Her deep brown eyes were now achromic

I craved her love but she was bent on straight needles. Constantly needing reminders that she's still human and can feel, still putting up barriers between her and her evils. Seeing the man up on the steeple she knows her attempts are feeble

Constantly misguided by the Christian belief that acceptance was key to the question of "am I worth it"

We use to talk but now you're aphasic

She was in a dreamland where voices were something to be tasted she was so anesthetized from these pills that were prescribed to help her dream but nothing could be prescribed to help her wake

It was like seeing the sun go away but not being replaced by the moon

I was just hoping it was a phase that would pass and she would return without a trace of the past but this hope was as empty as these bottles
These feeling so corrupted
These words so unheard

Like a wolf howling only to be answered by a vacant night

And it doesn't matter how much I beg and fight
She tightens her grip on her defenses like the band on her arm
But still leaving her defenseless to her emotions

That might as well be where she is 6 feet under a pile of broken dreams and wondering beams of support that holds up her house of sanity with a vanity of broken images of who she hates the most.

She's caught between a lake of fire and limbo, on a tipping scale one once from destruction

I know I can't bring the sun back but maybe I can find a new light in this darkness.

Because she was something I always wanted more of

I twitch when I wasn't around her
I would get the shakes from just one kiss
I would get drunk off her smile and high off her words
We both overdosed on something
Because this love .... was never labeled a drug.

I’m a  poet..
Metaphors are supposed to be my best friend
And similes my family
With them I can paint a picture with a single line.
But when it comes to you…
I’m speechless
I’m afraid
I’m losing my mind
I might as well be attempting to joust with a pool noodle
Or attempt to go sky diving with a fishing net
Because with you…
Hearts are just like promises …. Broken
I love you and I’m sorry are like a political agenda just worn from repetition, repetition, repetition. But never solving the actual problem.
Memories become gravestones dug deep inside our minds
And seeing each other is like looking in a mirror and seeing what you promised you would never become
I’m a poet
Yet every picture I paint only ends up in your garbage
Every mosaic I meticulously piece together you gather your friends and mock
I even tried origami, only to have you set the paper ablaze
So my pen being my confession and the page my priest. I lay this to rest
Because I finally accepted
Im not a poet
Im just the punchline on the tombstones.

My feeling for you are not some lego house that you can break apart and rearrange at your leisure.
They are more like a glass house. Something that took meticulous time to create.
A glass house that has been
Cracked
Chipped
Shattered
And glued back together
Again
Again
And again
With every crack is your attempt to push me away but I refused to break
Every chip was a time when you managed to hurt me
And every shatter was when I finally broke
but your glue was one sentence of 3 words
… the biggest lie you ever told me
But I keep repeating this process again and again
Hoping that the shattering will stop.
But until then I’m still here
Because the beautiful thing about glass is that every crack is visible so that the past cant be denied.

I could waste time writing a Christmas list explaining everything I want.
I could run around hanging mistletoe everywhere in hopes to get lucky
But instead I’m just gonna tell you straight.
I would rename stars mistletoe that way I would have a reason to kiss you every night.
Because waking next to you is my Christmas morning that I get to live every day.
Youre my Rudolph… you may have things that you just don’t like about yourself … but im sorry *** that’s what makes you unique. That’s why I love you. Because there is no one like you.
So if our love isn’t worth it anymore. Then I only ask for one thing… wrap up my heart and give it back.
Because before I met you I was a Grinch, my heart was two different sizes
Half of it being beaten purple by my own thoughts, and the other still hopeful someone would come along
But if this love is everything it is to you as it is to me
Then I only ask for one thing
Never stop kissing me under the mistletoe
And I promise that I will never stop loving you.
To make myself clear
I don’t want the Christmas mornings to ever stop
The only gift I wanna give you is my last name
So just say you’ll be mine.

When I was younger I never understood why my grandmother would lecture me so much
I’d wake up and she would be there
What’s step #1?
Make the bed, and thank God you’re not dead
What’s step #2?
Make sure you have enough to eat, so you can move your feet
What’s step #3
Respect is earned, that’s something you’ll learn.
What’s step #4
There no need to be mean, but you always have to be clean.  
What’s Step #5
Act out of love because it’s a test, the lord will take care of the rest.

I never quite got the hang of making the bed but I always did my best.
Sometimes I was frustrated with the steps and asked why they mattered
She said Mijo, they are directions so you can find your way home.
I don’t think she realized we were standing in our own home
As she grew wiser, I got older
And that’s when she added the rest.

What’s Step#6  
Work hard, so you can prove you’re not a worthless lard
What’s Step #7
Remember where you came from, even if it isn’t a kingdom
What’s Step #8
If you want a girl to say I do, every day you must show her I love you
What’s Step#9
Family is the start, never let it drift apart
What’s Step#10
Memories are your best friend, because they will be there till the end.
I thought she would live forever
She never lost a step
But I was wrong
She had some aches and pains
And she ended up in a hospital room
Her face grew pale, and her body frail
I asked why the doctors weren’t helping her anymore, its cuz she was stage four.
They sent her home on a bed where she stayed
My angel who could once fly, had her wings sheared off
Her eyes became grey, and she could barely breathe where she lay.
The hospice nurse said this was it
Her breathes became shaky
Her eyes began to close
Her heart began to stutter
I took her hand one last time, and I begged her to stay
Grandma please don’t go, I need you always
She pulled me closer and whispered
No mijo, I found my way home.

Her casket was white
Her final dress was black
The entire day was grey
We buried her by her mother and grandmother
Everyone said their final goodbye
But I stayed behind
I placed one hand over her tomb
And I asked “grandma what am I to do”
And I swear I heard the wind whisper
What’s step #1
And she’s been guiding me home ever since.

