Yes, we have counties
Boundaries and lines
But they’re all faded
Just like us
We have territories
Invisible chalk that we do not cross
For if you cross, prepare to be crossed
Back up, eyes up, guard up
We fight each other
For love. For our beliefs. For loyalty.
We fight for our territory
Yet we protect us. All of us
We shelter us, no exclusions, no exceptions
We are California and we are our own breed.

A picture may be worth a thousand words
But I'll tell you what,
You learn a lot more about a persons character through their words.

I crawled off the Muni
Gagging from too much liquor
Smeared ash from the ground on my face
Sitting next to the Quick Stop, with a quarter of a Miller
I waited for you, Aimee
Someone like you
Innocence that should surround you
You were painted with hues
The roaring of armed pedestrians
A home made of paper and broken glass
You sat next to me for someone to listen
And I was going nowhere fast
I listened and I heard your pain
Too young to know it's not normal
Sweet thing, don't give up
Resist the inevitable
These people will dye your skin new colors
And time will show no mercy
I've waited a lifetime for you to be here with me today
For someone to listen to this advice that I wished someone would have told me.

Break me past my breaking point
Submerge me past the sea line
Suffocate my air, push my limits farther
Make loving you harder
Lace my life with confusion
Paint me a fictitious illusion
Tie my ankles and bind my wrists
Give me something to resist
I dare you to try like you have something to prove
I might just like it so I may just let you.

Yes, it is true
I once believed that I loved you
Just as I once believed in faries

Some nights are really hard
Some are better than others
I don't know why I sit here sometimes
And look at the videos and pictures of us together.
I don't know why I torture myself with the what if's
And wonder what your up to
I think sometimes that I made a huge mistake
Then get ******* remembering what I put you through.
Sometimes I feel like the pain will never leave
Then in an instant I'm mad as hell
Sometimes I feel like I've lost it all
And I just can't control myself.
Some days I think we're better this way
And some nights I wish I could pick up the phone
Call you to come over and have you here with me
Just so I don't feel so alone.
I always feel like I lost my best friend
And I always feel so empty inside
I try to stop myself from remembering
All of the happiness you once brought to my life.
I try to stop myself from feeling regret
And try to justify the things I've done
Trying to make myself hate you
When it came to ******* up I wasn't the only one.
But then I feel so guilty and terrible
Because you loved me so much
And even though I knew it, I couldn't feel it
And I don't know why your love suddenly wasn't enough.
I made you feel like less of a man
And I just try so hard to forget
I try to live past it every day
It kills me to keep thinking back to it.
An empty abyss inside me lingers
And it wants to reach out to you
I can't help but wish you were here
I can't help but feel that I need you.

It just so happens that beauty covers these scars best.

I imagined us. Over and over I saw us.
It was real. It was you. You were real.
...I imagined us

The way we could be. The way we deserve to be.
Free. In love. Happy. It was real. We were real.
...I imagined us.

In a home someplace. Making love and raising babies. Holding hands. Living simple. It was a dream. It was perfect. You would have loved it.
...I imagined us.

Rebel?
Maybe.

Sensitive?
Rarely.

Drunk?
Definitely.

Needing you?
Completely.

My skin that bled for days
And I thought I might drown in such blood
Barley breathing
He came to heal my wounds
My new skin
Covering my lashes and panic
To bring new light.
To bring new hope.
But yesterday I fell
And I scraped my hands and cracked my head open
I sat there and watched the blood run down my body
I watched the blood drip from my mascara painted eyelashes
And my tears made a ****** mess
I tasted like cheap copper
Little by little I faded away
Because my new skin was ruined
And I couldn't see it anymore
My new skin had vanished
All his light
All my hope
He vanished from me and I was forever more just a blood stain on the street

He keeps her photo in his wallet
From all those years back when
They made mistakes and loved each other
In those brief summer months spent

He keeps her photo there for certainty  
To remind him love is real
And even though he threw it all away with her
The picture helps him heal

So many years have past since then
And she was so long ago
She still looks just the way he remembers her
When pulls out that old photo

Sometimes the deepest secrets are told when they think nobody is listening.

This scar on my shoulder reminds me that you were real
Those texts in my old flip phone show me you were here
I hear your laugh in my head
And see your eyes when I look in the mirror
I can still feel your body heat
Like you never left

She said she loved you
And your stare was empty
Your heart couldn't feel
Your eyes couldn't see
The love she had
Was more than you deserved
And yet she loved you
More than words

I called for an elevator today
I walked in and didn't press a floor
I wished it would take me to a place far away from here
As it gently shut its doors.
I closed my eyes as it lifted me
Gliding past hallways and empty suites
Thinking of the me and you I hoped for us
The me and you we used to be.

