I am the faceless man.
I listen to the earth, yet i cannot hear it.
I watch the earth yet i cannot see it.
I feel the earth, though i cannot touch it.
For faceless i may be, but a man i remain,
And man has yet to clean what they stain.
Thus i remain faceless
And ageless with time.
For this faceless face is mine,
and faceless is who i am...
I am the faceless man.

I am the rain
I am still with movement
I am the wind
I change mood but never feeling

I am the tree
I sway in wind and in silence
I am the water
I am in chaotic peace

I am the stillness
Nothing to show or prove
I am life and death
I come and I go

I am the heart
I give life as well as death
I am who I am
I can’t change nor take that away

i don't know what to tell you,
i don't know what to do,
i know my heart is aching
all because of you,

i know that i am lonely.
i know that im in pain,
i know my heart cant take much more,
i know i like the rain,

i can't predict your moves,
i don't know whats in your head,
i don't know how you feel about me,
i don't know if your ever lonely in your bed,

i know i wonder about you,
i know your on my mind,
i know that your random actions
surprise me from behind,

i don't know what your wondering,
i don't know if you think about me,
i don't know what you want,
i don't know if i'll ever be free

I wanted to watch you stand atop a mountain gazing into the distance,
I wanted to hold you beside a burning fire,
I wanted to kiss you on the beach
and make love under the stars,

But now I cant,
and all I have left are these empty dreams I wanted to share with you,
and all these things we wanted to do
with no one else but just us two,
dreams of us sharing a tent,
a few years down the road after time has went,
a fire crackles and the crickets sing,
in your eyes the fire is glistening
and everything
is as it should be,
away from the world just you and me,
it could have been a memory,
but now it’s just a fantasy,
nowhere near a dream.
nowhere near reality,
I guess love ain’t what it seems

I dream of walking in the forest on a beautiful spring morning to smell the fresh air,
The trickling river flows,
the grass tickles my toes,
and the wind gently combs my hair,

The rocks still hold last nights cold,
and the plants are still covered in the morning dew,
bathing in the suns radiant hue as it rises from its rest,
I feel its radiant warmth blanketing my chest,

Time slows down in this moment of bliss
where nature has given me a warm loving kiss,
I feel as though i'm floating in the air,
I wish I could share such a feeling as this,

Serenity takes me into the night in my eyes,
On this morning I dream of the star lit skies,
I am in complete peace under the sun,
I have become whole,
I have become one.

my eyes cry a million tears
my heart feels many fears
my mind feels so alone
my life feels like there's nothing left
but im still going
im far from dead
no feelings left to feel
few experiences left to have

i can only think of one more thing
one that isnt so bad
you are my final experience left to be had
you make me happy
you make me sad
you make me feel everything
good and bad

you make me love you!
and its so sad
because you have no idea
and some would walk away
and just say
thats too bad

but ill stay here with you
ill pay my debt to you
and this i will never do
ill never leave you

because nothing can separate me from you
ive got one last thing to do
and that is to fufill my love to you

let the rain drip down your face
let the tears drain all of your fears
let the darkness fall to the floor
and i will make sure that nothing will hurt you anymore

let the wind brush through your hair
let me show you i will always be there
tell me what i must do
to forever be with you

if your friends leave you
and if mine do to
that doesn't mean we cant be true
beyond the end of time

your family might disapprove
and mine might too
this is gonna be difficult for me and you

but ill stay here with you
ill pay my debt to you
and this i will never do
ill never leave you

and on the foggiest days
ill make the skies look blue
and on the darkest nights
ill show you the sunlight

with one wing black
and one wing white
we will live between the dark
and the light

we will live our life
with strength and might
and be in our love
with passion and flight

ill fight for you i swear
ill protect every stand of hair

ill bleed and give you my blood
ill die so you can live life the way you should

ill rest your head on my arm
ill defend you from any kind of harm

ill let you sigh
ill let you cry
ill tell you the truth to every lie

its okay
im here
ill do anything
just dont shed another tear

when it comes to take me away
i want you to run
ill lead it astray
and dont worry
ill come back for you somehow
someday

run!
just go!
you'll be safe
trust me i know

don't be afraid
i'll catch you if you fall
dont falter now
ill let nothing touch you
nothing at all

i already told you you'll be safe
so just go
but as for me
i really dont know

i promised him
i'd bring you back safe
don't you see
my love for you doesn't matter anyway
yours is the only life that matters now
your getting out of here
it doesn't matter how
im gonna die here
but my love for you wont
my love will protect you
dont push it away, please dont

your gonna make it out today
and im gonna stay and die
i wouldn't have it any other way
because any other way i'd have to see you cry

