It had always been about you
my poems
my prose
my lips
and I should've known better.

Individuals evaluate their own opinions
and desires by comparing themselves to others.
Grow up with a family of perfect siblings around,
was to compare by parents.
Knowing studies wasn't good during school times,
was to compare around friends.
Knowing wasn't much talent in yourself,
was to compare among the public.

That girl over there?
her brother is so awesome.
That guy over there?
he dumb.
That man over there?
he can't do anything at all.

We were all labeled by others.
What happen if we take off the label?
Does our name reveal and tell people that's who we are?
Do they accept the fact?
We aren't that perfect, we aren't that smart, we aren't that talent.
Still, will you accept just the way we are?

we are just a human that try our best to live.

what's wrong? i ask my sister.
she is fifteen, today her eyes showed the darkest colors
of the normal
light blue sky.

love, she mutters slowly. it hurts.
i shake my head, and laugh.
i am eighteen. before, my eyes used to be the colors
of a storm in the sea.

how is that funny? she asks.
her voice cracking- tears escaping.

that is not love, i smile.
my eyes twinkling, like the stars of a wonderful night.

yes it is, she groans. it hurts. it must be love.
her eyes, now twinkling too.
but it wasn't twinkling like mine.
it was twinkling with unhappy tears.

when i was sixteen, i start.
i thought i knew what love was too.
i had the same thing you had in this
messy little mind.

but no. it was affection. it was not love.
affection, honey, i looked at her, is when you think you love someone.
you call them yours and they call you "mine".
affection is when you hope that they will love you only.
that you will not share them.
that you are happy, with them.

love, is when you let them call someone else, "mine"
only if it makes them happy.

love, is when you will share them with someone else
only if it makes them happy.

love, is when you try to stop loving them
only if it makes them happy.

then how do i know it's really love? she asks, finally, her tears slowing down.

i smile, my eyes twinkling again.
*when their happiness means
more than yours

There’s a weight on my heart
And it’s ripping me apart
There’s a pressure in my chest
Again, it puts me to the test

I cloud my mind
with thoughts of You
as I drive myself out of
and sometimes into

a crime of one
a conspiracy of two
one was in love
the other was too

this love was arbitrary
t'was asserted by both
this love was ordinary
a relation that quotes

the names of You and I
and of how we're meant to be,
how we were not to try,
and of how we'll always be.

nothing was really asserted
nothing is really true
it was just from me to myself
and how I'll always love You

and so I cloud my mind
with thoughts of You
to remind me of sanity
to deprive Me of truth.

I want to kiss the sleep from your lips in the mornings before your morning coffee, tea or milo in winters. I want to run my fingers through your hair just before a passionate kiss. I want to wake in the morning from you moving slightly and my body feeling a slight cool breeze where your body used to be, I want to fall asleep with you entangled in the sheets after play fighting or nice intimacy. I want to feel your fingertips giving me goosebumps along my sides as you run them up and down I want it all
(j.a)

I hate that feeling.
           that feeling when you're sad,
But you have no idea why.
           You feel so **** void,
but nothing has happened.
           They ask you what is wrong,
but you can not explain.
           Or they did not ask anything,
I do not know what is worse.
           It just feels like I miss someone,
someone I never met.
           I need someone who does not need me.
Loneliness hovers over me,
           takes control of me.
I do not even care.
           I extricate itself from the goals.
Sadness for now is my best and only friend.
           I begin to hate myself and
I want everyone to leave me alone.
          At the same time,
I want someone to hug me and
          told me that everything will be okay.

**I just hate that feeling.
That feeling,
when you do not even know what the hell you feel.