I'm afraid of waking up with amnesia
I don't want to forget a thing about you
the way you would rest your head on my chest
how your voice sounded when you first awoke
how my shirts always looked better on you then they did on me
or how you said my name
i want to remember the little things we did
like driving to get midnight snacks
meeting under a full moon
walking along the beach
watching vine videos till our sides hurt and we couldn't breath
talking about things we love and hate about each other at 4 in the morning
I don't want to forget
I'm afraid to forget

I wish you would wake up with amnesia
that way you would forget about all the excuses of why we shouldnt be together.
that way i would get to meet you for the first time again and again
I would find different ways to make you smile
find out something new about you every single day
I would be able to relive all of our favorite moments together
I'd know your favorite things without you having to tell me
You'd feel like I've known you our entire life even though we just met
It'd be like 50 first dates although I'd find 50 different ways to make you fall for me
Every day would lead to something new
and every single day would end with I love you

but the only thing that I cant get out of my mind is the time you said Goodbye.

I'm afraid of waking up with amnesia
I don't want to forget
I'm afraid you'll forget me.

And to you, just know
That my final breaths are not me still trying to live
It’s just I have nothing more to leave you.

I am fatal
I am consuming
I am fear
I am stage 4
I am your cancer

I'm what's slowly killing you
I'm the pain that comes back after every remission
I'm what causes you to cut pieces of yourself out
I am your cancer

I'm the sleepless night
I'm the dead feeling
I'm the reason for the pills
I'm the tumor in your head
I am your cancer

Cut me out and be survivor
Leave your cancer behind
I am your cancer

With our last kiss, I think you took my love.
With our last embrace I think you stole my heart.
With our last goodbye I think you kidnaped my mind.
Because I can’t love another and my inside are like these bottles …. Empty, and I think I lost my mind.
I miss the dimple on your left cheek because it was only visible when you smiled
I miss your voice because it always led me home
I miss the soft brown eyes that could see straight through me
I miss those 4pm texts saying good morning cuz you knew where I was
I miss those late night calls talking about absolutely nothing but just to hear each other
I miss the looks you gave me when I say everything wrong
I miss the touch of your lips against mine when I say everything right
I miss when you would tuck your head under my chin and it just seemed like the perfect fit
I miss waking up to you
I miss you
I look back down the road at all the arguments and problems we had, and I noticed one constant theme
It was me
I ruined a lot of things
I made a lot of mistakes but taking you for granite was the biggest one
I enjoyed the 465 days with you
I want 1,000 more
I realized what I want
I realized what I had
I realized what I lost
Many people don’t believe in second chances
But that doesn’t matter because all that matters is
Do you?

I woke up on your side of the bed this morning... it was empty
2. I cut myself while shaving cuz you didn't attack me with Barbasol like you usually do
3. I cut myself while shaving again to try and wake myself up
4. This is real life
5. I looked through our old pictures
6. I couldn't breathe
7. I dialed your number
8. I hung up
9. Your favorite song came on
10. I sang along
11-50 are things I'm sorry for
51-70 are things we never did
71-97 are how many apologies I've worked on
98. Even though I have a heart of stone you'll find your name engraved on it
99. I still love you
100. Its time to come home

Dear brother,
You were taken from us too soon
Things are different with you gone
But not for a second have you been forgotten
You were as kind as could be, even to strangers
You showed respect to those who spat in your face
You were as patient as an empty handed fisherman
You had the courage of a man who flat-lined to the other side and back
And you had the love of the family
It was a normal day and it was out of your control you were merely a passenger along for the ride at the wrong time
It shouldn’t have happened to you
It was the one time you took off of work to celebrate your birthday
And now everyone remembers it
Because you receive the tears of a nation
And the prayers of the world
September 11, Happy Birthday brother
You were taken from us too soon
Things are different with you gone
But not for a second have you been forgotten

Our faces were less than inches apart.
I’m not a bomb technician so I didn’t know how to diffuse the situation
So instead of cutting wires I cut to the chase
If this action caused an explosion that is a good thing right?
I’m not talking about the kiss in the rain that concludes the story
But one that signals the beginning of A lifetime
I began to close the inches that seemed like trying to Cross an ocean while holding your breath
I didn’t think I could Hold my breath any longer, I thought I might pass out, But that’s when my lips were enkindled by yours
No fireworks shot off, no music was played, no magic fairy dust was sprinkled
But Trust me … this was deeper than any film could portray
Because in that moment my lips were tattooed with an addiction.
I got to open my eyes into yours and know they saw my intentions my perfections and even my imperfections and know you belonged to me.
And only left with the question … do I kiss her again
And the answer is always yes.

She's that girl
Always one to care

Especially good at knowing when to put a comma here and a period there

Always one to share
She even judges fair

She's that girl

One who can who hold a secret
Yet one who shares some gossip

One who can out smart you
And knows she can

One who loves to lead
But knows when to follow

She has a heart of lion
Fierce but able to be tamed by the right hand from the right man

And will no doubt follow her own path set in life
And allow others to walk it after she has paved it

Because she's that girl

Moon oh moon
Bring back those nights and higher tides

Drifting my love closer to shore
Instead of taking her away

Moon oh moon
Light the path we once walked together

Guiding us safely home

Moon oh moon

When you see my lover tonight
Tell her I said goodnight

My heart is trapped behind a ribcage not some simple door
So forget your key and bring the chainsaw

My best friend is someone who always tell me the truth
We fight
We dance
We laugh
We shout
We smile
We get into trouble
We get each other out of trouble
She knows my moods just by a look
She knows when I'm hungry just by a sound
She knows when I'm weak just by a touch
She knows me
I love the way her eyes catch fire when she smiles
Or how she always covers her mouth when she laughs
Or the face she makes when she knows she's right
The way she tucks her hair behind her ear
Or when she braids her hair
How smooth her skin is
How I can't stop thinking about her when she isn't even mine
**** .... I made the mistake of falling for my best friend

The scars on my skin come from my own hands
But the memories in my head are out of my control
My feelings are numbed
But this blade makes me feel something
It won't tell me a lie
It won't tell me its something its not
It gets straight to the point
It separates the truth from the lies
It lets me feel something
The scares on my skin will fade
But the memories in my head will never subside.