One day we’ll be walking through a field of flowers,
sitting by a silent river,
standing atop a somber mountain,  
or laying on the beach watching the sun set over the ocean,
and I’ll still be gazing at you,
because to me
you will always be
the most beautiful sight I could ever see.

Each day I spend my waking moments
wishing my dream was my reality,
And I descend into sadness
knowing that will never be the case.

So I just exist through the day
wondering when I will die,
So that I might be able to return to my dreams forever.

If ever you are in pain
you can always call my name

if ever your heart runs out of time
just ask and ill give you mine

If ever you choose to send me away
ill leave in body but in spirit ill stay

If ever the word love loses meaning to you
there is only one thing ill do
ill still love you

as the bombs fall from the sky
i am close to my friends
i don't want to see them die

the birds in the sky
drop forces of fire and destruction
of hate and horror
walls of fire and air
that push and burn the innocent
we run with the urge to shout and scream
but we cant
we try to push out the fear
but it wont leave
we stop under shelter
I'm shaking

I'm shocked to see such terrible beauty in the sky
i never thought id feel this feeling that i might die
I"m afraid of never getting the chance to say goodbye

i have to get to my family
i have a feeling of where they are
i have to leave my friends
i will see them again in the ranks
a dear friend and mother figure gives me direction
before i set on my way
i got to tell her goodbye
but my friends didn't say goodbye today

I'm scared
i know i have to be strong
but its so hard
and i have so far to go
i don't know if I'll make it
but i know i have to try
because who is this person I've tried to be my whole life
if i don't act on what is right?

and then it all ends

What does my heart mean in this center of time?
Where all I see is what I wish to have as mine,
Yet I do not have the beauty of the last piece to my heart,
And I don’t hold in my arms that one missing part,
I hold a hole in my chest which gaps the space between me and my true self,
And this space can be filled by only one and no one else,

This emptiness in my heart belongs to you,
I leave it for what you would choose to do,
Because whether by your choice or not,
My heart is what you have always got,
And the ocean of my soul is in your hands,
Along with all of its outstretched lands,

You have me whenever you heart pleads,
Because you are the missing space that my heart needs,
And these tears I have held for such a beautiful sight,
I will continue to always hold in your eyes of night,
And with the entity of my soul and my entire being,
Not even god can comprehend what I am seeing,

I see you in all that you are,
I see you in all places near and far,
I see you in my soul and in my heart,
I see you at the end before I even start,
I see you happy and in love,
I see you are the only thing I ever want to be a part of.

im a person of sacrifice
i put other peoples happiness before mine
i tell the truth
i find no joy in lying

i take hits
so others don't have to
i block fires
so others can walk through

i've done this all my life
i've boxed in my hate since i was a kid
i put it in a jar
and i sealed it tight with a lid

i don't know why
but i don't think im a very good person
or a person that deserves
i try to be someone good
someone that serves

maybe one person can't do it all
so why keep trying
you'll just continue to fall
and keep on crying

its so much easier just to die
because there is no hope
im not gonna say why
because no one is going to help
i won't say goodbye
because not even I love myself
my soul isn't gonna float up high
because im going to hell
there won't be a single tear in my eye
because there won't be one in the eye of anyone else

i just want to be seen
but it would seem
that no one's ever gonna care
so ill die in the despair

if not believing in me is something everybody wants to do
then i guess i will too

there was a girl
back when i was in kindergarten
i remember her now
but i knew her then

her name was Ivy
and she was my best friend
there were great possibilities
but one day it all came to an end

she moved away
i didn't know what to do
because i didn't understand
and neither would you

i was only five
how could i understand what this was
all i knew was that the wind blew
i never though about what it does

all i know is that she left
but i never knew where
but in my heart
i can still feel the love she planted there

i remember that she was the most popular girl in the school
but she chose to hang out with me
she didn't care if i was cool
because there were no two greater friends than we
everyone treated me like a fool
but not Ivy
because to her i was no tool
i was just as equal as she

