I don't know
But these times
It seem colder than before
More lonely. More sad.

Since summer is long gone
I don't know
What to cover first
My heart or my skin?

You have this grave ability
Of understanding what is not
And feeling the roughness
Of everything brilliant.

No symphony is more beautiful than you
Even the green grass outside
Wishes for a wisp of your sunshine
Even Auriga wants you to be her Capella.

But little do you know
That I'll pause my life song
If you'll think my way
Or even take a little sigh.

The word hate only appeals
To those who are hated
The other knows it by heart
And they tend to share it graciously to the world.

But if you drop bombs like that
Make sure you got yourself protected.
Or have you gotten so used
To the aftermath that you rather
Liked sniffing the smoke and running
Around on the still warm ashes?

Maybe if a tornado will come
And destroy all the things I wrecked myself.
And also wipe my memories
Of hands clenched around knives
And a rage so undeniable that it became invisible
To the human eye but there are tremors
Still left and suffered under the blinds.

Nah day mura baya gyud ko og iro nga way tag.iya
Maghal-hal ra ko sa imong atubangan hangtod imo
Kung tagdon ug gitik-gitikon gamay akong tiyan.
Magtulo pa gani ang laway kung init kaayo
Pero ayaw lang gyud ug kabalaka day
Wala bitaw koy kuto.

You are the soul behind my every "you"
The silences in between my giggles
The last face I remember before I drift off
I always have a space for you.

But walk your way and create your own murals
Serve your hands and your minds
Breathe all kinds of air, be the eagle that you are
But there's just no putting it gently, I'll always always be here.

Waiting for your feathers to land
Waiting for you to rest your heart
Waiting for your presence to be close to mine
I'll always always be here.

When we get too tired, we falter
Like the static and bump
In your humming and pulsating silence
Tell me, are you tired hanging from the tree?

But it is yours.
Red rose petals
Like drops of blood
It's always the blood
That makes me cringe
Like the thread on our fingers
Tangled and useless
I see there's a connection
But I see blood in your fingernails
I wonder where you got that?
Ahhh. I remember, we held hands last night.

I hope infinity doesn't exist
Because at this rate, I might just be
The lousy continuation of me.
Who needs another sentence
That might never end
When you can end it with a period
And bow gracefully?

But you see, I am a foolish person
Very foolish to stand again
When I can already navigate the mud
With my eyes closed and uncaring heart.
It is indeed a faint world
Faintier than the people with glassy eyes
But with muscles that can store memories and strength.

"Attacks me and hugs me
And forces the breathe out of me
Almost kills me
But kinda also loves me."

Isn't that the sweetest?

You don't need to convince me
To believe you
Just make me cry, laugh, think
I think that's one way of living your world.

Love
It's good for the soul
But not always safe
Then again, what is?

What did you think
When I crossed your sight?
How did you feel?
For me, it was just another wave
Of mountains that I couldn't climb.

If only you're brave enough
To touch me where it hurts the most
Or too hold me when I flinched
Or when I clenched instead of to uncurl.

I guess we're still too young
Too feel the urgency
Of holding on until it bruises
Too young to feel the cold.

Darling, for now let's just be
A breath away
We're still cowards under the rain
Don't worry, we'll learn after this.

I still wish for you.
My heart don't exactly leap
When I see you
But other times
I drown
With necessity and hesitation
I unbuckle my heart
And steady my knees
This life indeed is a waning moon.

A call to arms.
Really.
Just a call to your arms.
Dear, I'm borrowing Darcy's words
I love you ardently.
So please. Embrace me.
I don't care if I'm ****** afterwards.

It's just that I never tried
Filling water to a barrel
With a *******.
Futility, I should say.
That is quite true, expectedly true
Before I met you.

Some nights I shake inside
Uncontrollably.

I always feel that I am bound
To take the worst case scenario.
And it's funny
And sad. But it's alright.

I once flew in the same air
As the one you're swimming.

For this boy, a trip down memory lane
Is only a knock away.
But his hands are heavy
And only his tears are brave
Enough to fall and roll
The only feeling of cold
That his nerves can serve.

All of him is heavy
His spirit, breath and heart.
But it seems like everything
Is light enough to go with the wind.
Leaving him in poverty and dullness
And a trip down memory lane.

Mountains are not our thing
For beings so small as we are.
But a handful of earth
Really, a pinch of it, our hands can handle.

If cherishing the fading photograph
Of your face and and it's frown
Be the last thing I do
Then I'd do it gladly and with all my might.

This month I'll remember you
Like any other month.
And like any other month
I can't forget you just yet.

Feeling pain is never optional
Like water or tea?
Or juice or coffee?
No. It's shoved down
Down your throat.
Fast and hard.
But the funny thing is
You're thankful afterwards.

Darkness existed first.

A desperate confirmation
That this evil is not innate.

Sweats rolling down my thighs
Eyes closing like the end of a play
"To be or not to be"
But here I am in between the clench and a hiss.

Like a song
Slowly, slowly humming and building
The chorus trembles the harmony
Big Bang can't compare to this.

Afraid to realize that I can't do it after all
And this time, failing is not an option
But my knees are shaking
I'm collapsing.

But I'm holding on
Step by step I lift my soul
My spirit and my eye
And there, done!

But I'm not sorry for loving you.

