It’s that moment,
when you realise that;
your father’s words-
didn’t make sense.
your mother’s worries-
had no weight.

it’s the fear.
that you are above them-
your past heroes,
or enemies

it’s the guilt.
that you start to correct them,
as if you were smarter.
as if you were older.

they punish you for it,
“you are only a child!”
the words ring in your brain,
and they seem to be true.

so this realisation.
this new light of dawn,
has to be covered away.

a silent acknowledgement,
of all growing children in the world.

you’re so gross.
the way you keep crawling,
no matter how many times I **** you.

it’s disgusting! 
i don’t want to see you,
you ***** little caterpillar.
stay in your cocoon.

but, i guess,
i’m the disgusting one, aren’t i?
since i, too, want to see you,
grow your wings and fly.

so let’s sit down,
caterpillar of mine,
and wallow in pain
together.

I can’t get you out of my head.
even though your eyes,
have already told me the truth.
yet part of my being still screams;
you are the one.

why do you hate me so much?
and why can’t I amend the past,
when all I ever wanted was you-
and the future I’ve dreamed of
so many times before.

it’s maddening,
to dream of you when I know
you dream not of me.

we share no glances,
no conversations, and such
just the occasional pass-by
and the longing I slip out of my mouth,
along with the scorn you say back.

i hate it. i hate you
yet here I am, thinking about you
please just rid the future in my mind,
and stay in the past where you belong.

ease the pain of my present being.
and let me free from the chains I built.

i hate it,
that you gaze upon another
while i’m sitting here, upon you,
as just another bother

i know i’m nothing,
you even say it’s true
it’s sickening
that I keep thinking about you.

i’ve given up too many times.
years of waiting, uneventful
i hate it as much as i hate him,
but i don’t want to hate you too

i want to shower you with love,
with appreciation and wonder.
but i don’t think thats possible,
with you like you are now.

so leave me be, as I stay in deep.
roam in my head, again once more
trying to find another connection,
this wall i’ve built, now torn.

i tried so hard, yet effort wasted
my love so wide, yet don’t value a ton
these months have felt like centuries,
and now they amount to none.

you’re gone, i have to accept that.
and we’re done, i have to move on.
so as i walk away, my head still down,
will i ever find another one?

The candle's dimmed so low,
and the wind’s starting to grow
I thought it’d be a lonely night,
so why do I feel alright?

our bridges didn’t burn down,
you didn’t set my heart ablaze
why was I so afraid,
if you’re still going to stay?

nothing has changed,
and i can’t believe it’s so
i thought you’d run away...
again, you make me feel this way

unpredictable, exciting,
yet so gentle in my heart.
I’ll accept this denouement.
this gentle end, apart.

even great empires,
must fall down some day
but i’d never imagine
it would end up this way

the candle; dimmed low
has finally burned down
the ties have been broken
and at night, there’s no sound

for you’ve left me, it’s true
and time-to-time, tears do fall
yet my eyes still shine bright,
and i still do stand tall

so, my dear love,
i must confess to you this

i’ll keep living on
and find my own form of bliss

Red ants crawl up my skin
biting away what’s left
I thought I was fine by now
I thought I wasn’t scared of ants anymore

My breathings gone hard
Eyelids daring to close at anytime
I can’t go now
but I can’t let them take all of it away

I can't.

the candle flickers,
yet the lion’s roar grows
the wind blows slightly,
yet even the wise owl knows

that the fire of the forest,
the ever burning light
would always start small
yet grow ever so bright

as the wolves stop to howl,
and the cocoons start to crack
the old man looks out the window,
wondering what it is that he lacks

I’ve always hated winter.
That sharp cold wind blowing upon my skin
The violent crunch below my boots
As I watch my every step

Yet like all things,
A season is just a season
And what must come must go
Yet even the most futile things,
I try to hold on so desperately

Like a frayed rope,
Begging to tear apart,
My palms turn red with desperation
As my arms refuse to give out

Why put effort in fragile things?
Fragile things break apart and leave you
Until you yourself become fragile
And break apart as well

A crescendo is nearing!
the metronome’s gone haywire!
It’s impossible to stop it
The desire, oh the desire...

Clockwise, I’m certain,
that the whole world should
already be as usual.
Yet it keeps spinning faster!
- and faster!
A crescendo is indeed nearing!

The sun and moon are dancing.
Yet their paces are unmatched, so-
who will be there to slow it down?
Noone! It seems!