I want to build her a cabin in the woods,
so she can wake up to the melody of singing birds
and the smell of trees coming through the window,
so she can sip her morning coffee in the forest
and feel the dewy grass between her toes,
so she can close her eyes and hear nothing
but the river, the trees, and the gentle wind,
so every night she can lay by a fire and read a book,
watch the stars, or fall asleep in my arms,
breathing free air and smiling
knowing she is right where she wants to be,
in a cabin in the woods with her dog,
and me :)

I wonder what it’s like to live for someone,
I could give it a try,
To live in their name,
And even to die,

I wonder if I could live in the forest,
Survive on what it wants to give,
Breathe for every day,
What an interesting way to live,

I wonder about the ocean,
Absorb the sun and the sea,
Travel the world,
Be completely free,

I wonder about the clouds,
Spread my wings and fly,
Be like a bird
Soaring through the sky,

I wonder

in the right days
and the right times
with just enough nickles
and just enough dimes

with bread and butter
and a knife to spread
with arms and legs
and alive and not dead

with clothes on your back
and a roof over your head
with soft pillows and sheets
and a nice comfy bed

got some jelly and bread in the morning
and a nice hot cup of tea
got places to go
and some friends and family to go see

always having some type of fun
hangin out, rockin out
usually something dumb
generally interesting to more than some

fighting and arguing
things that are sad and bad
but happily ending
things remembered only as experiences you've had

wills getting stronger
wings growing wider
connections going longer
and friendships going farther

piecing puzzles together
solving questions of life
finding reasons why we even bother
reasons why we even fight

balancing our thoughts
between feelings of hate and love
standing out
like a beautiful white dove

everything is just right
the world is taking flight
with a righteous fist
and a voice of might

I'm just trying to make my life a little better,
I cant see the road as I'm storming through this weather,
but I know that I'll keep going because I know I gotta try,
I appreciate the offer but this isn't the day I die,
because I still gotta fly, gotta laugh, gotta cry,
gotta feel all the joy's that come with this crazy life,
and don't tell me that it's too hard and don't tell me that you cant,
that's why we have each other so that we can lend a hand,
no one has forever so don't waste it in the dirt,
now get up and wipe the blood off on your shirt,
keep going until you get exactly what you're worth,
I'll be right there by your side with my love in every verse,
I'll push you from behind even when it hurts,
we're all together on this ride,
everybody on this earth.

Please take me away from my mind,
Let me leave everything behind
and shut every door to my heart,
freeze my soul like a work of art,
forever frozen and alone through time,
numb and dead but beautiful and sublime.

Let me hold this silence
As long as it’s mine to hold
Let me wander atop the ocean
As the moon shines on the dark water

Allow me to cry
Please don’t make me speak
If I die then just let me die
I have a heart and right now it’s weak

Don’t try to make me happy
I already am
But right now I feel the need to be sad

I don’t want to look up
At the brightest light in the sky
I want to look down
And watch the tears fall from my eyes

I want to see the ripples they make
How insignificant they are
Among the waves of the ocean
It’s too big for any purpose I should be left to have

Just let my beautiful sadness be
I hope that in time
You will just let me be

Let me hold this silence
Allow me to cry
And if I die…
Just let me die

ok
lets start this now
c'mon
let me show you how

it goes like this
you lift up your fist
and you pound pound!
on the ground!
shaking the floor
up and around
swing swing!
hit everything!
break it all!
run through the wall!

smash!
scream!
destroy!
what would seem!
fake!
and dead!
in and out!
of your head!