When one of your own is taken
It is natural to take someone In return
However when you scream race hate and turn around and burn down a town
You will never be treated as people but at as a problem
Now is not the time to riot, it is the time to reunite as a people
It is time to seek justice through a noble cause
It is time to make your voices heard without using fists
It is time to stand as one
Don't perish a boys memory with misdeeds and greed and burning violence
Honor it by banding together and offer a solution by peaceful means of absolute candor
Don't riot
Reunite

We are not ourselves
We are merely mosaics with pieces from the people around you

I have my mothers eyes
They see quick through the lies

I have my fathers smile
Its one of child that refuses to die

I have my grandfathers thick skin
It protects my being

I have my grandmothers hands
They are gentle and firm

I have a cops ears
Because I've heard just about every insult

I have a blind mans walk
Because I'm afraid of choosing a direction

I am made up of many different parts stitched together with laws, morals, and beliefs and within was placed a heart of my own. I was stapled shut by a divine power and left to dwell in this world

But it is up to everyone here
The Frankenstein's of the world
Will you add a piece to me to better or worsen me
Am I a monster or a creation.

nerd, dork, no life
Dorks my favorite because practically its my name now
I'm usually buried in a book and I usually. Get asked what's the point?
Honestly I think it'll make me a better lover

Because when I find a girl I'll be able to teach her about science so she can understand the bond that I feel for her
I'll be able to teach her about math so we can view love at a different angel
I'll be able to teach her about history so she'll understand when I say that if my love were to flow into the ocean it would make BP's 2010 incident look like a drop of black paint on a canvas of red
I'll be able to teach her about English especially present participles you know running, jumping, skipping words that describe an action that's ongoing that's why she'll never hear me say I love you but hear I'm Loving you
I'll be able to teach her about art because id love to paint her like one of my French girls

And even thought I'm buried in books there is still so much I don't know about human interactions
she'll be able to teach me about sadness and how to make it go away
she'll be able to teach me about happiness and how to make it stay
she'll be able to teach me about jealousy and how its like a fire that will burn you from the inside out
she'll be able to teach me about lust and how it always leads to disaster
she'll be able to teach me about loyalty and how its the key to perfection

But all this day dreaming was interrupted by my daily bully whose only words were insults
I gave him a look that if I were superman would've left a gap between his eyes
He asked what I thought of him
So I explained..
Well scientifically speaking you and beauty are like a magnet with the same charge
Mathematically speaking your ego is like the number 5i .. imaginary
Historically speaking how you manage to speak with a lack of a brain is the 8th wonder of the world
But in plain old English you're always looking for someone to actually love you back

And by the way its Mr. Dork to you

I walked into my daughters room the other day and she was painting her skin white

I looked at her and asked Mija que es esto
She looked back at me, "No daddy English!, I don't want them to realize I'm different , I just wanna be like everyone else"

I found out that the other kids at school would only talk to her if something was dropped, spilled, or broken because her skin was the same color as the janitors

So the kids that told my girl she was ugly cuz she's brown
She tried to be more like you but I'll live to make sure she never sinks that low
There is so much more color to her then you'll ever know
I witnessed blue rivers run down her face, but once she thought she was the problem I witnessed red rivers run down her arm
I heard her speech change from Como Estas usted to how are you sir
You changed and took my daughter from me

The moment I pulled her to a different School and away from you her true colors began to show
She smiles the brightest of white
Her caramel colored eyes always find the sweetest things in life

So to the kids that told my girl she's ugly cuz she's brown
I hope you live forever
So you can watch everything around you whither and die
You'll never be able to love because you'll always fear having to let go
So when your world turns as black as your hearts
The only way you'll find peace is when you find yourself gnawing at the end of a barrel... which you will
When you finally pull that trigger that has been pulled by your misdeeds
I hope you realize the color of the dirt your buried in
Then as your buying in hell right next to me... yes I'll be there to for all this hate I wished upon you
And we will burn till your skin is the same color as mine
To the people that called my daughter ugly cuz she's brown

She forgave you.

teacher teacher can't you see
These equations mean nothing to me

Everyone is working to get a college degree but what is the point in a hopeless society

If the pen is mightier than the sword then why is the government more interested in funding kids that can fire than kids that can be hired?

We learned many different subjects in many different language but somehow skipped over the lessons of content and respect

Because this sea of greed is causing a flood of wars and when the water recedes the only thing that is left is the bodies of young soldiers to be
Buried by their fathers
Mourned by their mothers
Remembered by their wives
And only a story to their child

They'll probably hear that your father died a hero for his country but will not hear that his country only knew him by his dog tag

And that same kid will go into the same education system that doesn't care about individual success

The term no child left behind only means that standards will never be raised because its easier to just pass someone along then to try and teach them mathematics, science, English, and history but I bet they know the pledge of allegiance

We need to stop teaching our young to respect our elders period.
But teach them that respect is something earned

That it is okay to question authority
That its okay to be the only one standing for what you believe in
That learning is more important that fitting in

Because the blind loyalty of a flag will have you gushing red , trying to cover it in white , and leaving your body blue
And there is no cover in death you're buried in a black box under brown dirt

So ask why the government is so willing to supply us with weapons a thousand mile from home but there always seems to be a shortage of calculators in a classroom

So how are we suppose to be blindly loyal to big brother who will already have his hand in our pocket for our paycheck but won't tell us where its really going

So question authority, but love thy country to form a more perfect union, establish justice , and sure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our prosperity because it is us that hold the power of the United States but only if you are willing to go against the current and not be buried under the sea.