The "I love you" 's and "I promise"
The dreams of the future and hope for tomorrow
The smiles and the laughter
The holidays and all the family videos...

We don't forget, we only embrace
Now that it's all over I seem to miss those days..
Now that you've gone and I let go of my hate
I wake up sometimes still seeing your face...
I tell you I miss you
And you become so enraged
You scream at me and swear
That I'm just playing games...

Where have you been
I haven't heard your voice in what feels like decades
Have you been near love?
I haven't felt this distant from you since I've seen your face

Stuck in time, frozen in memory
You stay...

I hate to close my eyes
Because I see your eyes
And I feel your warmth
I hear you tell me there's no one else that you're meant to be with in this moment

I hate to dream
Because I feel your hand
And I taste your kiss
And my heart beats out of my chest in sync with yours

In this memory world, I live a life of fictitious smiles that are based on moments. But it feels like a life we could have created. We had it in a second.

Just hold me

I don't need you to promise that you'll love me forever
Or that it will all be alright.
I'm not a child, I understand that the world is cruel and we don't always mean what we say.
I understand that people grow up and grow apart.
I don't need to hear a happy ending
Or a perfect dream.

Just hold me and be silent.
Let me fantasize what it might be like to live in that moment for infinity with you.
If I could exist in a dream, that would be it.

I crumble in your lap
I fall to pieces within your sentences
Dropping every guard
Surrendering to you completely

But you have no idea
Because all of this is internal
And you can't see it
Because I won't let it show
And you can't feel it
Because I don't want you to know

I don't trust me with you
I would fall too hard
Too fast
And maybe never recover

So I silently go through the motion
I'm lifted, on cloud 9 with you
Silently drifting away to another place
While we lay here
Watching bar rescue
And you hold me like I'm never leaving you

Until I need to leave you
I say I'll see you again
But who knows,
Maybe I won't.

Maybe one day I'll finish all of these half started rhymes
When the day comes where I can lay in tulips all day sipping a bottle of wine
When the earth stops spinning and I'm resting on cloud

...   ...    ...   ...

So here's to another, half finished piece
Maybe it'll find you more solace than it ever did me.

Hey guys,

For a long time I kept my poetry to myself. It was the only outlet I had to express my thoughts and feelings. Since finding this site and receiving all of the support from everyone, I've decided to create a website as another outlet to share my work. Mostly everything I've posted on here is there, with a few exceptions.

I'd really love it if you guys would check it out and let me know your thoughts. What you like, what you don't like, etc. I feel like everyone here has been a helping hand in it.

Thanks so much guys! :)

Www.reflectionpoetry.com

He tried to play a girl who knows a thing or two
But his game was hella wack
A miserable rookie trying to play in the big leagues
Looking a lot like Colin Kaepernick
Switching girls the way you switch up gears
Bad timing, stalling from 1 to 2
You're messy and all over the road, boy
You wanna be a player? Well here, let me show you -

I'm sure he's a great
But I don't need a great man

I need chaos and mayhem
I need destruction and ruin
I need defiance and uncertainty

I don't want a great man
Because great men don't want girls like me.

His oil creased fingers
Wiped the blood from my lip
That he knew was from him...
In his oil based hands my neck laid
Slipping into his arms
Falling into his world...
He kissed my stained lips
And I saw the blood drops levitate
Melting into the ceiling
While the oil from his hands painted my body

Come and be my bright light
To illuminate my dark way
Grab my hand and run off with me
Tell me that you need me to stay.

I'm wearing your favorite color today
You know, that one you said always looked best on me
I curled my hair just the way you like
Spent extra time on my makeup and whitened my teeth
I painted my finger nails and did a dance in the mirror
Before I left the house
Listened to all those old tunes we used to sing together
Knowing I won't see you around
I'm wearing your favorite smile today
That one that lights my eyes green
And while I'm thinking about everything except you
I hope your stuck thinking about all of these things on me.

I love you to pieces
But I'm terrified of you
Trembling that I may be blind, that there's something major I'm missing...
You seem just too good to be true.

I ponder for hours late at night wondering
What could there possibly be?
Your flaw, of course, your skeleton in your closet...
What is it that you haven't told me?

Something that would surely scare me off,
Something I couldn't possibly tolerate,
Please baby, if there's something you're holding back...
Tell me now, don't be afraid.

You see, I love you to pieces darling
But I'm terrified of you,
Terrified I may learn something that would tear me to pieces...
Something terrible about you.