what if we together walk alone inside this world
hiding in the shadows of this cold and pointless road
dreaming of the faces in our hearts we wish we had
thinking of the places in our minds don't feel this sad
wondering if this life will ever ever change
but when it does we feel so scared and strange
hoping that one day we will control our lives
and somewhere along the road we will finally realize
this road isn't gonna turn for us
we gotta turn ourselves
we will turn and thus
change the lives of sixties and twelves
and on this new road
we might think to go back
but were here
and it isn't so sad

so live!
breathe!
receive!
your heart!
burn!
fire!
now!
start!
go!
be ******!
the ones!
we fight!
****!
destroy!
in the dark!
and daylight!
never!
quit!
never!
give up!
don't change!
just keep going!
and never be shut up!

this world will someday come to a bitter end
the day that disbelief becomes our closest friend
so counter the shot, get ****** and shoot back
if you have to, use your fists or grab a bat
it doesn't matter, someday you gotta fight
doing nothing just doesn't really feel right
i don't get why people just let themselves die
they take one hit, fall down and then cry
they just let go and destroy their entire lives
and let go of their husbands, kids and wives
the tragedy of it all is that were doomed to die someday
but that's the beauty of it because everything's more beautiful that way
if we were meant to live forever
the beauty of life would never get better
we would be walking around immortal and painless
instead of walking honestly and shameless

what if we were born to live the way that we want to die
not to live forever
but so beauty cant live long enough in our lives to become a lie

so when your with death
and you're not who you want to be
just take a deep breath
and let yourself be free

I see people alone, and in pain
i see people walking with no name
i see people forgetting what it means to live
forgetting what the good life is

forgetting the taste of apples
forgetting the taste of milk
forgetting the taste of eggs
forgetting how to cook
forgetting warm water
forgetting the meaning of soft
forgetting how to soothe
a troubled persons mind, or heart
living as slaves to their past
and dwelling on dreams of the future
forgetting the strength of the will
forgetting the potential of the heart
forgetting the importance of the soul
forgetting the power of love

only knowing the cold hard floor
only knowing closing doors
only knowing stupid games
only knowing lots of pain, and no gain
only knowing loosing everything
only knowing hurting all the time
only knowing loneliness is inescapable
only knowing violence is inevitable
only knowing people that don't care
only knowing its all unfair
only knowing dying is better than so much suffering
only knowing trying does nothing

not knowing you
not knowing the good you can do
not knowing the lives you can save
not knowing the lives you can change
not knowing that there's someone out there that cares
not knowing there's someone willing to treat your life as it it were theirs
not knowing someone so kind
not knowing someone who wont stab you from behind
not knowing you would be happy to make their day
not knowing someone like you is only a breath away

finding a path they can finally walk
finding someone they can happily be
finding how easy it is to forget the past
finding how easy it is to pursue the dreams of the future
finding out the incredible strength of the will
finding out the endless limits of the heart
finding out the extreme importance of the soul
finding out the infinite power of love
knowing what they can do for you
knowing the good they can do
knowing the lives they can save
knowing the lives they can change
knowing how to care
knowing that their willing to treat your life as if it were theirs
knowing how to be kind
knowing they wont stab you from behind
knowing they would be happy to make you day
knowing that someone they used to be is only a breath away
knowing what to do
knowing how to help the people they used to be
knowing how to be free

whether its living for yourself
living the dream
living for the people
or living for everything

living is being true to yourself
living is being strong
living is having the discipline to listen to yourself
and having the courage to follow along

living is having no regrets
living is being a kind and loving person
living is being a part of everything
and above all
living is giving
and taking is not
living is living
and that
is living

got my hands in my pockets
my chin in the air
my feet on the ground
im on a mission
a dare

got my hands in my pockets
my chin in the air
got my eyes fixed foreword
like there's nothing their

nothing but my path
my goals
my ends
my faults
my treasure
my money
my friends
my sweet jar of honey
my strength
my heart
my strive
to be a part
of something big
a part of something real
a part of something special
something that will make me feel

righteous
and free
in the air
where nothing can touch me
where no one can bring me down

i got my hands out of my pockets
my head held high
my feet steppin up
and im wavin bye

bye to my world o fear
bye to my world of pain
bye to my world of dead ends
bye to my world of never ending rain

bye to the darkness in the corner
bye to the darkness under the sheets
bye to the filling my head
bye to the holding my feet

bye to the hateful swing that misses every time
trying to hit me
trying to pound me
trying to deal great pain