Why cant I get you off my mind?
Is it cuz maybe you're thinking of me too?
Or is it just my wishful thinking?

But why are you on my mind instead of being by my side?
Sometimes these few miles seem like light years
And sometimes these hours feel like decades

But most of these memories are like bleeding a snake bite
So painful yet so relieving
Because I love thinking about you but I hate missing you

And every time I see you my eyes try and capture your image and infuse it in the back of my mind but I might as well be blind cuz I can't remember what just friends looks like

And sometimes I think of calling you but my heartbeat is as indecisive as my mind beating yes... no... yes... no ... yes.... no
And sometimes my heart has a mind of its own , even though that's something you already know

And every time your skin grazes mine my skin tingle
With false expectations and hopeless anticipation
But mostly its trying to entrap the warmth of your touch
But I might as well be numb because I can't remember what love feels like

At time I think of reaching out to touch you but my courage is just like the air in my lungs, sometimes it just escapes me

They say my mind wonders but I know where its going and that's to you

And most days I just want to hear you say my name
But every time I hear you my ears are trying to absorb your words
But I might as well be deaf because I don't know what honesty sounds like

And sometimes I try and talk to you but my tongue gets tangled like headphones in a pocket
And I can't get you off my mind
And I'm hoping its cuz you're thinking of me too

But my heart is like a home cuz when you're gone its never whole
But that's something you already know

And maybe one day I'll have the
sight to see you
The air to say I love you
The courage to hold you
And the blessing to hear you
But maybe its my wishful thinking

But I'm thinking of you

I remember the first time I gazed into your eyes
They were something magnificent
They sparkled they dazzled they danced and they burned with a passion
They didn't just look at me they saw me ... the real me

I remember the time our hands first interlocked and my heart literally locked onto you
I memorized your heart beat and my smile became synced to it
So that's why you're always a chance I wish to repeat

So maybe we weren't given a forever
But the time with you was enough to make me believe in one
And God forgive me but I curse you for taking her from me even thought she was an angel of your creation that was carved from my imagination.

But love isn't some song that you can just put on pause
But our love is something that I wish to repeat

I miss the sound of your heart beat

The way you would run your fingers through my hair
How you smiled when you first awoke
Or how you simply didn't want to get out of bed
I miss my spot beside you
now I lay in my bed with the ghost of you
I could call you but would you answer ?
I need you here
but its my own selfish desire
but tell me dear , how does your heartbeat sound when im not around

Darling, can I just have a moment of your time
I promise it won't take long
I know you're busy but
I love you
Darling, can I have more of your time
I just need to see you
You don't have to stay long
I love you
Darling, can I be your time
I only want you
Just stay forever
I love you
Darling, ... darling???
I wanted to be your forever
Only yours
I loved you

Its a sign of affection
An act of trust

Somehow its been abused and over used
As an action triggered by lust

Kiss after kiss
Do you even feel a thing?

They say forever can be tasted on the lips for who your would was meant for

So how many never have you tasted? How many souls have been pushed away by the touch of your lips?

Should I be envious that so many have gotten to try and taste your forever? Or should I be thankful that none have been granted that pleasure? Or should I be afraid that I too will never taste your forever?

Because every tear that has rolled over your trembling lips has been caused by a never, that never should have happened.

Now call me a fool but is it better to always be there to wipe away every tear or to take the small chance and hope that you're the one that can forever stop them

Am I reaching for something that's just out of my grasp? Or am I just not grasping something within my reach?

But the beautiful thing about a forever is that it has to start somewhere and somewhere has to be caused by someone , however you can add up all who have tried giving you the sum but leaving you with the question of "whose the one?"

Leaving me with the question

Am I the One ?

stab push lift pour

stab push lift pour

a ghost of memories past

a small boy no older than 12

he had curly black hair just like mine

he had brown eyes just like mine

he looked just like me

but thats because he had a last name ... just like mine

this was no tragic accident

but a carefully crafted punishment of a young boys mind

and the piece by piece fragmentation of his soul

every hurtful word, every disgusted look, every should turned

slowly braided itself together to form a string of ideas

every moment of hurt, every memory of pain, every day of neglect

slowly looped itself around him and knotted everything together

as if it was a gift of a ticking time bomb, wrapped in images you wish to forget, topped off with a bow of stripped and flattened emotions , signed with a card that simply says ... **** yourself

they say no one is responsible for his death, and the kids who teased him said " I was just joking"

well here's the punch line, i wonder which one of you ran through his mind when he finally kicked the chair out from underneath him

he stepped up on that chair with his final words that should be as historical as "four scores and severn years ago" or as revolutionary as "I HAVE A DREAM"

and hearing his last cries would be like hearing a nuclear warning siren... a scream of an inevitable end

and walking in and seeing his body hanging there like a forgotten halloween decoration was as sickening and heart breaking as seeing a ******* painted in a synagogue

i still keep his noose and i keep it mounted on the front door like a wreath , as if to say

HANG YOUR PRIDE AND OFFER A HELPING HAND BECUASE IT COULD BE THE LIFE LINE SOMEONE NEEDS

please , from a father left incomplete because they are burying a part of me

stab push lift pour

stab push lift pour

He walked away swaying without a care in the world

She was walking straight ahead with a dream in hand

He was a repeat offender
She was on the A honor roll... Again

But as he was fumbling for the keys
She was fixing her midterm paper

Newton once stated that for every action , there is an equal and opposite reaction

So for every bottled he emptied was another application she filled

Every law he broke
Was one she followed

So the beautiful synchronization is that as he was driving , so was she

That as she was making that turn on a green arrow , he was there to run the red light