I don't know how long these feelings will last.
But for some reason I seem to treasure it.
So so much.
I write for it and about it.


Hoping that when the time comes
I'll remember you as a person
Who made me feel storms
While my shirt is dripping with sweat.


I don't want to just forget you.
Make me scarred and shaking and vulnerable
From grief or love or whatever it is you can give
But, please, make me remember.

I see sun flares when you smile
Filling me with warmth and an odd
Feeling of desperation and exhaustion
That shames my stuttering words.

Why do you have to be so pretty and captivating?
When all I can do is turn a blind eye?
Why do you have to be so full of life
When I'm burning inside?

My paint is peeling
Soon, very soon, people will see
And judge that I love you
For what I am and for what you are.

Why do you have to be my everything?

It's the division
That causes diversion
From the real reason
Why there's a nation.

From the classic white and black
To the queer and straight
Take it a step further
And we'll reach heaven and hell.

Ever wonder why there's a lease
Beyond the acts and protocols
That only binds and blinds
Slowly dimming our wits and our eyes.

Blunt barricade, sharpened doors
Batons as heavy as our souls
Houdini cannot unloose
Seamed and woven by our ironic prose.

Do not rock the boat
Nor destroy the harmony
Of the community and society
Of honorable people
Who abhors abortion
But shames teenage parents.
Who points fingers
and throws stones
Knowing they deserve as much.

It's part of their daily rosary
To beg for forgiveness
Kneel for a hour and a half
Just so they can vindicate
Their ugly hearts.
It's part of their holy routine
To have a dry and rocky stares
And ****** ignore the helpless ***.

Oh smog! Such ugly snots!
Breathe your first
And condemn your last
Salvation is not for us.

How can you kiss me
With steady fingers?

Despair is my afternoon tea
And sometimes, my lamp in the evening
But if it's this easily explained
Then I wouldn't be this troubled.

My sights can only reach my eyelids
So there's no use climbing up that mountain
When the top is as dull as the plains
And the birds there are as silent as the lamb.

But of course I can hear far beyond that.
It is said that above all those twigs
And cherry flavored paper
There's a hymn that never fades out.

Maybe we need another kind of people
The one who can tolerate other soul
The one who can see differently
Yes,  the one who can love differently.

A day will come
That I will be more than my feelings.
More than my heartbreak
Yes, more than my heartbreak.

It's funny how you can elevate
My heartbeat and anxiety
And you, oblivious to my suffering
Can breath without a pause and hesitation.

A day will come
That I will no longer care if we shared
That same laughter or that glance
Or even care to check if your presence is close to mine.

But for now, I'll breathe
Though lumpy and not without a sigh
Though unsteady and thin
This uncertain breath can still sustain me.

And tonight I am not sleeping alone
Tonight I will be sleepless but not without dreams
Two burning things will make love to me
One is you and the other is the ache from imagining us.

My body longs to lick your soul
To see beneath your eyelashes
And to feel your heartbeat drowning mine
But no. Not tonight.

And when it's daybreak
And the sheets are without a single crease
Then I will let my happiness go
And fully admit that I can only burn with you.

My eyes wander to the white wall
To the uneven ceiling
To the piled books and ***** laundry
Untouched like the tangled wires
Like a necklace under my chin.

And finally I'm flying
Away from this world
Of indifference and guilt
Yes, everything looks so mundane up here.

Love is graceful this time
It left me marks and bruises
Not from anger but from
Fighting too hard
And from breathing too fast
To get to you and to finally rest
With my face buried in your hands.

I hope I can compose
A melody out of this screeching pain
So I can play it to you even while you sleep
So you can feel your ears bleed like how my heart did.

I hope you'll dream of me
Thrusting notes down your throat
And I won't stop even after the curtain closes
Until you get it right. Until we get it right.

Because this love is obsessive
It's destructive than nuclear weapons
Hiroshima and Nagasaki combined
Can't compare to our aftermath.

God bless my soul
When I reach for you
A fruit with the snake
Hissing and enticing me
To take a bite
Taste the sin

I guess the heart is made that way
Wanting what's forbidden
And sin tastes like cherry with wine
With an appetite that can drown the town.

And weeping won't cure you.
God doesn't care.
And Eden is closed to those who are drunk
But darling, we have heaven here.

I'm wearing you
Right next to my watch
Which stopped ticking months ago.

A clenched fist through the sheet
A perverted creaking of the bed
A shudder and a gasp
A stain mixing with sweat.

No pillow talk for now darling
Even midnight is dozing off
But if you shall insist
We can make the first stanza our encore.

Snow can't hide your tears, you know?
It's an unwilling home to the sick at heart.
But rain cries with you.
It pats your head when you need a friend.

It carries your tears down to your body
Making your pores know
That this my friend
is how subtle grief tastes like.

And let's not talk about
The real solid grief because that again my friend
Defies the gravity of tears
You can stand in the snow and not melt it.

I guess it's better for us to be under the rain
When we're served an extra dish
Blood through our veins and a twitch to the heart
And whether you like it or not
Force your tears. Let it dry under the rain. Cure your heart.

So you can stand back in the snow
And plot your vengeance
Because a dry and snowy place
Is a beautiful crime scene, you know.

I never asked for the spring
Nor the summer
But the cherry blossomed
And the sea charmed the travelers

So why am I still stuck
With the four hiragana characters
That patterns my bug bites
And damp pillows