i am above you now
im standin tall
nothing can hold me back
nothing at all

look at your smile,

calming the waves
and flattening the seas,
stopping the sky
and all that it sees,

look at your smile,

freezing time
and brightening the day,
taking all the darkness
and sadness away,

while here i  stand,

my body numb
and eyes gazing,
my mind blank
and heart blazing,

while i stand here,

loosing gravity
and feeling no weight,
frozen in time
in this joyous state,

look at your smile,

ending all sounds
and silencing all voices,
altering reality
and changing all choices,

look at your beautiful smile,

more beautiful than the heavens,
more beautiful than land and sea combined,
more beautiful than mother nature,
more beautiful than any creator has ever designed,

some people are such wasted space,
they show you their nice side
but they can't always hide their true face.

why the deception?
for my protection?
you can't stop the conception
of the idea that you're not the person
that you think i see,
you're just another fake to me.

i try to help you as much as i can,
but you just don't want to be a man
and stand up with your own two legs,
you're the kinda person that begs & begs
for help all the time,
and then for no reason or rhyme
you put off all the help you need,
you listen to advice but you just don't heed,
i guess you really are a different breed.

I'm not a quitter
but i can't afford to do this anymore!
ill keep my hand open, but I'm closing the door,
I've tried so hard
to keep our friendship alive,
so many failed attempts just to get you to strive
to be someone better than who you are now,
you don't know the way then i show you how,
but you always give up when it starts to get hard!
i try to keep you up but you always play the same card,

you jump back to ****
and you start drinking,
you stop trying
and you stop thinking,

you just quit,
and I'm getting tired of this ****!
man i can't hold you up forever,
one day ill have to flip the switch,
pull the lever,
break the line,
cut it & sever,
retake whats mine,
my dignity & pride!
i will no longer abide
and continue to collide
with your drugged up suicidal side,
its almost as if you were dead from the start
and it just straight up breaks my heart.

and i don't know why i couldn't tell,
that you were already lost,
you had already fell,
and we both paid the cost
as it ended in hell.

i fall to the ground
and i want to die,
i painfully scream,
i painfully cry,
i hate this world,
i just dont understand,

i just want to know,
to feel, to see,
what to do,
who to be,

i wanna know how to live,
how to go on,
as if everythings right,
and nothing is wrong,
oh its been so long,
since my sadness was gone,
and my heart wants to live,
but this pressure wont give,

and no matter how much i resist,
no matter how much i fight,
the sadness takes control,
it holds me so tight,

and then i cant breathe,
my body gets weak,
my eyes cant see,
my lips cant speak,

and then i fall to the ground,
and i just want to die,
in agony i scream,
in despair i cry,
and i dont know why
this is happening to me,
why the darkness comes so suddenly,

and so...
i am lost
in the emptiness of space,
a cold, dark, forgotten place,
i am
lost in oblivion

Have you ever seen a world where everything’s twisted around?
Where water becomes air and sight becomes sound,
A place where feelings turn into beautiful birds
And beauty is expressed in many words,
A world that shows you the meaning of love,
And takes you to the caves below and to the clouds above,

Such a place,
Is where I thought I was,
When I saw a lonely girls face,
And I fell deeply in love,

I don’t know if this girl would ever take me as hers,
But there is one thing that my heart ensures,
I have feelings of love that may very well be real,
A sense of desire that I strongly feel,
And the little things make it worth that much more,
And a fallen heart is in need of an open door,

An honest smile can keep someone from death,
Giving a caring word is sharing a loving breath,
Offering a hand can make someone’s day,
Sharing a thought can take someone’s pain away,
And although being a friend is wonderful and kind,
Being in love is something you can never leave behind,

Because love is a blessing as well as a feeling,
It’s an act of kissing and random heart stealing,
It’s an eternal heartfelt burning fire,
Something that most want and always desire,
Love happens when you realize the pumping in your chest,
Don’t fight it, just go for it and give it your best,
It comes in many different forms and styles,
But it lasts even if the distance is miles and miles,

So if you’re ever confused
And you don’t know what to say
Just say how you feel
You’ll appreciate it one day