But in that last symphony...
Tires screeched
Metal crunched
Glass shattered
Blood splattered
Acting as a lullaby to a life that just entered into eternal slumber
But...
He walked away swaying without a care in the world
Because in that moment demons were created and an angel was born

Her soul was cradled just like it was when it entered this world
and sometimes if youre listening closely, you can hear her wings fluttering in the wind as a sound of hope @ your time of need

To the shirtless man who fell asleep holding my girl

Ever since I fell for her I've dreamt of waking up to something beautiful

Something more glorious than a sunrise and more memorable than a sunset

Because its not something beautiful its someone beautiful

so seeing you get to live my fantasy was as if some imaginary trigger had been pulled

I felt the impact on my heart , the compression of my chest , the clenching of my fist , the gritting of my teeth , the churning of my stomach ... I was drowning

Cuz seeing your arm wrapped around her was as sickening as watching a venomous serpent entrench her body daring me to try and approach

But seeing her lay there with no remorse was as scarring as watching a mother sign her kid over to the state

But how can I blame you , you're just a man

Even I was pulled in by her gravity , held slave to her glittering gaze
I know the smell of her perfume and the streaks of her hair
I was paralyzed by her touch as if her hands were the controls to red light green light
I found my hands tracing every outline that made her up
so I can't blame you
Because she is as desirable as that forbidden fruit
And you ARE JUST A MORTAL MAN

But I thank you for living my fantasy
Because of seeing that
I am vindicated in my reality
Because while she was laying with you , I realized im as replaceable as this years iPhone ....
That when waking up to something beautiful you better let them know or they'll be waking up to someone else

You see I have a fear of heights
So when dating you every mile we climbed , the tighter I clench to you

You took me to such great heights that I was on a first name basis with the stars and in competition with the sun because of the way you made me radiate
sorry guys , global warming on me

You see our love was like a storm
It was loud it was booming
It was electric. Some would call it shocking while others are afraid of it. But its something worth chasing

We would dance in the rain just for fun and I would catch the drops that fell from your cheeks cuz I imagined they were pure tears of joy

I'd blow you a kiss in a room full of people just so everyone could see its from me to you and be jealous

We would lay in the cool grass while the breeze rippled through your lips as you whispered goodnight

We would stroll underneath the clouds until one day you passed to the place above them

you see it was a 1 empty bottle mistake , that made 2 cars collide , I woke up 3 days later looking 4 you on the day of our 5 year anniversary only to find out you were 6 feet under

Only to make matters worse was my last gift to you remained in my pocket that night ... Now all it is , is a placeless ring of a never ending circle of pain and regret

You see im afraid of falling because after you left I fell from great heights

But then it hit me and it took me a while to figure it out

Just because you left doesn't mean your gone

You see they buried your body but not your spirit or your memory

I can still feel your presence because

When it pours I dance in the rain hoping to be drench in joy

When I see a shooting star I know its you blowing me a kiss for the world to see and be envious of

And when im standing underneath the starry night , I feel the breeze kissing my skin, I know its you whispering goodnight

When the clouds finally part and the sun comes out I start to radiate

You see love is like lighting , it never strikes twice , so you can never stop chasing the storm

You see I thought I was afraid of heights
I thought I was afraid of falling
But it turns out I was just afraid of realizing ill never being that high again

When i was a young , a man asked what i wanted in my house



i said i wanted a TV so big when i watch a movie its like watching a tennis match

I wanted a couch so big it takes me a week to get to the other end.

i said i wanted a bed so enourmous i have to swim out of it in the morning

i wanted a shower that would adapt to my mood and never run out of hot water

i said i wanted surround sound so what i listen to , the whole neighborhood listens to

i wanted wifi that would follow me

and finally i said i wanted a fridge that was always full



after years of hard work , i got all that , but i feel like the biggest fool ever

because you see what i know now is what i shouldve known then



I didnt want a big screen TV i wanted my life to be like a movie

i didnt want an enourmous couch I just always wanted room for company

and this bed im no longer swimming out of it , im drowning in it becuase there is no reason to leave it

and i wish this showe would was away my sins but it just temperarily relieves my pain

i said i wanted surround sound but what i really wanted to hear was the pitter patter of tiny feet , yelling dad lets play hide n seek

and i wanted wifi to follow me but what i really wanted was just to feel connected

and finally this fridge that is always full, i just wanted a woman whose love would never let me feel empty.



because what i know now is what i wish i knew then

i was chasing a dream and losing reality

and now its just me

just me

Hello my name is well known and will never be forgotten



dont focus on that right now because it is my power over you and your disbelief of it that is important



for example i was strolling through a park and noticed a dove with its hatchlings



so i reached up and grabbed it

and i stroked it , caressing ever feather

then i finally reached for a talon and with a little pressure... snap .. its broken



not a drastic wound , it just make  the bird walk a little gimpy



then i start plucking feathers from its head



next i shatter its left wing and strip it of any feathers. While it chirps in agony , its hatchling watch in fear



then i set it back in its next and come back tomorrow



i find the gruesome bird again and pick it up



This time i stroke down to its legs

and with a little pressure... snap... snap..

no more walking



i being to slowly puck every feather

one by one

but leaving the right wing completly untouched



i clip its singing chords and break its beak shut



i lay it down in the nest surrouned by its hatchling

with only the perfectg wing to remind them of what once was



i wrap my hand around the birds neck squeezing tighter and tighter ... but then i let go and walk away

i mark another tally on my wrist and let time do the rest.



hello my name is cancer

Pain and love

I wish I could separate the two but I don’t want to

Because sometimes this pain is the only thing connecting me to you

The distance doesn’t matter because the pain is always the same

It’s like a drill being placed on my chest and every time it sees you it starts turning burying deeper and deeper inside me.

