying for help
Please somebody help me

They all just stare
That's all they ever do anyways
They stare as I fall into the never ending pit of doom
Please somebody help me

I'm almost at the bottom
I look down and there is only flames
No one is there to catch me
Please somebody help me

I'm there
I'm staring up at the sky seeing the faces of those I love
All of whom abandoned me
They never helped me

You're the worst person I've ever known
I can't believe I let someone like you into my life
Months have gone by and I still resent you
I just can't get over everything you've done to me