Dear lover,
have you met me?
i'm your man,
i'm your fantasy,

Oh lover,
where have you been?
please don't go,
i'll miss you again,

my friend,
my baby,
my sweet little pea,
my half,
my light,
my compass at sea,

Please lover,
stay with me,
don't wander the world
alone and unhappy,

My lover,
my muse,
my creature of lust,
my drug,
my dream,
my angel of trust,

And so I am lost in the innumerable pleasure of lust and passion. Two bodies, steaming and melding one another into a single being. Experiencing each other in the highest form of ecstasy, the likes of which cannot possibly be replicated in any other way. It is an ensemble of energy exploding in all directions in a colorful blaze. Our minds reduced to our baser instincts of ****** attraction and animalistic nature. Ending in an explosion of pleasure that softly carries you on a cloud into the land of dreams.

The vex of all men has peered into my eyes once again
and glimpsed to me that which I long for most in this life.
Love, in all of it's beautifully destructive splendor,
it beckons me to let go of all rational thought
and surrender to the waves of my heart crashing down upon my soul.
Swallowing me up into this wild ocean of reckless emotion.
I am miserable in all ways imaginable and...

mother don't get up
your still in pain,
let us fight them,
the ones destroying your name,

the ones ripping out your hair ,
the ones cutting your skin,
the ones taking your air,
the ones killing you within,

mother let us be your guardians,
lend us your sword and shield,
give us the power
that only you can wield

we shall hunt them down,
the ones who think they have all the power,
and when the window opens
we will make our strike within the hour

archers ready!
infantry hold fast!
cavalry ready!
we have come to it at last!

a moment in time
felt only by a generation,
the rushing power
to overcome a nation,

the shaking urge
to charge and fight,
the strength to conquer,
and we found it over night,

for the dead that are sleeping,
for the children that are weeping,
for the sky that is crying,
for our home that is dying,
for our world in pain,
nothing will be in vain!

for you mother,
our protector,
our Queen,
rest now,
we will fight
while you stray off into a dream

i see the grass covered in dead leaves
it looks sad
tainted in a way
the grass seems to be dying
the scene holds such a still silence

the trees hang over with thousands of naked arms curving down
its almost as if they're pouring all of their sadness,
all their sorrows,
and all their tragedy into the ground
and seeping into the entirety of the earth
straight to its very heart
and gently slicing into its soul

making the ground weak
untrustworthy
and all are fearful of a dark cloudy day
because what is left to trust
if the ground falls apart and the sun and the sky are no longer here for us?
and family and friends are no use because they're afraid as well

so what will the world come to when sadness, fear, and sorrow come to seize us all?
what will the passing days and years go by as?
tragedies?
failures?
disappointments?
will all the world sink into the cracks in the ground,
and crumble into an eternal oblivion?
that we may finally meet that which we are all destined to face
something so unavoidable,
so inevitable,
so undeniable,
the most expected moment of our lives.

the end of all things.

hmm...
must be beautiful.

on the day that i first saw you
we were running underground
one hundred thousand people
screaming crazy all around

i bumped into a mailman
and i fell right into you
i looked right up into your eyes
and you gazed in mine too

the two of us were lost
staring in each others mind
i knew just what were her thoughts
and she knew just what were mine

but we didn't have the time
to stay and meet each other right
we had to get straight to the pods
and take off into night

as the war was ending up above
i grabbed you off the floor
i told you that we had to run
to make it to the door

you said no i cant make it
then you stopped and asked my name
i said no ill never let you die
we're getting on this plane

we got inside the doors
and only one seat was left
you looked into my eyes
and i hugged you close to my chest

and then i threw you back
and i locked you in the chair
i ran outside the doors
as you screamed no this isn't fair!

i said i never did that much in life
and if this is the last thing that i do
then im happy that i gave my life
i gave it all to you

im happy that i let you go
to sail into the stars
my apocalyptic one true love
i've given you my heart

I am trying to write but i can't.

I'm trying to think
and I feel like I'm on the brink
of something.

I'm searching through my mind
trying to find the words to say,
struggling every single day.