And this pain is because of love, because I already lost you but I never lost these feelings for you

I love the fact that you’re happy but it hurts cuz it’ll never be with me

I’m jealous of the fact that it’s him even though he’s a mirror of me

I hate the fact that it’s him that reaches your mind first even when you never left mine

I’m angry that you never told me about him, yet I’m fearful of everything else you could be hiding

I’m terrified at the thought of losing you

I’m hoping it ends but I’m praying it doesn’t

It’s like my mind is going to war with itself emotions are charging logic and logic is charging emotions but they’re both being flanked by regret and they all surrender to you...

My words become blurred and my vision becomes slurred and my actions become quiet and my thoughts are screaming

Why is it him?

The eyes that I know are fixed on someone else

The smile that I love is caused by someone else

The laugh that I can sense is because of someone else

The touch that is so enticing is for someone else

The tears that this drill is activated by is being controlled by someone else

But this love for you … this love… no one else comes close … to how I love you

But I am the reason that kept me from loving you

I am the only one that understands

I am the only one that wont stop trying

I am the only one with a hole in his heart

Because I refuse to let go of a love for someone that will never be more than my imagination

Because my actions were left only in my imagination

This love is real … but so is this pain…

I don’t know what else to say

…. But I miss you

My Bonnie lies over the ocean

My Bonnie lies over the sea

She set sail only a couple of days ago

but sadly it was a one way voyage, and I already miss her terribly

But I will always remember her face

Every wrinkle as if they formed sentences that made up the story of her life.

How they were layered under her eyes, and very few under her lips

because she always had a reason to smile and rarely frowned.

Ill remember her eyes, how they saw the world through a different perspective and found an understanding that can only come in time.

Ill remember how her hands were the biggest contradiction because they were so firm when there was a lesson to be learned, yet the most comforting when anyone needed help.

Ill remember her voice, How it kept you on the right path but, if you were lost it was the one that brought you back home.

And I will cherish every lesson she taught me

because

My face already has too many wrinkles under my lips

because my eyes don’t yet understand what they see

because my hands are still learning what they're suppose to do

because my voice hasn't made a difference yet..

and yes this is the last goodbye but know that I am counting the days until the Final Hello

and yes these tears are of full of sorrow

but know that my heart beats of rejoice

because today

my family is more united then ever

because today

we learned the true meaning of happiness

because today

my grandma set foot on the shores of paradise where she was greeted by a man the same way she greeted everyone else “welcome my child, come in, whats mine is yours”

and yes my Bonnie lies over the ocean

and yes my Bonnie lies over the sea

but that’s where she'll stay.. waiting for me,... waiting for you...to come home once more.

I love you Grandma, and I'm on my way

most would call it an asthma attack , i call it letting people share in the moments that take my breath away

but instead of a moment ... it was a woman who made breathing as hard as trying to catch a cab in the middle of rush hour in new york city

i saw myself by her side of every waking moment... but sadly i was the only one with that vision

she was standing above that pit they call the friend zone encouraging me to climb out but as soon as my fingers clenched the edge she would kick me back down but start begging me to climb up again.. and i couldnt stop

It was like being stuck underneath the ocean

im swimming to the surface.. but as soon as i emerge another wave topples me down

but hope floats and these feelings refuse to sink

so keep pushing me down because your air is what i love breathing , i want to keep trying i have to keep trying

its like being burried alive , left only trying to scratch your way through the top of the coffin but once you do , your only burried underneath the dirt again

but im not ready to die

i wanna live by your side

its like being stuck in a vacuum literally having the life ****** out of you

but you can take everything but this heart because you cant take what already belongs to you

but when you have an attack you have an inhaler

and when you cant breath there is always a respirator

but there is no cure for this intoxicating irrational disease called love

but im ready to dive in with no oxygen tank

im ready to knot this noose

im ready to jump without a chute

because the simple thought of you is enough to give me courage

and its strange because im addicted to suffocating

attached to drowning

and in love with pain

hoping for one i love you

to women men are dogs

we need someone to take care of us

we growl when something upsets us

we bark just to show we're the alpha male

we bury or hide our most treasured items

we mark our territory but not in the same way

we will fetch anything a woman desires

we get treats when we do something right

we get sent to the dog house when we do something wrong

we run in circles just because we have no where else to go

now i agree with these statements but im an alpha male and i have my own statements to put forth

when you walk through the that door i go crazy because when youre gone my sense of time is out of whack

ill be loyal to you

ill be your best friend through thick and thin

ill lay by your side cuz thats where i feel most at home

if you go missing ill be the first to start looking for you

if you ever lose your sight i will be there to guide you

if you ever feel like taking a walk just to get away for a while , ill be there

if you feel scared i will be the most protective being out there

but finally the most admirable thing about being a dog is that it is the only animal that will love you more than itself

im willing to help you , but only if youre willing to help yourself

when youre drowning in a sea of sorrow , Ill be the first to jump in after you

funny how no one belives in a life line till theyre the one in the water

im willing to listen, but only if you have something worth saying

when youre muted by insults , my voice will be the one to protect you

its crazy how everyone hates annoying sounds until there is only deafining silence

im willing to never let go but onling if youre willing to hang on

when youre falling ill be the bungee cord that pulls you back up

its terrifying to fall uless you realize something is going to catch you

im willing to be there for you, but only if you let me

when youre forced to walk through hell and back, ill be right beside you

its sad cuz you have a million best friends but find out you only have 1 true friend

im willing to love you but....

