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Jul 2018 · 214
She is emptied
Doll Jul 2018
She died,
she was broken,
was muted,
and then lived.

Her eyes were full yet empty,
like a blank paper there was nothing written down.
Her heart, filled yet hollow,
carved out by pain, sadness and loneliness.

She died,
she was broken,
was muted,
and then lived.

Her mind never walked away,
her mind never got over it.
After years, months, weeks and days.

How did this happen?
How do you live after trauma?
How am I supposed to live?

She died,
she was broken,
was muted,
and then lived.
Quick write down. Life after being in a lot of problems
Doll Aug 2015
The answer is i don't know..
Or do i know?

coke
xtc
mdma
tramadol
eph
xanax
cannabis
hasj
speed/amphetamine
2cc
flunitrazepam
codeine
vallium
ritalin
concerta
lsd/acid
bromazepam
lorazepam
2cb
etizolam
4fa
ketamine
2fa/2fma
ghb
mephedrone (meow meow)
methox

And i'm pretty sure my list won't end there.

It's not that i can't stop but i just don't want to feel reality.
Aug 2015 · 687
psychosis
Doll Aug 2015
This is not a poem just some phrases to explain my past psychosis.

I lived in complete darkness full of sad noises,
strange images
and blurry figures.

I lived in complete darkness with no love,
no emotions
and no feelings.

I kept asking myself "what's going on",
"is this the end"
and "will this ever end".

I saw spiders,
mouses
and more animals on my wall.

I heard voices ,
noises
and some of them were in my head.

I couldn't think,
sleep
or live.

I couldn't be.

I couldn't be me.

I wasn't me.

I wished i could die, so this all would end.
Thanks to my amazing psychiatrist i'm still alive and i'm doing well
Feb 2015 · 342
Untitled
Doll Feb 2015
Everything about you
makes my knees weak
and my hands tremble
You’re the reason my heart is pumping,
though it skips a few  beats
and falters,
much like my words
when I try to tell you
how much you mean to me
May 2014 · 830
I live in fear
Doll May 2014
I live in constant fear of losing the attention i'm getting from you
May 2014 · 635
I hate
Doll May 2014
you
me
the world
life  
being alive
being me
breathing

everything
May 2014 · 598
you are
May 2014 · 3.7k
pills and pain
Doll May 2014
I'm numb so numb and I would like to ask you something
Can you please..
**** the pain out of me  , fill me with pills so i can stay numb forever  
Fill me with opiates and watch me die inside
Don't worry i will feel no pain

Look at me in my eyes and tell me you love me then leave me
So i can feel pain again
Then fill me with benzos make me dreamy  and love my life
So you can hurt me again
Choke me hurt me and belittle me
Make me walk around with bruises

Heal my wounds , buy me pills
opiates , oplïods and benzos
Make me happy for a week or less
then leave me behind wondering why you left me
so i will feel pain and then I need to crawl back to pills
or to you

— The End —