Like a dam,
the river of my thought has been blocked,
not locked but left closed,
because I lack the strength of those
who can hold it open,

I think I've lost touch with the heart of my imagination,
and so begins my creative degeneration

The words I want to say never want to come out,
even when I scream and shout,
my mind is just filled with doubt,
the words freeze in my every breath,
being unable to self express feels like death
and I can feel the pressure inside of my chest,
I can form a few words, maybe a sentence at best,
like a rope around my throat blocking my voice,
and then people try to tell me that I have a choice,
as if anxiety, depression, & fear would ever adhere to my will,
as if I could **** all the sadness with a simple thought,
but that's just not how it works,
because it still hurts no matter what I do
and I don't know how to explain to you
how I feel,
you can't see the pain but it's real,
and if I were able to show you I would,
but all I can do is just wish I could,
                   I wish I could..
I wish I could smile just like you,
and maybe laugh the same way too,
sleep & wake with a smile on my face,
walk with confidence in any place,
surrounded by people I know & love,
always looking up & above,

But no matter how much I want it to be,
that's just not me, its a fantasy,
can't you see the reality that I just cant and I don't know why,
and all I can do is just scream and cry!
wishing I could die because it's just too painful to be alive!
but I don't have the guts to do it myself,
even though there's no one else
to stop me from taking my own life,
ledge, led, noose or knife it doesn't matter,
I just can't pull the trigger,
yea I keep my life but my demons just grow bigger
as my heart & soul wither until I'm broken cold & bitter,
i'll sit here with a shiver,
trying to catch my tears before they fall,
wondering if I could have ever been happy at all.

It was just a crush at first that I had on you,
but we talked and shared and it grew and grew,
I just wanted someone to smile at me through
the pain of waiting for someone like you,
but I never imagined that you'd like me too,
   so darling,
      what did we do?

We hung out and talked for hours a day,
could never run out of things to say,
I got used to looking into your eyes,
used to thinking of you when I look at the skies,
wanting to kiss you and hold you and miss you,
take you to places that we've never been too,
if there's one thing in my life that I never thought of,
   its that this is how one day
      i'd fall in love,

And it was so beautiful,
at least for a time,
I was yours and you were mine,
so happy I would shout at the skies
with pure joy streaming from my eyes,
and everything just came together,
but love wasn't enough to hold you forever,
   then suddenly,
      it was all over,

And for a while it was so hard to stay sober,
only numbness would take away the pain,
every night trying not to go insane,
wondering how I ****** up,
where it all went wrong,
was it ever even real all along,
was it true when you said I love you
as you gazed into my eyes,
   how much was truth,
      how much was lies,

And now I miss you,
I want to see your smile,
I want to lay next to you again
and hold you for a while,
and feel your breath on my arm
and smell your hair in my face,
go back to that special place
when we were happy
and nothing was wrong,
   i'd read a poem,
      you'd play a song,

But I have to realize that's all gone,
you made your choice and I have to move on,
I hope in time the tears fade away,
and maybe again I can feel one day,
the way I felt when I was with you,
but i'll never forget what we went through,
and baby no matter what I do,
you're the only one I'll ever think of,
   when I remember
      my first love.

this dark side of my mind
that i cannot leave behind
will never let me go
because i am plagued by the thought
that i am not
the person that i should be
and though i try
and smile and lie
my heart still fails me

and despite all the help
and hope
that all my friends and family give
i can't bring my self to deal with
or cope
telling them how i truly live

so i smile and say I'm fine
but truly I'm in love
with the thought of my own disaster
that i can't stop thinking of

and the saddest thing i see
is in the mirror so ugly
so terrible such a thing
it can't find love
it can't find worth
nothing, for the table, to bring

but the hardest part is figuring out how to live
this thing called a life that i would so willingly give

i wasn't told or was unaware
that i could grasp
or enclose or ensnare
the possibility of happiness
the feeling i feel i have failed to truly feel
i feel i haven't felt many things that are really real
my happiness is the one thing my darkness is able to steal
i must find a way to fight it
or i will never truly heal

There is nothing like stepping outside on a chill morning
& standing barefoot in the dewy grass
with my eyes closed against the rising sun.