but... well thats the thing ill love you unconditionally

in this world i am no longer a person im a number
in school im known by 6 digits
to the government im known by 9
my birth name doesnt matter just the date and the time
to colleges and businesses i am just a risk with a high probabilty of failure
to the law im just a statistic on a page that proves their right about a certain race based on a percentage
to women , men are congruent because all we want is to divide and multiply from you a product of kids we wont raise, right?
and these imaginary numbers are suppose to tell me my maximum potential but based on the color of my skin its just a minimum projection
i dont care what you say the accuracy of these numbers is so far from true
im an algorithm too complex for any human to solve with numbers
my goals are at such a high altitude that not even a space shuttle could reach them
and when i find that one special woman that has been walking parallel to my life that has now become perpindicular so when we intersect we will walk the same line
and she will know that i am X divided by Zero ... undefined , that i can be irrational and impossilbe
but will understand if she tries to solve me with numbers she will crash into a median and find no solution
so life wont get better till we converse in a way that forms a postive correlation , till we start seeing each other as people instead of integers
till we subract the numbers from Algebra and start to form words from the letters
because thats what defines us WORDS ... not numbers

the **** gets the girl
2. because i said so is an unacceptable answer
3. teacher can i go to the bathroom is an unacceptable question
4. in group projects ... trust no one
5. you cant look up the answer
6. if you fail an exam your less than average
7. if the answer if wrong you always have to explain why
8. you find out who youre friends are
9. i wanna go home
10. im always tired
things i learned in life
1. the guy with money gets the girl
2. because i said so starts a fight
3. boss can i go to the bathroom is still an unacceptable question
4. in group projects ... TRUST NO ONE
5. you can always look up the answer
6. if you fail at something they find something you cant
7. if there answer is wrong your not obligated to tell them why
8. you know who your friends are
9. i wanna go home
10. im always tired
but heres what i know
people tell me that education is the key but dont tell me that the door has long been sealed by men's greed
and im considered a problem but they dont understand im a product of a system they created
i wish we were all equal but i know we use each other as step ladders because we all want to be first
but we're taught he who is first shall come last but where does the guy in the middle stand
because to them just because im not dirt poor mens i dont need any aid
because to them just because im not the top of my class means im not worth the investement
so heres to the man who couldnt go to college because he couldnt catch a ball 10x better than everyone else
so heres to the man who couldnt go to college because he made the right decisions in life
so heres to the man who couldnt go to college because his parents actually went before him
but no matter how loud I speak the system wont change because the only thing that talks is money.

3,650 days since the first time ive heard her name you think within that time frame i would know everything about her

but here's something i just noticed she's 5'4 but walks like she 4'5

its a walk with no purpose other than to get away from here

she has eyes that could light up the sky but they never leave the ground

all because 1 boy ruined her perception of beauty

it would explain why she shrugged off every compliment i gave

i tried my hardes to convicne her she was beautiful but she was convinced she was anything but

I am gonna give it one last try so you can see yourself through my eyes

just listen

theres a girl with fine hair the color of the suns glimmering rays just before sunset

with eyes so captivating that if you were handed a map , you would throw it away cuz theres no other place youd rather be lost

A smile that would make a ****** drop his spoon becuase he realized he's missing out on a greater high

lips that probably taste so sweet it makes sugar taste bitter

a body that curves in all the right places it makes a model seem like a manikin

but shes more than just eye candy

she has such a big heart because she does so much for everyone else and expects nothing in return

she has such a sense of humor that she'll laugh at a joke from a child or from a man with his mind in the gutter

she makes me believe God IS TRULY SELFLESS becuase i wouldve kept an angel like her in Heaven

So maybe youre right youre anything but beautiful because beautiful is such an original word to describe such a unique person like you

You're stunning

You're miraculous

You're drop dead goregeous

You're courageous

You're charismatic

You're Pulchritudinous , i didnt even know what the hell that meant until i realized it defined you

I wanna see you walk like you do after you just proved me wrong not like your 5'4 but like your 6'5

and after readign this you better call rehab because all i want is to see your smile

and you better realize that youve been looking in a mirror of lies , holding on to what you shouldve let go and that you finally realize what youre truly worth .. to me .... and everyone else around you

she stepped out a twirled, how do i look?
with the shocking look on my face and the delay in my answer , she asked the question
this question makes men siver , shake , and sweat , makes them wish they could plea the 5th
does this dress make me look fat?
this was my answer
do you think i evcer fell for what you wear? no, because what was important is that everywhere we went , i would be wearing you on my arm.
because with a woman like you it wasnt about the words that were spoken but the silences that were understood
because with a woman like you my eyes can meet yours and feel the truth laying within them
because with a woman like you a simple touch can send a jolt of lightning through my system just to jumpstart my heart.
because of the woman you are , that dress wont make you anything youre not
because of the woman you are , you make that dress everythiing you are.... BEAUTIFUL

I was here at the beginning and i am the end
im always lingering waiting to strike
i dont see race, religion, or gender
i dont care who you are , what you make, or what you created
because i conquer anything and everything
i was present at your birth but kept at bay
but i creep closer and closer , year by year
i am your greates fear
For when your time is up you beg me not to come walking
you may not think of me in a positive way
but listen to what i have to say
without me life would be meaningless
no purpose , no motivation, no time
listen to the greek figure achilles who described the gods feelings
they were immortal
but jealous of mere mortals
we could see true beauty becase it could be the last time
we could have a higher purpose because we dont have a forever
we could be thankful because each breath meant something
we could love because we'd rather die than be without someone
so dont fear me , pray for me
because i have given you a gift not even the gods could achieve
and know that im not taking you away
im bringing you home.