The-
never ending,
never stopping,
never resting,
never slowing down,
need.

even the atmosphere,
can’t protect me
when i’m away from you.
like a planet, revolving,
I always come back so soon.

even gravity,
just can’t pull me
away from you.
in the end,
like a planet,
my love’s through and through

it keeps spinning.
the record of,
the same old tune.
when I come by
like a rocket,
i’m over the moon

forget-me-nots,
or petunias,
there’s so much-
I want to convey.
in the end,
like planets,
I’ll always get back
to you.

A day spent under the sun,
Only for it to wallow back into its cave
The feeling on my skin still on fire
With that touch you gave me that day

But once sunlight passes,
And the cold dry winds start to blow
my shoulders dip down slowly
The doubt in my mind melts like snow

Your eyes start to feel kinder,
with words that strike like a blunt knife
An old familiar feeling wells in my stomach
I wonder if you'd like to be in my life

But once clockwork resumes,
And sleep wells up in your eyes
I look towards the door, and we part ways,
Under the cool darkness of the night skies

Like a lowly lit candle, it simmers and brews,
Yet the feeling is soon vanished,
When the morrow comes creeping through

A merry go round of feelings,
With a thousand faces upon your skin
We both know we'll never get along
But I don't want to look back and think of what we could've been

Perhaps one day, under the lack of stars in the sky,
As we part ways- I take your hand in mine
And ask you to stay longer, just for a little while
Then you'd look into my eyes, searching for a sign

And maybe you'd find out that I'm lonely
Begging for a flame to warm me at night
And just maybe you'd say "alright"
Cause maybe we were both lonely

That silent summer night

“Ever-shining star,
so innocent,
yet so bizarre-
how do you shine so bright?”

well,
if I told you,
that it’s burning-
hot, vile and untamed
would you still really love me,
the same?

bright light,
glowing your day.
my pulse,
steadying your nerves.
if I told you, I wanted more,
would you run away?

like the stars in the sky;
so lonely, yet so near,
is it selfish, to want to be…
closer to you?

The wind blows south
-and it all falls down.
Where’d it go?
My empire of cards.

The queen’s been beheaded!
and so, if I read it,
I’d still be in court,
as of now.

The king’s gone to rest,
while the ace’s gone wild.
His mighty staff,
crumpled and thrown-

The seconds are ticking,
the cat’s eyes gone round.
May I please have,
just one more round?

The sheet has gone dull,
while the sign is now null.
Oh what can I do, but just cry!

The queen’s been beheaded,
and the king’s gone to rest,
while the ace’s gone terribly wild!
There is no redemption,
and there is nothing worthwhile,
In this world of fallen cards.

it’s an undercurrent
simmering below the simple gestures
stares that linger a bit too long
touches with no apparent reason
odd questions just to hear my voice
i feel it.
the undercurrent of your attention
slow yet there
small but rising
i’m not stupid.
i know it’s nothing.
the undercurrent is scented with doubt.
as always.
doubt, curiosity, estrangement
just a simple **** on my shoulder.
it may wash away or it may grow.
i don’t know if it will overflow.

i won’t wait for years.
(but i will keep my eyes on you)

Every so often,
That same dark fur appears again
Crawling around the bright green benches,
It reaches for the nearest bin
To eat the remains of what once was

Under the shade of an autumn’s day,
People whom I don’t know walk pass
Their eyes seem to linger for a second too long,
Onto the lonesome being known as me

But you,
The single black cat who searches for scraps,
Are my only acquaintance in this strange routine
You never reach me, nor I reach you
Yet I do try

Though perhaps you’ve chosen to ignore that
And I place no blame upon your small shoulders
We are simply two interlopers,
Interwoven in this society where we do not belong

So, dear black cat,
Whomst name I do not know,
Come linger a little longer,
In my futile attempt

To belong.

Summer wind blows,
and the humid air stays put.
a single white cat,
walks in the alley towards me

the cat’s eyes locked with my own.
squinted, and unblinking.
reaching out, I patted his fur.
he didn’t move.

a choir of the city traffic crosses by,
as I stood upon the single white cat.
soon, the minutes passes,
and the cat leaves me, once more.

alone and unbothered,
the white cat walked away
over the cobblestone surface
under the endless blue sky

Winter wind blows,
and the humid air stays put.
the single white cat,
walks in the alley towards me