The light piercing my eyelids fills my vision with a calming sunset red
that perfectly visualizes the feeling of the softly warm sun rays
blanketing my skin as the morning breeze paints my body
with a fine chilled brush.

I feel each patient beat of my heart
singing a song with the morning birds,
the flowing river & the dancing trees.

The sweet melody satiates me with serenity
& if only for a moment,
I am happy.

I lay on the floor in my room
and stare up at the ceiling fan,
I try to figure out who I am,
Who is this lost young man?

I live a life with no direction or conviction,
Only the demons of my own affliction,

My own self-loathing married my self-doubt
And let loose my darker half,
Dragging my mind into the darkness,
Imprisoning me in the mistakes of my past,

And so I don't know what to do
To escape my prison and move on,
How do I move forward
When everything I do is wrong?

Purpose has eluded me,
Confidence has fled,
My will deminishes,
My heart almost dead.

In all the ways I can imagine
In all the ways I can see
I'm lost inside the darkness
A place of nihility,

A void,
An emptiness,
A lethe within me,
My oblivion sea.

Valentine’s Day is coming to an end,
And i spent it alone and without my best friend,
So I am saddened and heartbroken to say,
Alone is how I spent another valentine’s day,

Again I got nothing,
No candy, card, or balloon,
I got to spend another valentine’s day
All alone in my room,

I laid alone all day in my bed,
Holding the heart that I most dread,
And again I got to realize and see,
Who would want someone ugly as me?

I’ve never had a valentine,
No girl to ever and call mine,
And I am just another ugly soul
That scares off the young and wards off the old,

But my fragile heart
Has never meant any harm,
I’m just an ugly duckling
On a sad little farm,

No one has ever liked me,
No one I know of at least,
I just feel like all people see
Is an ugly scary beast,

I want a valentine
At least once in my sad life,
Something besides a gun
Or a ****** knife,

So the day is almost at an end,
And today I have no message to send,
Maybe my valentine will come someday,
But for now my lonely heart is here to stay,

Life can seem so still sometimes,
So silent to itself,
So distant from only you
And close to everyone else,

So lonely on a quiet day,
Especially without the rain,
No sounds to hear
And remind you of love or pain,

That’s true loneliness...
Having nothing at all,
No happiness, nor sorrow,
No true love to recall,

No warmth, no cold,
Not even a breeze,
At times
I just drop to my knees

And I beg,

I beg for feeling,
Good or bad,
It doesn’t matter
Because neither I’ve had,

And when feeling doesn’t come,
And nothingness remains all that I know,
Nothingness becomes my heart…
And nothingness becomes my soul…

flying like the wind but ever calm
sun warming me as I reach out my palm
a blanket of warmth like no other
similar to that of a loving mother
soaring among the oceans in the sky
a feeling that brings a tear to my eye
such beauty in silence I’ve never heard
i dare not speak a single word
a dream it would seem has come to life
as ever real as skin to knife
as present as the beat of a lifted heart
never swaying or straying too far
not afraid to fall and die
a feeling as immortal as the oceans in the sky

those we've loved
those we've lost
those we've hurt
the lives we've cost

we've never actually taken the time to think about these things
the good people
the bad people
everything real

there is a saying that states 'in a mans imagination is where he can truly be free, thus is now, and thus will always be'
but that doesn't change the real things in life
it doesn't change what we see
it doesn't change the reality
it doesn't bring out more light
it does't bring anything to right

but the power rests within our hands
to act on what we feel
to change the stars
and make our dreams become real
so that we may expand our thoughts
expand our lives
and remember those we've lost
remember their lives
and so they had not died in vain
use their power
use their will
use their pain
and give the world something to gain
give it heart
give it strength
give it purity
give it a life of greater length

pay tribute to the dead
remember who changed our lives
remember who we loved
remember who payed for our lies

pay tribute to the dead
do something bold
pay tribute to the dead
remember the people of old
pay tribute to the dead
live our lives for ourselves
pay tribute to the dead
remember loss
pay tribute to the dead
know regret
knoe the cost
pay tribute to the dead
we have strength
pay tribute to the dead
we have the power
its in our hands
sieze the hour
change the land
change the stars
change the world
the time is ours

carpe diem
sieze the day
take your life
and never give it away