I was eight years old when i met you , my best friend you

were wearing a dorky dress your mother picked out

, your hair was much longer that it is now

you have an enticing smile that would make anyones day

eyes that glimmer in any level of ligh

t we would spend hourse speaking of dreams of what we wanted when we grew up

from that moment i knew i would never want to be without you

but i couldnt tell you that out of fear of pushing you away

why cant i love you?

as we got older your beauty grew bolder

and my feelings got stronger

the one thing that didnt change was the amount of time we spent together

i loved those rainy days we'd stay in and watch movies

the way you would rest your head on my shoulder or hearing your adorable laugh at the random scenes

i loved the summer days where we'd go to the lake

the way the sun would make your skin glow

or how your eyes reflected the deep beauty of the water

I love you

why cant i love you?

with these feelings rising threatening to burst out i just had to tell you

but there was something you had to say first

you told me you met someone

i was forced to slowly watch as your hands clenched

then have to listen to every detail of how your lips first met

all i could think was how your hands belonged in mine

why cant i love you?

after months of torture , i remember holding you as you cried

apparently being with only you wasnt good enough for him

im sorry i couldnt protect you

but just know that for every tear that fell , so did a piece of my heart

and that in my arms , no one will hurt you

i cant remember what i said but i got you to smile this was it , i leaned in to kiss you , but you stopped me , saying you could stand to lose me too

why cant i love you?

dont you see you would never lose me because i would never let go of you

from the moment i fell into those accepting blue eyes i knew you were mine

you may think youre an emotional wreck but i can carry you



like a bird with a broke wing stuck on the ground let me mend you , so we can soar let me be the one who shows you true happiness

let me hold your hand

let me help you

let me inside your walls

let me love you

It was the 7th grade , you sat across the room from me
i would sit there day dreaming of what could be
one day i worked up the courage to ask you on a date
i was so anxious that day i just couldnt wait
we went for ice cream because you screamed so loud when you saw the sign
you dropped yours but thats okay , we got to share mine
i walked you home that night confident that the night went alright
so i turned and said to you , darling would you kiss me goodnight?
success!
my eyes shut
* * *
my eyes open , we made it through highschool
it feels like it happened all to soon
we toss up our caps and pack up our bags
because now we want to be college grads
before we head out we spent one last night at home
we talked so much my mother threatened to cut off the phone
so i decided to sneak out to see you
because there was one more thing i had to say to you
I looed deep into your eyes and said baby i love you
but before i could leave i had to say my best line
darling would you kiss me goodnight?
you rolled your eyes at me but it still worked
the picture fades
* * *
The camera rolls
were walking on the beach next to the tumbling waves, as you clutch your red balloon
i didnt do such a bad job picking a spot for our honeymoon
i still couldnt believe the reaction of your old man
when i asked to have your hand
he started to cheer
then started to chug bottles of beer
the wedding was perfect but when you walked down the aisle my heart stalled
the best description i could give would be cinderella attending her ball
the attendence of your family was small
but thats okay we can share mine
so now as we roll in the sand
we lay as the waves crash on land
I turn to you and say darling would you kiss me goodnight
this time you shocked me by saying .. every night
end of scene
* * *
The pen hits the page
beep beep beep
its the day we dreamed of
after 9 months of mood swings, cravings, and craziness
beep beep beep beep
after many hour of labor , finally the baby is here
Sarah , thats what we name her , you opened your arms to have her near
beep beep beep beep beep
you never got to hold her even though thats the only thing you wanted to do
i couldnt believe my eyes , i was losing you
beep beep beep beep beep beep
one of the nurses took sarah so i could kneel by your side
the pain in my eyes was too much to hide
beep beep beep beep beep beep beep
your fading away, what do i say
i opened my mouth to say it was going to be okay
but you shushed me and whispered ... darling would you kiss me goodnight?
end of chapter
* * *
The intro
it saddens me that i wont be there when you wake
and that i wont be there to answer Sarah's cries
or when she calls you momma and your look of surprise
or be there to tell her she can date when her age isnt on the clock but i go by military time
or be with you in your golden years
to stand by you and face your fears
i wanted to grow old with you for goodness sake
but the thought of losing you was more than i could take
they say your heart wasnt big enought , but thats okay you can have mine
so you see this letter is for you
dont be angry just hear me through
i love you and its my job to protect you
i only did what i had to do
so when you feel sad and alone just think back
to the very 1st date when you dropped your double chocolate mint cone
or the many others when we wouldnt get off the phone
how you made me smile
from end to end it would measured a mile
or the day you said yes to being my wife
but most importantly .... that you made my life
conclusion
* *

I belive in one God creator of heaven and earth

because thats my religion since my birth

it doesnt matter if you believe in ying and yang

or that the world was created with a big bang

it doesnt matter if you pray five times a day to the great merciful Allah

or if youre an athiest that doesnt believe in nada

because we are all branches of the same tree

you have a heart and sould just like me

so open your eyes

and see past the lies

youre looking at a tree when you should see the forest

look at us we are suppose to be one chorus

we should see our same roots not our split limbs

instead we start wars over the language of hymns

it doesnt matter if you read the 7 valleys, the 5 classics, the vedas, the quran, the torah, or the bible

because all we want is to be the worlds next idol

we are now just leaves blowing in the wind

of our own mortal sin

we should be reaching toward the light to let ourselves bloom

yet we would rather there be an atomic boom

so you see it doesnt matter what we belive because if we cant see past a religion

there will always be a division

Dear dad ,

im writing to tell you the woman you once loved is gone..... she died waiting for you

the woman who taught me to read

the woman who gave me everything i could need

the woman who scolded me when i got in my 1st fist fight

the woman who would tuck me in everynight

      Her name was Laura , do you even remember that?

I remember how you would smell of *****

beating her until she would bruise

telling me i would never amount to anything

chrushing my dreams of ever wanting to sing

    so to conclude this letter i only have a couple more things to say

I needed you then buyt ive outgrown you now

because my mother taught me how

she pushed me to do anything i wanted to

so 1 day you can realize we made it without you

   But still no matter what i planned to do

   I Still forgive you