I just do.
Because I don't have another way.
My daughter needs a strong mommy
And so I fight these battles every day.
I do what I do because
My mom never did for me
I wasn't a good enough reason
For her to be happy.
I didn't make her smile enough
For her to love me over men
And I'd always give her another chance
Hoping each time would be different.
She was notorious for the best promises
She really had some good ideas
But she was too depressed to leave her room
So we never did any of those things.
I always wanted to know what it was like
To have a mother who would do anything for me
But she always wanted to know what it was like
To leave this life and be set free.

From the moment I saw you
I knew you would be the death of me

...and I would let you be.

I'm humbled by the storm
It's a reminder that I am not in complete control,
That there are forces that shape my destiny
And outcomes in which I do not plan for.
I close my eyes listening to the pitter patter on my porch
And check in on the water flow that fills the trenches.
I surrender to Mother Nature and bend to her will,
I am grateful for this magnificent life I am blessed to live.

If we were all individually perfect
Then we wouldn't need each other

Your silence had me running
Fearing I may find an abandoned apartment when I reached your address.
Flashing images of our nights in your kitchen,
Our passionate moments on your counters and against your furnishings,
Our bare feet caressing each other,
Our ideas floating through the air,
Your hands holding me so tight,
The way you love to make me laugh and play your little games with my mind like children,
Your playful touch across my skin,
Your eyes as you watch me gaze off into that place that I often visit in my mind. But I still see you....
I was afraid to find you gone

I reached your doorstep
My hair drenched from the rain
My breath heavy
My nose wet and cold,
Hands shaking, finding the most difficulty knocking on your door
Which sounded more like pounding...
Hardly moments went by and you opened.
I leaped into your arms and wept
You stood there, warm as I had ever felt,
Stronger than I ever realized I admired so much
You asked about my troubles and I could not speak...
I had so much courage to run here and beg you to stay,
Convince you that I need you with me,
I thought of scenarios to try and make you believe that leaving would be the worst mistake...
But now that I face you, I am weak. I am voiceless.
I crave to never let you go and tell you how much I want you here, but I can't.
I know that you leaving means a better life for yourself
And that holding you back would be the most selfish act,
And that you would never forgive me for it.
But most of all, I fear that if I confessed all of my troubled mind to you- you would still decide to leave. And in facing that, I may just come apart and never recover.

Knock, knock;
Hollow and empty
You can come back another day if you want
But you'll still find nothing.

"Call me when you feel better"

I'll never feel well enough to call you again.

Getting older, learning to burry the past
Looking for men who may heal me fast
Found myself in bad situations, the kind that wake me from my sleep
When all I ever wanted was someone to love me
Bare hands kept me silent
No matter how far I go, I can't run from it

No nightmares again he said, and we close our eyes
But still I wake at 3am fighting the Demond's in the night.

Your kisses
Are all over my brain
I think of them and I think of you
Suddenly, I can think straight

I think of your hands
How they caress me and embrace me
They force me to do things that I love to do
That I know you love too
They don't let go
And I never want you to

...I'm coming over.

Vintage baby
With your 519 Levi's and high tops
Slicked hair, don't care
Soft eyes you risen angel
Vintage baby
You got me
Yeah, you got me
You got me good
I got it bad
Watching you against your '67 Camero  
Slowly ashing away your drag

You've always got some pretty little thing
Mid week comes and she has a new name
You're rugged baby
Made for heartache, a physical heart break
Modern day Greaser
The baddest in the school
I wonder about you as I sun bathe in my pool
Walking home or running from basic
Good girl I stay but watching you is toxic
Give me a chance baby, I promise you'd like it
Turn a good girl into a terrible classic babe
I promise you'd like it

One single word
One individual thought
One run-on sentence
One simple sigh
One delicate touch
One dark feeling
One fragile moment
One broken memory
One piece of my soul
One fragment of my being...

I could finally feel whole.

You say "I love you"
Because that's what my necklace says
And you just read it to me.

You say "I love you"
When you're drunk with your arms around me
And we wander the streets at night.

You say "I love you"
With laughter in your voice
When I make you laugh until it hurts.

You say "I love you"
When you confess your secrets to me
And I am here to listen and help you through what you're feeling.

Why do you do that to me?

Sweet as candy, lemon squeeze
I religiously take 2 sugar cubes in my morning tea
Unless it is Sunday, then I have 3
But I lose track of days so I always take 3
I dye my hair white so that I can wear organic fleece
Imported from the marketplace in Venice, Italy
I like rainbow sprinkles melted on my Bitto cheese
Would you be so kind to fetch me some, please?
Oh yes, I adore my little castle on the edge of Rimini
I open my kitchen cabinets to feel the salty breeze
I don't ever leave.
My hallways play music so that I can tap dance and sing
In the southwest corridor I lay down to watch the ceiling
Gold on my fingers and diamonds on my feet
I am the queen of my city
And I defy lucidity